Having a hard time accepting myself

[Liam007]

I have doubts, I made another post on this board elsewhere but I have so much more I want to say.

As I mentioned in the other post, it's in the school section. I find myself not really fitting in with my school because I am pretty much a goody two shoes, I don't like taking risks and I refuse to drink alcohol.

But here I just wanted to discuss a few things that happen because of or outside of school.

I basically feel worthless, I don't feel as if I have done anything to help anyone else, have nothing to be really proud of or feel like I contribute anything to the world. I feel as if my existence is pointless

There are some nights I can't sleep so find myself taking self-esteem tests online and trying to listen to the saddest music to make myself cry.

I find myself apologizing all the time for the littlest mistakes, repeatedly.

 Any advice to lighten up on myself? Am I thinking about too much at my age? (17) Should I wait a little longer till all those things come into play?

Thanks, Liam

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[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

Thanks for getting back to me. It is great you had a look at the film, thought it might help you to know that others are going through similar stuff to you.

It is fantastic you were able to have a chat with the actor guy and well done you for accepting to be in the commercials! My sister had a brush with "Fame" years ago, her hands appeared in a commercial for soap or something or other! Ha. Ha. I should have asked her for her autograph!.

Her Father in law was an extra in McCloud's Daughters a few times.

It is wonderful you are able to follow on with your dreams of acting.

So how is the medication going? I hope it is helping you. My husband has just admitted that he is feeling very depressed and anxious and has been going down hill rapidly this last month.

I would like to thank you for sharing your anxiety and how it manifests itself as it has helped me to better understand my husband and how he is right now.

So even though you might not think you have anything to say to help others, you have done so already! So thanks again.

Wishing you well with your schooling. Try not to be too concerned about the graduation ceremony or formal, they are months away yet! There is no point in fretting about that, it just takes up too much time and energy.

There is nothing wrong with being eccentric. At least you are being original and are not following the crowd or trying to fit in to please others.

One of the elderly gentleman I care for is quite eccentric, and I like him for it. He wears odd slippers and Egyptian gowns. He likes to iron outside and has me doing it as well. He has lots of little quirks and quite a different personality.

Keep being yourself. You are a valuable person just the way you are!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hey Mrs.Dools,

The medication has been okay. I've been on it for a week or so. I've had some slight headaches but nothing to fret about.

I just got an email, I start on the commercials week.

Talk soon 🙂

Liam

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

That is excellent news! Keep us posted as to how it all goes!

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hey all, I'm attempting to get this thread up and going again. I appear to be slipping again.

 I still feel lonely, I feel my eccentric behavior is really what drives people away. I try to hide it and stop it but it's only a matter of time before I can't give up appearances and let my true "self" show.

I still feel inadequate compared to everyone else. I just need someone to keep in touch with.

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

I'm sorry to read you are struggling again at the moment. Sorry too that no one has gotten back to you. I have not been on the forum so much lately as my husband has been really struggling with his mental health issues and I was very concerned for him.

He has changed his medication and is feeling a little better about life right now. Hopefully your medication is helping you more as well.

So how did you get on with the commercial?

Your last two paragraphs of your post could be me to a certain degree! I went up to the CFS that I am a part of and told the group I was resigning. I feel very inadequate there at times and like I don't fit in.

They were not at all happy about my decision and have talked me into staying, so I will continue on there. They obviously see more in me than I see in myself, and maybe that is the same for you Liam!

Cut yourself some slack and just try to be yourself and see what happens.

Hope your week hasn't been too rough. Think of the good things that have happen and build on those moments.

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hey Mrs.Dools,

The commericals got delayed unfortunately. I have to wait but will be doing some fashion parade modeling and entertainment for the elderly at a retirement home in a few weeks time.

I did "Dr.Google" though which wasn't a good idea. All I really have is some challenging aniexty but at times worry it could be more serious.

The medication is calming the aniexty but I still feel sad. I feel like all my peers hate me. I'm trying to find a reason to avoid the school formal at the end of this year.

I'm going to try eheadspace tonight and see if I can have a chat.

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

Sorry the commercials were delayed. I hope you enjoy the experience at the retirement home. The old dears will love it! How did you manage to be involved in that?

Okay, next time you use "Dr. Google" look up ways to beat anxiety, not how it manifests itself. You already know that part. Getting better is what you need to concentrate on.

When I look up information on depression and stress I go for the How to deal with it section.

It is a bit like when you buy a new medication and it comes with a million pages of possible side effects! It doesn't mean that you are going to have to deal with all those possibilities, the drug companies are just covering themselves.

Hopefully you can have a chat with Headspace again. If not there must be plenty of other numbers you can call including Beyond Blue.

Please don't stress about the formal yet, we aren't even up top Easter yet! The more you think about it, the more it will eat at you. Think of all that time you are wasting worrying about that one event when you could be using that time and energy for something else.

Do you have any new classes this year that you are enjoying? There are so many different subjects available now compared to when I was a student...way back in the dark ages. Ha. Ha.

Keep your head up high Liam, look people in the eye, give them a smile and say goodaye. Try that for a day or two and see what happens.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hey Mrs.Dools,

I saw Facebook ad asking for actors to perform some plays for the elderly. I put my name down,got a response and was accepted. I asked if I could come back for a few more plays after this one and she said yes so hopefully I'll have a side distraction.

I actually managed to book in to see someone on the 24th of April. So I'll be going back to see someone in a month.

I don't have any new classes, but dropped one which I was doing poorly in and reduced some stress but gave me a half-day during the week where I can just go home at lunch time.

Thanks 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

That is excellent news about the plays! Well done to you! So great you will have an added distraction as you mentioned. It will help to build up your confidence and self esteem.

It was a good idea to drop a subject you were struggling in. I was never any good at Maths so dropped to a lower level and that helped me immensely in year 12.

So do you have a subject you really enjoy? The lessons are so very different than what they were when I was at school. I asked my niece a lot about her year 12 experience as it is all so foreign to me seeing as we don't have children attending school.

My two nieces are wanting to come and stay with us for the Easter weekend. I am so excited. They are both over 18 and still want to have sleep overs and Easter Egg hunts at our place!

It is great you have managed to book an appointment for Headspace. Are there other people/organisations you can contact in the mean time if you are having a rough day or just need someone to talk with?

Hope you have a good weekend. I am looking forward to doing some gardening, some craft, going for a walk and watching the cricket final on Sunday.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

 I'm also doing some costume dress-ups and joke telling for the elderly. Even joined a Clown Club.

I seem to do okay in Visual Arts, my latest essay was 15 and 1/2 out of 20. English is not good, I was never good at DE-constructing poems or anything like that.

I'm not actually not going back to headspace. I'm seeing a different psychologist who deals with depression, anxiety etc He has a good reputation so I'm hoping it's a good first step.

I use eheadspace and Lifeline's anonymous online chat when I just need someone to talk to. I do that frequently as I'm really quite lonely, I don't get invited to parties or anything like that.

Hope you have good weekend too

(P.S In case you are wondering my profile picture is the character "Mr.Pricklepants" from Toy Story 3, he's voiced by Timothy Dalton who I quite like)