Finding It Hard To Cope With Life

AirJordanFan93 · ‎01-03-2016

Im 22 years old and have been battling depression since 2014 though its likely been longer since sometime I was in high school. I guess I was bullied in a sense. I was often made fun of by fellow students for being different. Primarily because I listened to classic rock bands such as KISS,Metallica,Led Zeppelin and The Beatles. I eventually left school midway through year 11. After leaving school I attended TAFE for the next 18 months.

My issues really began to take a hold of me after I turned 20. I was unemployed and on Centerlink when I just felt worthless as a person and found I had no real purpose in life. With the stress of Centerlink as well as a bubbling depression it all came full circle only a few days after my 21st birthday and I feel my life just became very poor after I turned 21. I realized the girl I had deep feelings for wasn't all that interested in me despite her initial claims. It was around this time I began counseling after a referral from my GP which at the time was a big help to me and have since returned to the service for counseling each year.

In late 2014 I had a fairly big meltdown and found it very hard to cope with life. I was given a job at this time and at first it made me feel good about myself. But in the last few months this job has left me feeling worthless and very poor about myself. I kind of feel the job is a big factor into how I'm feeling at the moment. I was doing fine up until the late stages of 2015 when all of a sudden I just felt like there was no meaning or reason for my life. Im at the point where I dread going to work.

I feel I have very little in life to look forward to. I don't have many friends at all so my social interactions are quite minimal plus I also have low self-esteem and low confidence in myself and my physical appearance.

If it feels like this is ranting then I apologist in advance. I just needed a place to let it all out as Im feeling in quite a dark place at the moment. Also thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

Neil_1 · ‎02-03-2016

Hi there AJF (love the name by the way and yes, he was an absolute legend)

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming and providing your post … and no, in no-way were you ranting at all. You were just saying how it’s been, how it is … absolutely no worries with doing that, in fact, in some instances you can feel a bit better for even just writing things down.

School – kids – bullying: oh boy, don’t get me started on that … it’s something that has happened in the past and long ago and I suspect it’ll continue in the future. I don’t understand it, but it can go a long way to being an unfortunate guide for how we enter our adult-hood as well. But if we can work our way through that, then we can come out the other side; having lived and learned a bit. Ps: nothing wrong with your choice of muzak either … they’re all quite acceptable.

Ok, so at the moment, you’re feeling the job is a factor for you … but the big part here is that you’re employed and you’re bringing in some coin; that’s a massive achievement, particularly when the job market these days is pretty hard and tight. My thoughts on this are to keep with it, but at the same time, there’s nothing to stop you looking and applying for other jobs. So much easier to go from one job to another, as opposed to not having a job and then trying to get back in the workforce.

It’s great that you’ve been able to hook back up with your counsellor. Does this mean that you’ll have regular appointments in the upcoming months, etc?

Have you also been back to your GP of late, to give them a rundown for how you’re feeling?

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

AirJordanFan93 · ‎03-03-2016

Thanks for the reply Neil

Regarding the job. Yes considering the current emplyoment market here in Australia its good. I have been unemployed and dealt with being on the dole and having to abide within the Centerlink system so I know full well its better off to have some form of employment rather than getting handouts from the government. As for applying for other jobs I have actually never had that thought pop into my head since I have been working. I found it hard enough to get a job when I was unemployed so despite being currently employed I still wouldn't like my chances at landing a new gig.

Regarding my counselor I have been back for the last 3 weeks. I have 3 more sessions left so Im fine until the start of April but I can opt to get 4 more sessions if I do need them since I am entitled to 10 sessions per year. By GP recommended the service back when I was first diagnosed in 2014.

I saw my GP a week ago when things got really bad. He refereed me to a psychologist for further examination and to see whether it is worth putting me on medication. So my GP is aware of my current state of mind.