Extreme Guilt?

[Guest_47909597]

Alright so I am literally overwhelmed as hell, I'm thinking of the worst to come to me, I'm justifying I'm going to hell, I'm trying to think of reasons why It's not what I think, I'm freaking out, please somebody help me, I screwed around a lot when I was younger (Im 19 now) and its coming back to me what that means. Im not 100% sure, but I'm certain. I'm feeling the worst in my stomach, I cant do anything to distract myself and I cant even find myself deserving to find happiness or like my old self again. I'm seriously panicking, and I know this is risky to talk about with the circumstances of the topic but If I just can't talk about it to somebody I'm gonna be risking worse of myself. I'm currently crying, shaking, panicking, I feel isolated to talk about it because idk if It'll get me in trouble. I feel nauseous, I'm confused, I'm scared, I'm so so shameful, I need help forgiving myself or recovering from this, please.

[Guest_33375171]

I hope your feelings have past. Have you had anxiety attacks before? A lot of people have a lot of intercourse when they are young, this might sound weird but have you prayed on it? If it’s filled you with guilt, ask for forgiveness? Works for me. 

[Sophie_M]

Hello and welcome to the forums! 

Okay first of all - BIG BREATH. Take a moment to maybe shake your arms and legs, and discharge a little bit of this anxiousness. You're safe. 

I know you're feeling scared and I totally get it. Sometimes my brain works like this too - it will conjure the worst possible outcome to a scenario and I will believe it 100%! But just because I believe it, doesn't make it true. 

It seems like something you did in your past isn't sitting with your integrity in the present. It's really common for reflections like this to bring about a sense of guilt and shame. Whilst this feeling is utterly awful, it also shows us how much we have grown and have the ability to continue to grow. You are not your mistakes, but how you handle them can really shape your life in a positive direction. Trust me (I'm older and have more greys). 

I would recommend speaking about this with one person you trust. It could be with us, a close friend, a trusted adult, or a counsellor. Shame heals when we can share our story, and if you share with someone who is able to offer compassion, you will be surprised how much this sense of guilt and fear can shift. This younger part of you who made some choices they aren't proud of deserves love and support right now - you are allowed to ask for that. 

Maybe you could start with ReachOut online or Headspace in person? These are great organisations for mental health care:

ReachOut PeerChat | Talk to a peer worker who understands | ReachOut Australia
headspace National Youth Mental Health Foundation

Let us know how you go and what you decide. In the meantime, maybe you could practice writing everything out (that might feel scary, but you don't need to show anyone yet, this is just for you). 

Sending big hugs your way, 

Sophie M. 

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at what sounds like such an incredibly upsetting and stressful time in your life.

Not sure if there are specific repercussions you're facing or you're experiencing a general sense of overwhelming stress and shame regarding the kind of lifestyle that you've perhaps suddenly woken up to. I've found that with waking up to certain choices or lifestyles, it typically happens for me when a new part of me has come to life. For example, I could have been somewhat influenced by a carefree part of me in the past when suddenly some new part of me can sound like 'What you did was wrong' or 'The choices you've been making up 'til now have been terrible'. I find that if I can name that part of me then I can manage it better. My  'inner critic' can be a tough one to manage, that's for sure. It can be brutal at times.

Finding the reasons for the choices we make can prove liberating sometimes and we become more reason able (reasonable) in the process

• I wasn't as conscious then as I am now
• The carefree part of myself is one of the factors that led me to not care so much about what I've now come to care about
• I loved the feelings my choices provided me with and now I'm waking up to new feelings which are really challenging me
• I've opened my mind and now see things from a new perspective, a perspective that's leading me to suffer

and the reasons go on.

As a much younger gal, I used to think 'I wish I could be one of those highly conscious people. I wish I could gain a sense of wisdom that could lead me to evolve in incredible ways'. Over the years my wish has come true but what no one tells you is greater consciousness/awareness, a greater sense of wisdom and a sense of evolution can come with massive challenges at times. It can kind of be like an 'all or nothing' thing. For example, if I gain a greater sense of awareness about my choices in the past, I may also gain awareness in regard to the people I've hurt through those choices. Greater awareness means new feelings can come to life as well and there's a need to work through those feelings so that we can come out the other side not suffering through them.

I've found what has made a big difference to me in the past, regarding self forgiveness, is to look at it like this...

My younger self was not fully conscious and I forgive her for that. I am conscious now and will live in ways that reflect this'. I've also found it productive to eliminate the word 'shame' from my vocab. Shame serves no purpose other than sufferance. It is designed to make us suffer. It's a horrible destructive thing and can get in the way of us evolving in the most productive of ways. There are far more productive emotions other than shame. ❤️

[Eurovision_Fan]

Hi! I get how you feel. I'm also feeling this way. Just saying, if feeling like you're going to hell for whatever reason is part of the problem, maybe consider leaving your religion? As I am a minor and don't want my parents to know I am no longer Christian, I keep it quiet. After leaving my former religion, my mental health has improved slightly and I don't feel as guilty. I understand if you don't want to, but just something to consider.