Extreme Anxiety & Moderate Depression (University Student)

[laa]

I will try and keep this as short as possible - but I do have a lot on my mind.

So, I am a 20 year old University student who should be in her 4th year of university. In reality I have only finished 1 year! The reason being that people and conversation scare me so much that I do not attend any of my classes; not even lectures. I live with my parents who think that I will be completing University at the end of next year, but this it not true. I still only attend uni out of routine so that my parents think that I am attending classes.

I feel my anxiety started around in 2011 (I was in grade 10), but I used to give it the name of 'shyness'. Slowly that changed when I started uni & realised that something is not right.

I have had a rough childhood, but I will not go into the details of that.

My teachers in school always knew something was wrong, and have always tried to help me out. I was really violent in school (since primary school), however, I was always a teachers pet. They definitely knew something was wrong when I started bullying this girl at school (and got suspended). Despite having their help readily available to me, I was too scared to talk to them about what was happening behind the scenes - I really regret not getting their help now.

Now my anxiety is at the point where even walking/sitting in public scares me. Eating in public scares me, so I go into the fitting rooms in shops and eat in there. I totally avoid any conversation. I totally avoid visitors when they come over to my house. At uni, I sit in the library in the most empty corner on the level with the least people. I have stopped going out (except for going to uni), and I don't have any friends. Physically, I think anxiety is taking over where my chest starts hurting & I feeling dizzy. I get dry mouth and sweat like crazy! Headaches are also prominent and I get dreams where I feel like I cannot move or breath (they are scary because it actually feels like it is happening).

I think I will stop here, but I have missed a lot of details.

Basically I do not know what to do next, I know I need to do something because this is just getting worse and worse, but I am too scared to talk to anyone. I have thought about seeing the counselor at uni, but off course, just the thought of going to their office is putting me off.

Thank you taking your time out to read this.

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hello laa and welcome to BB forums,

Don't worry about not giving us 'the details', we can understand & relate to how you are feeling because we have been in the same place ourselves.

You said that now you regret not reaching out to the school counsellor. It was likely the same reasons that are holding you back atm, but maybe you didn't realise it back then.

You have the opportunity to help youself again. It is never easy to take that first HUGE step. All of us here have felt the same. Many here have delayed seeking professional help for years, even decades, thinking they could self-heal. We have learnt that this is impossible, and that as hard as it is to reach out, the path to mental well being is possible and made much easier with professional guidance & support. Please don’t allow yourself to be reflecting on the same thing in months or even years.

Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? Would it be easier to make a Dr.s appointment (a double appt is usually recommended). A Dr. has much more experience, and has many more options to offer you. You would qualify for 10 free visits to a psychologist under Medicare on a mental health plan. This could help you to understand how all 'the details' are impacting on your life. I have the impression that you would benefit from this. Such long standing issues are unlikely to be resolved by a uni counsellor alone. They are able to help re overdue assignments, study issues etc as well as showing you further support available, but I think your Dr would be a better starting point. It seems that your study problems may stem from deeper, under-running issues. Your life will only benefit from properly addressing these now, before any more problems emerge and compound further.

I hope you will keep posting here. Writing things down often lets you see things more clearly as well as help you feel better for venting. Not to mention any replies which offer the wisdom of this wonderful community. For me, reading other threads is very helpful and enlightening, there is a lot to be learned from others’ experiences.

Best wishes x

[laa]

Hi Jugglin Stugglin!

Thank you so much for the warm welcome & your response - I finally feel like I really am not the only one.

It is very nerve wracking going and speaking to someone about such a sensitive topic; just posting on here had me get the butterflies. But I want to thank you because you have really helped me reach a starting point.

I think what you are saying about the uni counsellor is right, and it is not something I thought of before. They would only be able to talk about study and career related problems. So speaking to a doctor would be my best bet. But before I speak to anyone else, I think I need to get the courage from somewhere to tell my parents. I think somewhere it would be easier to tell someone I know first, before going for outside help. Off course this is easier said than done!

Anyway, thanks again!

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Thanks for reply,

I would do whatever is easiest for you.

I think I would find it easier to go to docs first and find out what they recommended before thinking about telling my folks, mainly cos I Wouldn't know what to tell them. We are all different though, so hopefully you will find it easier to tell them, and they will give you support through this.

Either way, I hope you don't delay getting the support you need to get some control over your anxiety cos it can seriously affect the quality of life, as you well know. Please do it now, before it gets any worse.

Best wishes x