Had fight with friend

[AJ12]

I have a friend I met online 8 years ago and talk regularly online to every day. I'm 23, she's 19.

We have seen each other in person 2 times over the last month for the first time (she lives in Perth, I live in Sydney).

We are fairly close friends and I really like her and want to be in a relationship with her. She knows I like her. She has a boyfriend so it is not possible to be in a relationship currently. However she said they don't plan on being together forever and I told her when she breaks up I will try to show her we should be in a relationship.

When she came to my house for one night we had a fairly close night in bed where we touched each other but didn't go further. She is very good to me letting me get close to her because I have never had a partner or had sex and she said she was letting me get close to her so that I wouldn't feel weird getting close to someone if I ever did in the future.

We have been talking about the night that happened nearly every day since it happened and sometimes I ask if we might be able to do it again in future if I see her or go even further and she says maybe.

Yesterday I was talking to her about it again and she said we might be able to have sex one day, but she also said I only wanted her for that. She had been drinking at the time and abit drunk.

The next day I again told her how much I wanted to be with her and she said she didn't think we would be suitable because we are different and she wouldn't want to get into a new relationship straight after finishing one.

I stupidly asked her if we might still be able to have sex one day. She got angry about it and said I was only using her for that.

While I really want to have sex because I have never had it before, I also really like her and want to be in a relationship with her. I didn't want to use her for sex, I wanted to do it because I really like her.

Now it seems that she is not talking to me at all (she said she would ignore my Facebook messages, which she is doing).

I'm not sure what to do now. I still really like her and want a relationship or anything.

But at the same time I like talking to her as a friend so that would be better than nothing if we can't do anything, but now she won't talk at all.

I'm feeling very upset about the situation. I don't know if I should just give her space and she might talk to me again when she isn't annoyed.

At the same time I get anxious not knowing what will happen and I can't concentrate on things I have to do like work and university.

[Mr__Brightside]

Well... your in a fun situation. I'm Moriarty by the way. Now, I've never had sex or even a proper (Let alone healthy) relationship. I can understand both side's of this story, it seems that sex is a regular discussion for you two, and if you keep bringing it up, she'll feel used. (As you've found out.) I can understand why you bring it up a bit. Your excited about it. But you can't let that rule the way you think of her. Try sending her a message. (I know you already have) Make sure you apologise for making her feel that way. (Be sure you mean it) Try to be her Friend. Get to know her a bit more. And if see ignores you or rebuts you, there's not much you can do. Respect her wishes. Move on. It may be difficult but there's no point hoping for something that's not going to happen. Get back to me. ~M

[AJ12]

I know that I might have to accept that she won't want to talk anymore and that we can't be friends anymore.

I know that if I was in her situation I would probably feel the same way and not want to talk to me,

But I feel attached to her and don't think I could survive without her.

I know it sounds like an overreaction, but sometimes I really feel like it would be easier if I wasn't alive, because then I wouldn't have to worry about the bad and sad feelings I have about this situation.

[pipsy]

Dear AJ12.  What a pickle.  You're right about her feeling like she's made the biggest mistake.  She probably also feels extremely guilty and ashamed.  I would say, leave it for now.  You've tried to contact her and she hasn't responded.  Give her a chance to think about what's happened.  I think what Moriarty says is right, unfortunately.  You're going to have to mark it to experience, learn from it.  Next time you meet someone (and believe me, you will), don't be so quick to 'go to bed'.  It sounds as though she may have been stringing you along a bit, too.  She was in a relationship that she said wouldn't last.  She's in Perth, you're in Sydney, how did you plan to keep the relationship (if it developed) going?  Maybe you said something to indicate you hadn't had much experience.

I totally agree with Moriarty, move on with your life.  If she contacts you, see what develops, if she doesn't, you've lost nothing.  Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

Good luck with your next 'friendship.

Pipsy. 

[Mr__Brightside]

I understand. I often think the same way. Personally, i believe that there is only one thing in this world that heals all wounds. Time. Give yourself some time. Even if you two never talk again, it's not the end of the world. Just the end of an era. Get involved with some activities. I've recently become more active in these forums and I've thrown myself into my work. It's what i need. A distraction. I suggest looking at the community board on these forums. It contains threads on things like "what are your favorite band?" and such. I also have recently started attending laser tag games with a group of people during the week. If you can, try and organize something similar. In regards to your feelings on how it would be easier if you weren't alive, i can't offer much advice. I feel the same way quite a bit. I suppose finding a distraction could help. If you need to, there are people on this site who are happy (And far more qualified.) to talk these feelings through with you. I'll always be happy to listen. ~M