Friend Trouble

Jess_P2001 · ‎30-01-2023

I need help as i’m struggling with my best friend. Ever since i have got a bf, she had been rude to me, mean, bossy, controlling etc. Now she has gone to the extent of not speaking to me as i stood up for myself. I do live with her which makes it harder and it’s taking a toll on my anxiety. I’m not sure if it’s jealousy or not. When i try talk to her about it she gets defensive and tries to turn it back on me like I’m the bad guy. Any tips would be helpful.

jaz28 · ‎30-01-2023

Hi Jess_P2001,

I am sorry you have been struggling with your best friend, this must be hard on you considering you feel like you need to post here and seek advice! It is always hard for close friends when you get a boyfriend and a lot of you attention is focused on your boyfriend that would usually be focused on your best friend (especially during the honeymoon phase)! When I first started dating my bf of 3.5 years, my best friend did not let him come to a party my sister was having - she didn't want him to intrude on our time together. Now, my best friend and my boyfriend are best friends and we hang out all the time (now with her boyfriend of 1 year too)! I think it was hard on her when I got my boyfriend, and when she started dating her now boyfriend, I felt like I was being a bit neglected too. However, I understood why because having a relationship takes your time and energy, and overtime your best friend will understand (maybe she has never had a boyfriend before so she doesn't understand)? You might need to ask her why she is suddenly being rude to you - maybe she feels neglected, second-best to your boyfriend etc....always make sure you make an effort to hang out with her still even with a boyfriend - it is so important to keep your friends!

Are you born in 2001? So am I 😜

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx

sbella02 · ‎05-02-2023

Jess_P2001,

Thank you so much for sharing your dilemma here with us, and welcome to the forums.

It hurts when we notice changes in our friends' behaviour. I've been through a similar situation with a friend who would always find a way to deflect blame back onto me whenever I confronted her about things - I am thankfully no longer friends with this person, which took me a long time to work out that I needed. I can see how your situation is compounded by the fact that you live with her. Depending on how long you have been living together, how close you are, and how long you've known each other, she may also be feeling replaced to some extent.

If it's not too difficult, I would try having another conversation with her, approaching it from the angle of "I've noticed this, is this something you're aware of?". If you would feel comfortable, you could also ask her how she's going generally, and if there's anything else in her life that may be causing her behaviour to change towards you.

If you have any other close, mutual friends with her, you could even ask them for their advice if you'd feel comfortable doing so.

I hope this is helpful, please feel free to chat some more if you need to, we're here for you.

All the best, SB

Jess_P2001 · ‎16-02-2023

Hey Jaz!

Thanks for your advice and sharing your troubles with a similar situation. Unfortunately it has gotten worse as i’ve reached out and talked about my feelings to her. Tried very hard to organise to hang out etc and it still wasn’t good enough (even invited her to dinner with my boyfriend and myself) . It’s so hard cause i feel like i’m losing my friend but at the same time i’m suppose to be happy because i’ve finally found someone who i get along great with in regards to a relationship. I hope it works out like it has for you but it’s sucky cause i don’t think it will 😕

Yes i’m born in 2001 too!!

Thanks again for the advice x

Jess_P2001 · ‎16-02-2023

Thanks for replying!

Since posting i have reached out to her saying my feelings etc and she has gone to the extent of unfriending me on certain social media apps and talking to me so rudely still. I think it may end up going the way it did with yourself and your friend. It’s very said if that’s the case but it may be for the best. A lot of other advice i’ve received from other friends and family is to try and move on because she isn’t a supportive caring friend.

Thanks again for reaching out. I appreciate it 🙂

sbella02 · ‎19-02-2023

Jess_P2001,

Well done for listening to yourself and doing what you feel is best. Wishing you all the support you need.

SB