Don't know how to go on

[AloneInTheDark]

Hello guys
It's been about 3 months since I last posted, i've been struggling and checking in here hasn't been a priority.
What's brought me back?
I hate my life.

Uni is horrible, because of my depression, i just don't get along with anyone, there's a few people who make me smile sometimes

i don't have any friends anymore, they all seem to have disappeared in the midst of my struggles, and that makes it worse.

I went and saw my G.P in private to talk about my mental state and he suggested i go to a Psychologist, which i'm booked in to see soon, however
I'm so nervous about going there.

Life just keeps finding ways to make me feel more and more worthless, and I don't know what i've done to deserve it.

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[JessF]

Hello AloneInTheDark, you're never alone here and if you're on the forums then there will at least be some light from your screen haha... yes, I'm in one of those glass half-full moods, so hopefully you won't want to scream too much.

I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling, hopefully you can keep coming back in here for us to write to you. You say it hasn't been a priority for you, but it does sound like you need a shoulder.  One of the things depression does is that it makes us feel low that no one is helping, but also saps our motivation for wanting to reach out for help too.  We become our own worst enemy, I know I do.

Anyway, glad to see you are back. A couple of years ago, I read an article called 'little bits of light', it was by a man relating his story of his girlfriend's depression and what it was like from his perspective. The 'little bits of light' were those moments during the tough times that provided hope. We need to help you find those and turn up the dimmer switch! Such as... uni feels horrible, but there are a few people who make you smile.  That's a little bit of light right there.  Who are they? Can you spend more time with them, even if it's just a coffee after a lecture once a week?