Graduating with no friends

[Lizeyloo]

Hi all, I just wanted to get this out somewhere and I am grateful it is here. I’m in a dark and uncertain place. I’m graduating next week and although I should feel happy, I am not. Not because I want to stay but because I am fearful of my future. I started at this school in year 11 and it has been really difficult for me. I graduate with no friend group and virtually no friends. I talk to a couple girls and I am grateful for the connection but I have no one to turn to or that I truly feel comfortable around. I am a very shy person so I find it extremely  difficult to put myself out there and find friends. Having no friends in my senior year, I feel like there is something wrong with me and that I don’t know how my life is going to go in the future. Im constantly overthinking everything and I feel like im going to be alone forever. I am close with my mum and have a good relationship with my dad but I barely ever talk to my brothers. At the dinner table, everyone talks except me. I feel like I don’t fit in with them and that I have nothing interesting to add to their conversations. I find it hard to relate to them, in fact, I find it hard to relate to anyone. I almost feel like I have no personality and why would anyone want to be friends with me. I feel like im behind in life experiences like everyone around me is ahead. I see my classmates laughing with all of their friends and I can’t help but just jealous and miserable. I have a miserable mindset but I can’t help but feel sick of being around all of these friend groups and feeling lonely and isolated. Im not going to formal next Friday because I feel so out of place not to mention I don’t have a table because I did not make friends. People say that high school is often the easiest and highlight of peoples life and this just makes me feel terrible because I found it so difficult and I have never felt more unhappy. At my old school I had one friend who I was very close with who I would have the best laughs with. We both left that school and she repeated but things just aren’t the same. We have had many fights and although we’re still friends, I feel like that friendship just isn’t as fulfilling as it once was. I know you should always have hope but it is so hard with these current circumstances. Thanks for listening.

[Petal22]

Hi Lizyloo,

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s hard.

I understand that starting at a new school in year 11 would be hard it takes time to make connections and friends.

Sometimes when we are still growing and getting to know ourselves from the inside we sometimes find it hard to interact with others, this doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.

Through out your life you will meet many people and make many friends and you will grow and evolve.

I understand that you have a miserable mindset that’s great that you can recognise this in yourself because YOU have the power to change your mindset.

Feed your mind with positive thoughts 

Try to see the best in every thing

Choose understanding 

LOVE yourself 

I understand that you are fearful of the future… sometimes we are but sometimes it’s because of the unknown.

When you start to live the life of your dreams the first to greet you will be fear, nod and keep on walking.

You could make an appointment with your gp and discuss how you are feeling.

[ecomama]

Dear Lizeyloo, welcome to the forums. I hope you stay and keep sharing with us. There are some really helpful threads here you can read and join in with. 

You are welcome in ALL threads. 

Lizey, I'm not sure who these people are that talk about high school being the easiest? The easiest what? 
My children and I all found high school extremely challenging. My kids all scored high in all exams etc, it wasn't so much the academic challenges but the social cliques and nastiness. 

Beginning at a new school in Year 11 is really hard. 
One of my son's moved a long way away for Year 11 & 12 and it was horrible for him. He ditched going to any "celebrations". Getting OUT of that place was the hugest relief for him. He's still recovering from the trauma of things that happened there. 

Please know with 100% certainty that you could never do what everyone else does. It's not possible! 
It's not helpful to compare ourselves to others, you could pitching far too low for one. 

Have you thought about getting a Part Time job? 
This was the place my son was able to make more social connections. He couldn't really be bothered for a long while. Now occasionally he spends time with these friends, though not often. He prefers his own company, I think he feels safer this way. 

Also know you can join up on eHeadspace and chat online with a Youth Counsellor. Having lots of different supports will help get you through this hard time. 

Take care
Love EM

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lizeyloo
 
Thank you for posting about the difficulties you having with friendships and the fear you have for your future. We just thought we jump in behind ecomama and Petal22 and offer you some support too!
 
We can hear that you are finding it hard to feel happy and it’s understandable that you would be fearful of the future if you are basing that on your experience so far.  Please know that this is so much more common than you think, as Petal22 noted, there is nothing wrong with you.  It’s ok not to have a group of friends, some people who consider themselves introverts actually find comfort in these situations, there is no shame in being shy. 

Although we do understand that this can feel lonely and isolating at times, you can choose to respond to this by firstly by learning to accept the discomfort you feel but at the same time reminding yourself that you are worthy of knowing, you are a good person!     In addition to ecomama's suggestion on some part-time work, there are many ways to build on that confidence in building friendships, perhaps some communication skills courses online? or you might want to start by engaging in some activities where you have shared interests with others, or join a friendship app?  You have taken that first step already by reaching out to this forum this evening!
 
If this does feel like it’s just too hard, and you ever need to talk about it, you can call our counsellors on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat.

Above all please remember to be kind to yourself and just be you; As you can see already our community members really do offer lots of compassion, helpful advice and may help you see the opportunity for you to try something new.  Please take care of you.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M
 

[Lizeyloo]

Thank you petal22 for the response, it means so much. I feel really reassured after hearing that and will continue to follow that advice. I have been seeing a therapist so that has also been a great help 🙂

[Lizeyloo]

Thank you Ecomama for replying, it’s so nice to have an outside perspective and hearing about your childrens experiences really helps to validate my experience, I’m wishing your son all the best! Also, I am definitely thinking of getting a job after school along with uni, hopefully this will give me a chance to build more friendships 🙂

[Lizeyloo]

Thank you for the support Sophie. It means so much to me to have someone listen and to validate my emotions and thoughts. I’m often very insecure of my shyness and for you to  say there is no shame means a lot. I’m really appreciative of your advice and will definitely be taking it into account for my future. People like you guys are so amazing and have made me feel way less lonely, last night was tough but I’m so glad I opened up 🙂

[ecomama]

Dear Lizeyloo, you are more than welcome. I know this can be a very difficult time for our wonderful young people. Hugs! 

I wanted to say that being shy is NOT a disadvantage lol. 
I've noticed with my own children, the shyer ones get in far less trouble all round lol. 
I've also noticed that they observe others quite intently and come up with the BEST options when difficulties arise in our family. Real problem solvers. 

There are some oldies but goodies to read, if you're interested. Sometimes young people have to translate the old fashioned ways of writing back in the day lol. 
"How to win friends and influence people" was quite famous in our day. 
Perhaps your Library has some good titles to borrow over Summer? 
I prefer borrowing "Psychology Today" which is a fantastic magazine with research covering all sorts of topics.  

Congratulations on getting into Uni, WOW what an achievement Lizey! 
You can be very proud of yourself for doing the hard yards to get to where you are. Pats on the back are called for. 

My sons (multiples) all start Uni next year too. 
Having a part time job has definitely helped my kids develop their communication skills, learn how to deal with difficult customers lol, earn some money! 
Most importantly, make some really nice friends. 

You have SO got this! 

Best wishes,
Love EM