Failing University, Anxiety holding me back, Feel like it's too late

[Zyn]

Hey,

I'm a student. Earlier this year, due to me mishandling a situation at home, my single parent mum had to leave the home due to an AVO. I currently live with my younger sibling.

I'm on good terms with my mother, but these past several months with me suddenly losing a parent in the household and being alone with my sibling, I lost focus of my life and delved into online games which took a significant toll on my University studies. Internally, I know I'm just blaming my situation on the AVO, but I know if I was more focused and had more mental fortitude, I would have been able to succeed in University as well.

Last semester of University, I had two final exams which I did poorly on because when I read the date, I thought it was 13th, but when I double checked later on, it was on the 3rd, and I only had a single day to prepare for 2 exams. I failed both courses. I'm a year behind in Uni and on probation.

After I realised what had happened, I identified the issue : games. I spent so much time playing games, because it was an escape from real life. When I'm playing, all the failing marks, being behind in studies, my situation; none of it exists.

Thankfully, I've managed to go cold turkey on games and haven't played in a month. For reference on how much I was playing, in 2 months, I played 700 Hours (average 12 hours a day). I've also started going to the gym and that also makes me feel like I'm doing something positive with my life. I'm also focusing more on uni now.

The issue is whenever I let my thoughts roam, I feel like its too late, and I've already messed up. I've been lying to my father (has his own family, lives separately) whenever he calls about my marks because I can't handle to tell him the truth.

Right now my goals in life:
>get fit >get a job that isn't fast food >get my P licence >Do better in Uni

All my friends from highschool have already attained these goals, but my anxiety is holding me back. When I think about getting a job, I tell myself I will do it after I can drive to work. I used to work at McDonalds but I hated it to the stage where I dreaded every morning I had to wake up for work so I quit right after the AVO incident. I can get my P's as I visit my mother and drive in her car with her but when I do I feel so much anxiety about such little things, like 'what if there's no parking', 'what if something goes wrong', 'what if she asks me about university'.

Anyways, just needed to share, thanks for reading.

[Zyn]

Sorry can a moderator change this to 'young people' section. sorry

[white knight]

Hi Zyn, welcome

I know I'm much older (61) but some of us oldies when reading your story see very clearly whats happening.

Your life hasnt been home stable and you've fallen into traps not unlike some falling into gambling or drinking. Then you have guilt and that explains the lies to your father.

So the first thing I'd like to mention is life itself. It isnt ever smooth although we look over at others and think their's is. These rocky roads are indeed part of life. Its how we manage these humps in the road is whats important.

So acceptance is part of the cure.

Priorities. Getting fit, although important shouldnt be your number 1. Getting your license should be and if you havent got enough money for that or a car then getting a job should be. It wasnt that long ago many people never had a car but still worked. Public transport.

Its understandable about not wanting take away work but thats where the work mainly is. Sometimes we cant choose. Shift work is hell but I had no choice when I had children child support to pay. Sorry if you feel this is a lecture it isnt meant to be.

As a dad with grown daughters now, when my daughter now teacher was at uni had she had similar issues I'd prefer she tell me. Own your problems and discuss. A dad living away from their child has limited influence, its a loss we dont like. Dads want to help. Ask dad to join you at a cafe for a chat with no one else. Seek a better connection with him without others around.

On your uni stuff, if you think its all too hard what about a change of direction? I joined the RAAF at 17, got adult wages, cheap rent and meals, travelled and set myself up for a working life by choosing a profession I enjoyed. But it isnt for everyone.

You are doing pretty good. You have identified your own issues. Anxiety - visit your gp.

Google

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: distraction and variety- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Repost anytime

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Zyn~

I'd like to join Tony WK in welcoming you here. Tony has as usual given pretty good advice.

From your post it looks like you have a pretty clear idea of what has been happening, and its causes. This is of course a great start in fixing things. I am not sure however you really understand the size of the pressures on you. It is easy to blame yourself for everything, even when some of your actions are simply responses to things outside your control.

While you don't go into detail about your mum and the AVO you have to remember that trying to deal with such domestic situations is hard and mistakes are bound to happen. There is no guidebook and often nobody really to ask. The fact you get on with your mum is a real win.

Going to uni, all by itself, is a huge change form school and comes with all sorts of built-in pressures, one of which is having to rely upon your own resources to do everything. Unis are very used to students who don't do well in first year, so you are far from alone. The fact you have another chance is great and I'd imagine now you have seen some of the pitfalls you will learn from them and make the most of it - it certainly is not too late.

Everyone makes mistakes, the smart people learn from them if they are given the opportunity.

From your descriptions of your thoughts about job, driving and all the rest I would not be surprised if you have an anxiety condition. This is something that does need fixing, and the way to start is to see your GP in a long appointment, set out everything that has been happening to you and how you have reacted and see what happens. I found I simply go worse until I had medical support. I would not put it off.

If you are diagnosed with a condition then seeing Uni Disability Services would be a must. They can help with deadlines and other matters and arrange counseling if needed.

Going to the gym is good and exercise definatly does help anxiety, however it could be a trap if you let it take over as gaming did.

If you can be straight with your dad that would be one worry less. As Tony says most dads do want to help given the chance. Have you really talked over your problems with anyone - your sister perhaps? Talk can be a real help, hassles shared plus fresh perspective

Comparing yourself to others from your school is not really fair, they have different lives from you and different things to worry about. Concentrate on you - and the successes you do have.

Please talk here as often as you would like

Croix