Since about July last year, I've had this circle of friends who I've been seeing and spending time with. No longer am I high school student, nope full on out there in the adult world.
I feel like a burden on my friends as they see me suffer from anxiety attacks a lot. Like they will say something and I'll freak out thinking they want me to cut me off from their social circles.
One of them had a boyfriend and I was seeing her a lot so I wrote to her explaining that I respected her relationship and I wouldn't try to change it. I just wanted to be her friend and if it seemed I wanted to pursue that path with her it was purely unintentional.
Mostly due to a horrible experience I had in high school where a guy got extremely mad that I was talking to his girlfriend during lunch break. He screamed at her and then threatened me later. She separated from him because of how she spoke to me, so I blamed myself for that incident. Me and this high school friend are still friends to this very day also
I've just been getting worse and worse, panic attacks all the time. Sometimes they get frustrated, over times they lightly laugh about how much I tend to be Mr.Worry from the Mr.Men books. I write to them very frequently, worrying that if I don't I will be forgotten and will slip from their minds.
I feel like I'm not what they want or need. I feel like I'm going to get abandoned almost everyday.
