High school battle

[Sophia223]

Hi, I am currently in year 9 at high school, the first two years of high school were pretty great, I had heaps of friends, a good study habit and social life but this year is probably the worst it’s been by a lot. The first term was fine until my two closest friends in my group left. I then began to feel more distant from the group and I really felt like I had no one. It then began term 3 and my group then began excluding me and ignoring me. I didn’t know why this had been happening. I then began sitting with different people each day or even alone and they didn’t seem to be bothered. I told one of the girls from my humanities class what had been happening and she said I could sit with her group. The girls she sits with is the “popular” girls group in my year. So I’ve been sitting with them but I never know what to say because I’m a really shy and awkward person so most of the time I just sit there which I hate. As much as I enjoy having people to sit with I really don’t enjoy sitting with them because all they do is gossip about each other which I don’t want to be a part of because I don’t know why people feel the need to talk about there friends. This has really put a strain on my grades as well because I’ve just been feeling unmotivated and I also feel a lot for anxious, stressed and I have lost a lot of confidence, which has made it harder to make friends. One of the classes I really am not doing to well in is maths, which used to be my best class and now it’s one of my worst. In my math class I don’t really have any friends so I sit next to this girl who get 100% in every test but she is really competitive and is always looking at my work, telling me I’m wrong, laughing at my test scores whilst she boasts how much better she is, and I really want to tell her that it makes me feel really insecure when she does these things but I really haven’t found the confidence to do so. Let alone the problems at school, home life isn’t too swell either. I have a special needs brother who is abusive and yells at me all the time. My parents fight a lot about money and my brother. I feel as though I have no where safe or where I can be in ease. I have spoken to my mum about moving schools and some of my primary school friends who go to different high schools, but I don’t know what to do, I can either wait it out at the school I currently am at but I don’t know what’s going to change or I can move schools and hope it’s going to be better. Thank you

[therising]

Hi Sophia223

I welcome you with open arms and a warm smile as you face the challenges of life at school and at home.

Wondering if you've considered talking with the school counselor about the issues going on in your life. They might be able to give you some tips you haven't considered. Being a parent, I can tell you honestly that parents can be fairly unskilled people at times when it comes to teaching their children things like effective communication, self-esteem and a host of other things. Speaking to a skilled professional, such as a counselor, has its benefits (even if it's just to feel supported).

My daughter's in year 10 and, like you, is facing the challenges that come with school social dynamics. Once a part of a large group of friends up until recently, she now has just a couple of friends who she feels she can trust and rely on. She too is fed up with the drama and gossip that comes with certain groups. I'm wondering whether you've considered reconnecting with the 2 friends that left the original group. It might make some difference if you mention to them that you want to hang around with them because they're genuine people, as opposed to being cold/gossipy. Perhaps they left the group you used to be in because, like you, they no longer felt comfortable with certain behaviour.

The girl in your math class sounds like she doesn't have a filter. If you don't feel comfortable saying the following (just a couple of ideas), you could write something down in the back of your math book and sit it under her nose: 'Why do you feel the need to degrade people? What's wrong with you?' or 'The teacher's already graded my work, I don't need you doing it too so let's just get on with things'. By the way, my daughter has chosen to sit on her own in math rather than sit with the one person she knows well, an ex friend who's seriously nasty.

Again, parents can be pretty clueless people at times which leads me to ask whether you've spoken to your parents about the upset and stress their fighting is causing you. I encourage my kids to talk to me about how my behaviour is impacting them, when I need a reminder in regard to conscious living. As I say to them 'It's your house too and you have every right to exist within it without your parents' drama causing you grief'.

My heart goes out to you Sophia223. It's so unfair for you to be surrounded by people who are not conscious of their own damaging behaviour, behaviour which should be questioned.

Take care of yourself