Haven't been in a relationship for 7 years

[MrMicawber]

Hey,

24 yrs male with depression.
- Semi-popular, introverted in high school with close friends and many acquaintances.
- First girlfriend age 16. Broke up after 6 months together.
- Rejected by twice, one when I was 15, the other at 17.
- After the second one, I stopped pursuing romantic relationships and focussed on studies.
- Lost my virginity in a one night stand at schoolies
- Went to university, studying two different degrees at two different universities (dropped out of the first one after two years).
- I had a couple of close male friends in my first year of university who I met at college (we still keep in touch online). After transferring to my new university, I had no success in meeting new people or establishing friendships.
- I haven't been intimate with anyone since that one night stand when I was 18.
I'm at a point in my life where I can't see any way out of my current situation. I feel like I made an effort to meet people at university: going to gym/yoga classes, working as a tutor, trying to make friends at uni, volunteering. But I just didn't have much success at all.
The fact that I haven't experienced intimacy with anyone for the past 7 years is the primary source of my suffering. Sometimes I can go for months without thinking about it, if I'm distracted enough by work or study. But whenever I'm reminded of it, I just fall into this depressed state that becomes more difficult to overcome each time. One of the biggest triggers for this is whenever I meet a girl that I'm attracted to (which happens every now and then). I'm so ashamed of my inexperience with women. It makes me feel so shit whenever I think about it, just knowing that so many people my age have had the opportunity to enjoy this aspect of their lives. It's something that makes me so insecure around women, which makes it difficult for me to be intimate and open myself up.
Despite my lack of a sex life, I do obtain fulfilment from a lot of other areas in life: music, writing, reading, nature. But as of late, it's been really difficult to enjoy these as I'm so preoccupied with the idea of finding a partner.
It would be interesting to get some thoughts on how I might be able to improve my situation. Or even if there was anyone out there who can relate to it, just so I don't feel so alone. If anyone's been through this and overcome it, how did you do it?


Thanks.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi! I also study psychology, that's awesome. Maybe you could think about what you would tell yourself if you were your psychologist in coping with all of this. I think you need to work out a balance perhaps - where you're doing social activities but also perhaps trying to become a qualified psychologist and focusing on your mental health etc. I don't see what's wrong with asking this girl if she'd like to have a coffee one time and seeing how things go. The worst that can happen is that she says no and then you're able to move on, or she says yes and it could be the start of something amazing. To answer in terms of online dating, in the past I've used a few flattering photos and just written a cute/fun bio about what I like to do for fun/what I study/what I'm looking for in a partner. Let me know how things go.