Getting myself into trouble

[Dannaz94]

Hi

i have recently been thinking that i was becoming depressed. i have been reading checklists online and i usually come back with a result i dont like. i recently had my girlfriend cheat on me with my brother. and now i feel like my life is falling apart. i cant sleep. i cant think about anything other than that. im never happy. i feel hopeless. i dont even get joy out of activities that i always have loved. i still love my brother. i still love my girlfriend. i genuinely believe that there was nothing to it and that it was a drunken mistake. but still it bothers me and i still think about it. to escape all of this ive given in to alcohol. not every day. probably only once a week. but unfortunately it always becomes a binge. where i drink so much that i probably couldnt tell you my name if you asked me. stupid me has kept all this bottled up and now ive done something that might land me in serious trouble. ive ended up drinking myself silly and am now being charged with break and enter of someone's house. which is makingme really upset. i have no prior record. i've never done anything like this before and i cant explain why i did it. i feel even worse for the owner of the house and really need some help. please.

[White_Rose]

Dear Dannaz

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story. This is a judgement free zone so whatever you want to say here is OK. I hope we can help and support you.

It must have been a dreadful shock to learn about your GF and brother. I think it would seem like a betrayal of the highest order. Have you spoken to either/both your GF and brother about this? It's hardly surprising you are feeling depressed. May I ask, have you been experiencing these depressive feelings before the episode you described. I am wondering if it is the hurt you received that has made you feel so down or if you felt down beforehand. I'm certain I would feel the way you do in your circumstances.

If you had these feelings earlier on then I suggest you complete the K10 checklist available on BB and take it to your GP. It's a good snapshot tool, though not a definitive diagnosis for depression.

I suggest you stay away from alcohol now you know what a devastating effect it can have on you. There are a number people posting on BB who have self-medicated with alcohol and wished they had not.

I am so sorry you are in this pickle. May I ask, did you hurt anyone or actually steal something? It's good that you feel remorseful because the effect on the house occupants may well last a long time as they come to terms with their lack of security. I don't know if it would help you or the house occupants, but could you write a letter to them apologising profusely? Just keep it to your apology without reasons. The occupants may see any reasons you give as being an excuse, which of course it is not.

I think this will live with you for a long time and I am sorry it has happened. You cannot change your actions, but you can pick up your life again. It may seem a bit trite to say what have you learned from this. Rather than try and bury your feelings and try to forget what happened, it may help to understand what happened. You may not be able to do this on your own, it's big thing to do. Perhaps this is another event to chat to your doctor about if you are going to investigate having depression.

Your post clearly sets out what is troubling you, so I suggest you copy and print it and take to your doctor's appointment. If you have a good GP it is really helpful to chat to her/him as they are best placed to help you.

Writing in to BB is also a good way to let go of your hurt. I hope your first post is not your last as we are here to listen and support you.

Mary

[Dannaz94]

Hi Mary

Thanks for your response. i have spoken to her about it for countless hours. She's told me shes completely committed to our relationship and feels awful about it. I'm convinced that it won't happen again although it still plays on my mind. I haven't spoken about it much with my brother. He sent me a message after it happened and explained that it didn't mean anything and that he was really sorry. I guess i should talk to him about it but I am finding it hard to look him in the eye at the moment. I know I have to forgive them both in order to move on but the wound is still a little fresh I feel to forgive them just yet.

I've felt sad for a little while and a little hopeless. now that I've completed uni and have moved on to work, I feel as if my life has stalled and that it's not really going anywhere. I want to move out of home but can't because I simply cannot afford it and am already in money trouble with my uni degree and a car loan to pay off. The debt worries me i guess.

I absolutely wish I had not and I wish i could wind back the clock with the experience i have now.

I'm absolutely ashamed with my actions and no i didn't steal anything or threaten/hurt any of the occupants. I have asked my dad to go speak to the home owner and I want to sit down and chat with him when he is ready. I wish to apologise and will understand if he cannot forgive me. I just want to make as well of the situation as I can.

I will be visiting my GP in a couple of days after i have collected my thoughts and am a bit more level headed

Thanks

Dan

[blondguy]

Hi Dan

Your girlfriend & brother doing what they did is shameful as per your post. The same happened to me years ago with my brother and my girlfriend. It hurt...a lot. I remember the pain Dan

I know that your brother sent you an sms saying he was sorry. Can I ask you if he has apologised to you face to face?

Mary has given some great advice above so I wont duplicate it Dan.

You have great strength to own up to your mistake (we all make many) with the break and enter. You have acknowledged what you have done and good on you. It will be history sooner than you think Dan.

I hope your dad can forgive you as you deserve to be. You have 'taken responsibility' for your actions.....That takes a huge amount of strength Dan and good on you.

Mary brought up doing a screengrab of your thread here....Its an excellent idea not only for your GP to save you heaps of time and anguish explaining whats happened but for your dad to see that you have the courage to reach out and 'own' the problem.

The Beyond Blue Forums are a secure and non judgemental zone Dan.

If you can let us know how you go it would be great to hear from you

my kind thoughts for you Dan

Paul