Can't take the first step

[MelodyWasHer2ndName]

I've recently fallen into another spiral of depression. Every day when I come home, I lock myself in my room, cry myself to sleep, wake up, pretend to be OK then do it all over again. I cant muster a single happy thought, there is nothing in my life to look forward to. 

 I used to be able to sort of deal with it with the help of my boyfriend, however after 7 years together, we have just split up. He was my one and only friend in the world and now I am completely and utterly alone. There is not a single other person I could tell about my depression.

I know I need help, but I have this crippling fear of going to the GP and asking for a refferal to a psychologist.  I have nightmares about it and want to cry just thinking about it. Having to exlain to someone how depressed I am so they can basically judge whether I'm depressed enough to warrant a mental health plan is the most stressful thing I can imagine. I can imagine him saying "get over yourself, there are others out there who have it worse than you" I cant face that sort of judgement or rejection

I feel so helpless and alone. How do I take the first step to getting help when im feeling this way?

I cant ask anyone for help in real life, this forum is my only hope.

K

[guest75]

HI Melody

I know the thought of going to see a GP to ask for a mental health plan can be scary, but from my experience its not too bad...When i saw my GP (it was a GP i had never seen before) i told him how i was feeling and that i needed to talk to someone, he asked a few questions that were needed for the MHP and then wrote it up for me.  No GP would deny someone access to a professional to get help for their mental health

I also know how you are feeling.  I have nothing good in my life to look forward too (except seeing my kids and my ex is making that difficult) - I have no friends whatsoever, i distanced myself from them during my 11 year relationship with my ex and then boom she leaves me a broken hollow shell of a person.  YOu are not alone with the way you are feeling

Please go and see your GP as soon as you can, i promise they wont react the way you are fearing.  If you look at the top of the page under get support you can search for a GP in your area that is specifically trained in mental health

Please keep posting here, this community on here is fantastic and very supportive of everyone

Matty

[Neil_1]

Hi Melody

And welcome to Beyond Blue and I say “Well done” to you for coming to this site and posting your thread here.  That can take a bit of effort and it’s really good that you’ve been able to do that.

Melody, that has been your FIRST step in a positive manner – a really important one. The equal other first step that you have taken is that you realise that you need help – that’s a big positive also.

It’s great that Matty has chimed in with his post to you and has suggested the on-line GP’s that Beyond Blue have listed here on their website.  As Matty has said, they are all GP’s but with the added advantage that they are all fully trained and qualified in dealing with mental health issues. 

I’ll now try to break down your concerns – it might work, it might not, but I’m going to give it a shot.  So bare with my Melody.  🙂

If you can make your appointment to a GP, especially say, one of the ones that are on this website – this I would believe is what these GP’s would experience for a large part of their day or if not, at least they are highly experienced in this aspect.  Therefore, they will not be judging you one bit – they will be extremely caring and compassionate towards you – knowing full well that this can be a highly traumatic experience for someone to go along and talk about such issues.

From my experience, the Mental Health Plan is a list of about 10 questions that you just have to respond to, for how you feel on a daily basis and it’s answers like:  always, a lot of the time, about 50-50,  not that often, and never.  Or something along those lines – the Doc will then complete the test for you and add up your score etc – and there is absolutely NO shame here – none at all – there are literally thousands of us who have been through this. 

One thing NO ONE will ever who deals with mental health issues, either via treating it or experiencing it, is they will never ever say to you is to “Get over yourself” or “Buck up”, etc etc – you’ve got an idea of what I’m referring to here.  Mental health issues/illness is something that isn’t taken lightly by those who are professional, those in the ‘know’  or simply those who suffer from it – ‘us here on this website’.  It’s an evil evil disease that needs to be battled with outside additional help.  It really can’t be taken on by yourself – you need outside assistance and the outside assistance you will receive will be as recommended by your GP. 

This will be them referring you to the right kind of counsellor – who in their view, will be of most benefit to you.  Please Melody, this process while sounding daunting because it’s most likely out of your comfort zone, WILL BE OK – this is what these wonderful folk deal with day in, day out and they will be supportive and kind to you.

The other thing I’d like to mention is please don’t be trying to compare your illness to others.  It doesn’t work that way.  The fact is, you’ve got the illness – yes there are so many others out there as well who are suffering – but that’s just the thing – they’re suffering, you’re suffering – end of story.  There are no comparison made as to who has it worse.  If you’ve got it, you’ve got it – and that’s an awful and unfortunate thing, but it is reality.

Ps:  though this is all done via the interweb, we are real people behind these computers – and we are all in the same boat – it’s an awful big boat, by the way.  🙂

I hope I’ve helped in some way for you Melody – but you have got me intrigued – as your name appears as Melody, but you signed off your post with K.  Just curious is all.  🙂

I also hope that you can get back to us as well.

Kind regards

 Neil

[MelodyWasHer2ndName]

Hi Matty

Thanks for replying

I know in my head that the GP wont deny me help, but my stupid brain wont stop being anxious over it. 

Thanks for your reassurance, I know its weird, but just having someone tell me its going to be OK makes me feel better

As you can understand, its very hard to rebuild your life after being in a relationship with someone for so long. Im hoping that with therapy I can pull myself back together and find some joy in this life because I dont know how to do it alone.

I hope you get the support you need too and start to feel better soon

[MelodyWasHer2ndName]

Hi Neil

Thanks so much for your response,

You and Matty have offered such great advice, im looking into those GPs who specialise in mental health, I think I will be less nervous if I knew that these doctors deal with these sorts of things regulalrly

Ive had people in the past tell me to "just be a stronger person" which absolutely devestated me and its why im so terrified of sharing my feelings. I know a GP would never tell me buck up, but the fear still plagues me

I am chronically bad at comparing myself to others, and you're right I shouldnt do it. Sometimes I think im the only person who could be feeling this way. But you and this website have showed md that im not alone and theres people out there willing to help.

My goal by next week is to have made an appointment with a GP (I kmow that sounds lame, but im just not strong enough enough to rush out of my comfort zone just yet)

As for my username, thats just a reference to my favourite song, I use it whenever I have to make a username for online. My real name starts with a K 🙂

Thanks again