I’ve suddenly started to feel a strong hatred to people, whether it be randoms or people I know

[ConnorIsFunni]

I don’t know how to explain it, but my patience and tolerance for things has decreased. I am only 16, and have felt like I hate everyone around me. I’m snappy, prone to slam things and punch walls easier, I’m quick to anger, I get angry over things I never usually got mad at. As soon as I see someone walk past me, I immediately start thinking I hate them. In school, I hate teachers mentally, I hate people at the gym, I hate my own friends and I hate my family. I treat fictional characters better than real people. Life is also dull, my passion for basketball is fading because I’m still a fat loser rotting in his room. ‘Go outside and play then’ easier said then done, when it’s always 35+ degrees where I live during summer and also I can’t go to the gym because I have to rely on my nana to pay for it. I don’t have a tax file number, I don’t have a bank, I don’t even have a phone. I barely passed grade 10 and I already feel like I’m going to fail grade 11. And if you are wondering, I prefer to be alone, I hate people a lot actually, like seriously a lot. Like I can’t stand living around people, to the point where I just lock myself in my room and only leave when I have to and people have the audacity to call me lazy? 

[Croix]

Dear ConnorIsFunni~

I'd like to welcme you here to the Forum and hope you are able to get some value from it and start to make you life better.

You do sound angry, even to the extent a punching walls, and being angry straight off with people who may have done nothing to deserve it, in fact may not even know you. You even sound angry at yourself, thinking you can no longer do the things you did and locking away instead away in your room instead.

People who call you lazy really have no ides of the difficulties you face to do the things others do, and it is not surprising you retire away from to be by yourself.

A person should not have these difficulties, you should be able to be with people without being overwhelmed with hatred, and really missing the things you do not have, such as a tax fie number are not really a cause for you to think less of yourself. If you Nan would pay for the gym then I'm sure it is out of love for someone she believes is an OK person

Although you have not said it straight out reading your post makes me feel that you did not always feel that way, but now it has increased to the point it is consuming your life.

A radical shift in thinking may well be a sign that you are probably less able to think how things were before when your life was happier. To do this needs outside help.

Do you have a councilor at school  you can go to and explain what is happening or can you visit a GP? -At your age a medicare cared is not essential. You do need someone outside yourself who is used to handling that sort of problems, actually it might give you  a feeling of relief to explain to someone else. It did for me when I had to explain something a bit different, being unable to face the world.  

It my well be that your difficulties with grade 10 were all part of the same problem - not you failing to make an effort, and getting the matter sorted before grade 11 would be good.

I'd love to hear you were back on the basketball field and chatting and laughing relaxed with friends

If you find there is nobody to talk to I'd recommend the Kids Help Line, (1800 55 1800) the phone version, not the web-chat as that gives you less tme even if it does sound easier 

They are easy to talk to and are sensible, experts with young people's troubles.

You are always welcome here too

Croix

[therising]

Hi ConnorIsFunni

I'm a big believer in the idea that all emotions are telling. While some people may say that feeling hatred and anger is wrong, I'd be inclined to say it's not necessarily wrong but it is telling. The question then becomes 'What are such feelings trying to tell me?'. 

Not sure if you can relate to the following in any way but I believe I've worked out what anger and hatred (at times) are trying to tell me. Anger or rage can point to an angering/enraging amount of something or an angering/enraging lack of something. The next question could be 'What am I feeling an angering or enraging amount or lack of?'. An angering or enraging amount of selfishness around me?  An angering/enraging amount of discomfort in the heat of the day? An angering level of feeling lost in life? On the flip side, that would all equate to an angering/enraging lack of selflessness from people, constructive ways of learning that are relatable, relief from the heat and overall guidance in life. Another question could be 'Why did I not feel all those things before? Why only now?'. I think that while we can suppress our discomfort and struggles or try and ignore them, based on questionable 'advice' from others, eventually (if they're not addressed) they can reach angering or enraging levels. It can be kinda like anger screaming at us 'WAKE UP! Address what desperately needs addressing'. In other words, anger can be trying to wake us up to what can no longer be ignored or suppressed or easily tolerated. I think, in a way, it can feel easier to just hate everyone and everything rather than face all the work involved in trying to figure out the way forward. This is what I've found, anyway.

While us waking up to a whole number of things we can feel as being angering, enraging, stressful, depressing, intolerable etc is one thing, trying to wake others up around us can be a whole different story. It can be enough to lead us to feel or appear as insane at times. As a gal who absolutely hates the extreme heat, you can witness me turn into a bit of a venting maniac when my husband says something like 'I love this weather'😂. My response can sound a little like 'ARE YOU INSANE?! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THIS OUT LOUD AROUND ME, WHILE KNOWING I FEEL IT AS A FORM OF TORTURE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!!'. My kids smile when he says it, before looking to me for a reaction. It's a form of entertainment for them, which I find funny. How about the comment, when we're feeling completely lost in life, 'You just need to get on with things'. Yep thanks for that. Gives me a really solid sense of direction. NOT! What the hell is wrong with people? People's beliefs, attitudes, words, behaviours and more can lead to a bit of a 'hell on earth' experience for us at times, that's for sure. 

I can't help but wonder whether what you're feeling could be an angering or enraging level of frustration with yourself. I can relate to that feeling. It can feel so tormenting. Torment can be such a tough emotion to make sense of and manage.