Family Issues.

Smithy21 · ‎21-05-2017

Well, were to start... Im young and don't really want to give out my age. But I'm younger then 18. So i have a mum and dad and a brother. I love my mum, she is caring and nice. I don't feel comfortable talking to her about things (this isn't the problem).

My older brother always goes out drinking and smoking and does stupid things. Endangers himself. He also smokes, i don't know what to do. I go to sleep wondering if i will even see him in the morning. Its hard to sleep. My dad, again. I don't feel comfortable talking to him about anything. He can be nice, but most of the time he is really grumpy. Im not sure if it because he has tired or what. But he never really congratulates me on anything. Sometimes its just a faint "well done" what just feels sarcastic. I got a job recently what I'm really proud of, i have been wanting to get it for ages. Does my dad say congrats? Nope, he said if my schoolwork doesn't improve i can't do it. My dad, mum and brother fight a lot, and i mean a lot. Sometimes its even physical and i have to sit threw this... I even see my brother outside smoking. It really gets to me. I feel like my mum and I are the only good people in the family. I have a thing where i feel bad for everyone and everything, especially myself.

So if i speak up and say whats on my mind i will absolutely hate myself. Probably make me even a bit depressed. When i say to myself, ok! I need to talk and end up just pulling out, its to much. I feel like i pull myself up and my dad comes along and just drags me back down. I have been doing this for years and i've had enough.

Thank you for reading

james1 · ‎23-05-2017

Hey smithy,

Welcome to the forums. It's lovely to meet you though you have a very sad story. I'm 25 and I have a sister who's 18, and my mother and father are divorced after 25 years of fighting, so a lot of what you said rings very true for me.

It sounds like you've been through a lot and tried to be the emotional rock for people. That is very nice and caring of you. It can be so hard to watch your family fight when all you want is for people to just get along.

But often we can do this at the expense of our own mental health. We can become too caring and considerate of what others feel, rather than thinking about what we want.

It sounds like your father and brother aren't the right people to talk to about this. Do you mind if I ask why you can't talk to your mum about how you feel? It sounds like you're both going through similar experiences so it can help to have someone close to you to talk to.

If not mother, how about some close friends? It's really important that you are able to get these thoughts and feelings out - you talked about wanting to speak up and not being able to. These want to get out because the longer they stay unsaid and unaddressed, the more it hurts. I'd also recommend the BeyondBlue support line (1300 22 4636). It's not the same as having someone physically there, but having a kind person on the phone to just listen to what you have to say can be very helpful.

Congratulations on the job by the way. That's very impressive for someone to get the job with all this other stuff going on. I hope you can feel proud of yourself for doing that 🙂

James

Jessicatherese94 · ‎24-05-2017

Hi Smithy and welcome to the forums. You sound like a genuine, caring person who has his family's interests at heart. I completely agree with James about talking to your mother about this, even if it might be a little uncomfortable she may be able to emphathise with you and help you, or maybe even a relative outside of the immediate family like a cousin/aunt etc. I'm sorry I can't offer more assistance, but James has expressed everything I feel. I would love to hear more about how you've been going the last few days. J.

Smithy21 · ‎24-05-2017

Hi james and jessica. Im just going to reply to both of you so its easier. thanks both for your kind comments. I understand that i need to worry about myself as well. I think the wise thing to do is to worry about myself first. I have a close cousin so i think i might talk to him about this. If he can't really help I'm going to talk to my mum about this because i know that it'll help. I Know she is going threw a lot so hopefully my cousin and I can talk about ways to help her 🙂 I have already organised to catch up with him so we can talk about it then. I feel a lot better with myself thanks to your kind tips. I insist that you stay on this site. People like you make such a difference in this world. I hope to stay in touch with both of you 🙂 Thanks again and take care!

Smithy21 · ‎24-05-2017

Hi james and jessica. Im just going to reply to both of you so its easier. thanks both for your kind comments. I understand that i need to worry about myself as well. I think the wise thing to do is to worry about myself first. I have a close cousin so i think i might talk to him about this. If he can't really help I'm going to talk to my mum about this because i know that it'll help. I Know she is going threw a lot so hopefully my cousin and I can talk about ways to help her 🙂 I have already organised to catch up with him so we can talk about it then. I feel a lot better with myself thanks to your kind tips. I insist that you stay on this site. People like you make such a difference in this world. I hope to stay in touch with both of you 🙂 Thanks again and take care!

james1 · ‎30-05-2017

Hey Smithy,

I'm glad to hear you're going to try and talk to your cousin and maybe your mum. It can be very difficult to open up but it's also very important because it can help to get those thoughts verbalised.

These forums are always a safe place for you to air your thoughts or let us know how you're feeling. 🙂

James