Feels like I'm wasting my life

[Angelcakes]

Hi everyone, I'm a 20 year old girl who spends most of her time at home playing video games and watching Netflix. I work at a take away place once, maybe twice a week and have zero qualifications apart from my higher school certificate.

I know it seems silly to be worrying so much about wasting my life when I'm only 20 but I don't know what I want to do and sitting at home all the time has only made me lazier and more uncomfortable with studying or working. I often call in sick, not because I'm too lazy to work but because most days I just don't feel up to interacting with people. I know it's stupid and it's only going to make finding another job harder. It doesn't help that I really hate my job. I'm always looking for a new one but I don't have my license and get very anxious on public transport and I don't feel like there are any jobs advertised that I would be any good at.

My boyfriend and I live in a tiny unit with my mother and we desperately want to move out, but can't until I find a job with more shifts and more money. I'm too scared to even apply for jobs and I don't know what I would want to study at all, but even leaving home seems like so much effort most days. I just don't know what to do with myself and I'm scared I'll end up stuck like this forever.

P.S sorry about the long rant guys. Just venting, I'm driving myself crazy over here and my boyfriend always just tells me not to worry about it - like that helps.

[Zeal]

Hi Angelcakes,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm a 22 year old female, and not that long ago I felt as though my life wasn't being lived to its full capacity. I've had OCD (anxiety) since I was 13, and a more chronic bout of mental illness at 19, which I was hospitalised for. Until the age of 20 or so, I felt overwhelmed by life. I graduated from Year 12 in 2010, and felt lost. I started a Health Science degree at uni at the start of 2011. I got anxiety and ended up failing two subjects, so I pulled out at the end of the 6 month semester. I had my first retail job later that year (at 18), which I was dismissed from after 2 months, due to my lack of "assertiveness". My boss, to her credit, was very kind and considerate when she told me over the phone. I was still ashamed and upset though.

My hospitalisation at 19 was when it really hit home that I needed to sort my life out. It was through this experience, and doing an elective psychology subject at uni, that made me realise I want to study psychology. 2012 was essentially a year of illness and realisation for me. In 2013, I did only two subjects at uni. I switched to a psych science degree for 2014, and started studying full-time. Last year was the major turning point for me. I started volunteering with an organisation that runs programs for kids and teens with intellectual disabilities. I really enjoyed this, and it helped me feel I had a sense of purpose.

I first sat and passed the test for my L plates several months ago. I have had only one driving lesson with an instructor so far, and I've been driving in car parks with my Dad only three times. I am slowly overcoming my fear of driving. I recently got training for a new job which I need to eventually drive for, so that's what has given me that extra impetus to do something.

I highly recommend seeing a counsellor or psychologist, as this could really help you to navigate through this period of confusion and anxiety. As you are only 20, you have ample time to get help and find out what you want to do and what makes you happy. In a way, it's good that you live with your Mum. Living with a parent can make things easier when you are still dealing with emotional concerns, pressures, and are saving money. I still live at home with my parents and younger sister.

I hope sharing my story with you has made you feel you aren't alone!

If you would like to talk further, you can post again here 🙂

Best wishes,

SM