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How can I get into a realtionship?

Community Member

Hello, I'm a teenager who's currently in grade 11 and I've recently have mixed feelings about my life. last year was a terrible year for me and my family and by the end of the year, I felt depressed and lonely but then I girl came into my life and that all disappeared and for months I had a crush on her but yet didn't know a clue about relationship. I'd never been in a relationship before, and I really felt that she was going be my first, but then, that had changed when I started to get depressed and was only happy when I saw or was with her and was getting worse. So I had confessed my love to her and asked her out, she said that she didn't have the same feeling towards me. Its been two weeks since then, the first week I felt great, It felt like all of my feeling towards this girl had disappeared and suddenly was a lot happier and i realised that not to be rude but she made me so happy that all my happiness and love went to her and made all the things that made me happy just sad and depressing. The second week and now, all I've been seeing is relationship type things and it just made me feel empty, so I talked to a friend who has been through similar to this but it wasn't helpful. And I've been thinking about a lot more, how I would like to be in one but I don't have the knowledge and the experience of relationships.

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion



Sounds like you've been through a lot in the past year and experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. It's understandable that you felt lonely and depressed, but it's great to hear that this girl came into your life and made you feel happy again.


And when those feelings were not reciprocated, it's understandable that you felt disappointed. At that time she might not have been in the right space regarding looking for a relationship.


I don't know the context in being around her, or asking her out, etc. It took courage to express the way you felt, and perhaps expressing the way you felt could (?) have waited until you had gone out a couple of time? 


It's important to remember that you're still young and have plenty of time to learn about relationships and gain experience. It's normal to feel unsure and inexperienced in this area, and it's okay to take your time to figure things out. And I am sorry that talking to a friend who has been through a similar situation may not have been helpful. Don't give up on seeking support and guidance.


Take care of yourself, and know that things will get better with time.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Tough break announcing your devotion before testing if it was mutual.
Understandable really, first from your perspective, this girl would have seemed like a breath of fresh air compared to recent past issues; but from her side of things this may have come as quite a shock (in the premature sense) resulting in the 'shields up' response.
Coming on a little too strong can put people on the back foot but doesn't mean a rejection necessarily - you just need to be cool and try a different approach. Things usually sort themselves out if you can be with and without someone and still remain content being part of their lives (or even not).
It's all about building trust and being there in times of need (as indeed it was for you). In many respects, it's more about not thinking of yourself or the expectation that one should think or feel the same as you that often leads to a stronger connection in the form of empathy and sense of safety - I think this is simply allowing space and showing them the respect to make up their own mind.
You might be trying to put the cart before the horse if a relationship is your primary objective as such a thought process risks leaving the prospective feeling devalued or secondary to purpose, paradoxically (and these things are usually felt long before uttering even a single word!).
So don't be too disheartened, observe more and keep your eyes and mind open to the subtle signs before diving in feet first - it's easy enough to do but much harder to undo.
If it is meant to be, she will relate to your feelings in time.