Fear of Depression

[Touni]

Hi I'm new. I've been in recovery from depression for two years but the fear of it coming back is consuming me. I try to control everything, so I don't relapse but I'm still paralysed by the fear. I do everything :I eat healthy, I take my medication, I do yoga but last month or so I haven't exercised and the guilt is eating away at me. What if I relapse because i haven't been exercising?

[geoff]

Hello Touni, can I welcome you to the site.

Being two years in recovery is terrific and I'm so pleased for you, but there are a few issues I want you to understand, and these are, if you have a bad dream doesn't necessarily mean that your heading back to depression, but if they continue then there is something troubling you and you should go back or continue seeing your counselor.

If you feel low then there's a reason for it, sometimes you don't know why, but don't let this infest your mood, go and do what you have always done, have a shower, go for a walk, have a cuppa with one of your support team.

Try not to spend your good days dreading the bad days, and a bad day can easily be overcome and never assume that a single event will cause a relapse.

If you haven't been exercising then you feel as though you need a break, it may resume at any time, maybe your interests have changed and want to do something else and if so then that's good.

I take it day by day because if I start thinking about tomorrow or in a few weeks time, I don't know what's going to happen.

I hope we can hear back from you.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Touni,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

I am sorry that you're paralysed with this fear; as someone who has gone through major depression I can very much relate to the anxiety of relapsing.

Exercising is certainly a great way to help manage depression, but it is not the only way. There are lots of people who do manage depression without exercising at all; ultimately it's up to you since you know yourself better than anybody.

I'm just wondering if you've ever heard of a relapse plan?

The idea is that it's a practical way to help monitor your depression as well as the signs that you might be slipping back into it. Sometimes our anxiety can scream 'it's coming back!' without it necessarily being true.

The best and most simple one I've found is here. You may even want to tailor it or make your own - https://www.brisbanecitypsychologist.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Brisbane-City-Psychologists-Depression-Relapse-Prevention-Toolkit.pdf

The other things that you might want to consider are -

- Thinking about the things you're already doing to stay well (like taking medication and eating healthy).

- Identifying situations that might trigger it, like a new job, a holiday, health problems, etc

- Your own warning signs note: it can help if you can think of a few things like trouble sleeping, avoiding social things, losing interest in things you enjoy,

- Activities that you tend to do when you're in a good mood and things that you tend to do when you're depressed. I've added this one because often we tend to stop doing things we enjoy without realising.

- People that you can call and your support team in general

- Tracking your mood. The one in the document is only a week long where as to get a better picture I'd recommend tracking it for longer. There's a great template here -

https://blackdoginstitute.org.au/docs/default-source/psychological-toolkit/19-dailymoodchart.pdf

Hope this helps!