Young people

I dont know what to do right now.

replies: 4

Hi, my name is Shaun. I'm a young teenager who's been suffering Depression for 6 years. It all started off when my parents started fighting when I was 8. During Primary school I was bullied during my hole time there. When I was first suffering from D... View more

Hi, my name is Shaun. I'm a young teenager who's been suffering Depression for 6 years. It all started off when my parents started fighting when I was 8. During Primary school I was bullied during my hole time there. When I was first suffering from Depression my nan was helping me get through this by supporting me and being there for me when I needed that support. In 2010, I was 9 and found her dead on the floor in her house. That day I fainted and I was barely able to accept the one person who basically only cared for me had died and left the world. I was on my own battling Depression. My parents fighting grew upon me and they were fighting more often. School and bullying was getting worse, I was going home crying every night until I was asleep. I finally finished year 6 and went to High School. I met this nice teacher who listened and started helping herself and listening to me. She put me into the right direction of where I should of been going in the first place. (By the way, I live where my dads side is so my mums side is 9 hours away so I cannot move to someone else unfortunately.) I was still getting bullied through High School and my parents fighting go so bad they physically fighted. Because I was being bullied, my grades were dropping and my parents were getting madly angry at me and they started punishing me because of it. So of course that was another spark to my Depression. This year, I met a new friend. She was awesome. She actually made me feel like I am actually somebody. I felt like life was great and we got so close that we started dating. Then one day she dumped me and she went to somebody and started spreading romours about me. I lost so many friends I was on my own most of the days. So I got so depressed I started self harming. I went to the school counsellor and they told my parents. Well, that wasn't a great idea because my mum was angry & sad at me. She took me to the docotor and they put me on tablets. They recommended for me to go to headpsace. I did, I told my counsellor everything. But I still didn't feel as anything was getting better. So I went back to self harming again. My parents fighting grew more upon me and they were bringing me into their fights. A few weeks ago, the teacher who had been helping for the years had died. I was shatted. Life is getting harder on me? I thought all this help was going to help me. I don't know what to do with my life right now. Due to the love issue I have, I am upset when I see couples walking past when I am out or when I am at school. I just want to end my life right now but I don't have the guts too? I am scared to tell my counsellor that because she will go straight to my parents. What do I do? I want to get better but life is throwing more negative then positive beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Loneliness/depression

replies: 2

Hey. Ever since last year, when I was with this guy, who he cheated on me early last year, I have been really depressed and isolated myself from all of my friends, everyone has been leaving me and I find it really hard to connect to anyone anymore. I... View more

Hey. Ever since last year, when I was with this guy, who he cheated on me early last year, I have been really depressed and isolated myself from all of my friends, everyone has been leaving me and I find it really hard to connect to anyone anymore. I don't go out, I stay in my room and read books, I have been getting in alot of trouble at home though for binge drinking and then going into massive rages, everyone says I can't handle my emotions... and that if I don't learn some kind of control I'll get myself into trouble one day, (I have done some things that I'm not going to say to others) But i've just lost all my self esteem, I'm rapidly loosing weight, I can't stop feeling this feeling of doom in the pit of my stomach and its horrible. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I feel lonely all the time, but i'm so bitter and don't want to be around anyone at the same time.

So this my depression story thing

replies: 8

Okay so first off, let me introduce myself, kinda. I'm Emi, 20 year old Education student. I know I'm doing okay in my course but the rest of my life leaves a little to be desired. I'll keep this relatively short and sweet in point form: - Overweight... View more

Okay so first off, let me introduce myself, kinda. I'm Emi, 20 year old Education student. I know I'm doing okay in my course but the rest of my life leaves a little to be desired. I'll keep this relatively short and sweet in point form: - Overweight most of my life, recently started going back the gym but afraid I'll never lose weight - Constantly compare myself to others - Never can really fit into a group - Constantly worried and scared, with a little knotty feeling in the chest - Cant do stuff people my age do due to family, my parents put a curfew staying out past 8 or 9pm and they need the numbers of everyone I know - I feel like I'm constantly living life for my family instead of myself, and I feel like I'm living a lie - I'm bisexual and apparently my sexuality doesn't exist - I feel like I'm never good enough - People always push me away when they find someone prettier, funnier and more outgoing than me - Most days I feel are kinda wasted - I love my job but the pay sucks - I've never travelled outside the country and I feel like I'm missing out - I had an affair that left me badly burnt and unable to trust as easily as I used to - I hate being lonely but I also hate being in social situations - I haven't been genuinely happy in years and have repeated suicidal thoughts - I feel fat, ugly and unloved - I don't want to be around my family anymore .... and that's about it.

I think I need help

replies: 5

I am in my final year of high school and there is an omnipresence of depression in my life.Some things I believe to be causing this depression are-The lack of people to talk to about my problems. I have one friend who I actually like and would never ... View more

I am in my final year of high school and there is an omnipresence of depression in my life.Some things I believe to be causing this depression are-The lack of people to talk to about my problems. I have one friend who I actually like and would never talk to her about these problems, not only would I not want to put the burden on her but it would lead to an awkward conversation and she would probably tell the school counsellor which would raise other issues because this would lead to other social issues at my school. My family sucks and i haven't spoken to any of them with sincerity since I can remember. In general I dislike most people or have superficial relationships with people, this means that I am unable to discuss my thoughts with anyone.- I have no ambition. This is what the most influential teacher at my school told me and perhaps it's true, however, by putting it into words it made it more of a reality. Why should I care whether I get a perfect score or just a pass, my life does not revolve around school, and I have lead myself to believe that there are more important things in life than school and that if we want to address them then we -as in society- have to place more emphasis on them rather than on a degree. And I am not saying that being educated is not important, because it is extremely important, but I am saying that the education system is a business and everyone is trying to exploit us usually for money and reputation. I am refusing to put up with letting people decide for me what my virtues "should" be and what society "thinks" I should become.-I lack emotion. Not really, I think a lot of things are funny and am happy quite often, especially when I am around other people, and I don't know if I am just putting on a facade of false happiness to stop people from caring about me or if it genuine, because when I believe a lie for a long period of time it becomes difficult to distinguish between reality and lies. On the other hand whenever I want to, need to or even should feel sad I can't instead I just feel anger, confusion, and frustration. It's as if I have all of this sadness inside of me which I push aside but then when it surfaces I can't release it. It's like in the pitch drop experiment. I am waiting for the drop to come and know it will come but don't know when. When it does come I will have a relieving release of emotions but until then I have them bottled inside of me and therefore constantly depressed.-lack of empathy. I am unable to empathise with people that I know, and maybe this is why I don't tell people things because when they tell me about their insecurities and anxieties I truly don't care, and I try really hard to pretend like I care but I don't. another problem is that I lack the ability to cry when I am sad. I am sure that if I could cry I would be able to release my bottled sadness. Sometimes when it gets really bad I watch a really sad movie and for some reason I am able to cry for the characters in the film, it feels really good to cry I wish I could do it more often.-finally when people are kind to me I get really confused and it makes me "sad" (as i defined earlier). maybe it's because my family consists of only unloving people who are self centered and impossible to have a conversation with. The only words we share are cold and monosyllabic therefore when people are genuinely compassionate towards me (this is rare because I usually block and avoid all kinds of compassionate circumstances) I feel as if they are trying to make me vulnerable so that they can then go on to attack my already weak self esteem.I know I have some sort of problem, but haven't seen anyone about it and am not planning on seeing anyone, I just wanted to share my thoughts because my depression was coming to a low and I had read that talking to people helps. Since I have no one to talk to I thought this would be the next best option.

Negative and feeling alone

replies: 3

Im 17 and in my last year at high school, sorry if this doesn't make alot of sense because it is hard for me to explain and talk about all these kind of things. My head is just basically filled with negative thoughts, deep down i know there is lots o... View more

Im 17 and in my last year at high school, sorry if this doesn't make alot of sense because it is hard for me to explain and talk about all these kind of things. My head is just basically filled with negative thoughts, deep down i know there is lots of positive things in my life but im always brought down, stressed or worried about something and apart from spontaneous happy moods (which dont last) im always focusing on the negative. Since the beginning of the year i have been trying to tell myself to change this and make it a really great positive year but the past few weeks all i cant think about is the negative to every situation. One of the worst things for me is feeling alone, i just feel like everyone is different and noone understands me. Sometimes i even start to think that everyones out to get me and that even my best of friends are not true friends. I dont know if the problem is just school/my school, the people that i surround myself with, or if the problem is just me. Ive never really has a proper relationship or anything like that and ive got pretty bad ache that wont go away no matter what i do and i know they are cliches for being upset but im sure they affect me too because im always assuming the worst and thinking about the negative side of my situations. I cant really see myself going anywhere with my life at the moment and again i dont really know if what im saying here makes sense since i cant explain it properly. Anyway i just cant talk to anyone about how i feel (even my mum who i love more than life) because its stuck in my head and really frustrating. Theres alot more i want and need to say but maybe another time when i can wrap my head around how im feeling. THANKS for reading and i would really appreciate it if someone that felt/feels the same way could give me any advice about changing my mindsets and making positives in my life.

Feel like crying

replies: 10

So today I'm turning 20....it's just a shame that iv gotta spend just today like I do every other day lonely and nothing to do... I'm just feeling down today and I just feel like crying, it just be nice if just this once I could have a good day and s... View more

So today I'm turning 20....it's just a shame that iv gotta spend just today like I do every other day lonely and nothing to do... I'm just feeling down today and I just feel like crying, it just be nice if just this once I could have a good day and spend it with friends (that I dont have) and do something nice for a change

I'm New, and need help

replies: 1

Hey, I'm relaively new here, only joined all of 5 minutes ago, after doing the test and coming back with a score of 34. I dont know how bad that is, but I really want to fix it. I'm sick of wasting other peoples time with my stories, they always seem... View more

Hey, I'm relaively new here, only joined all of 5 minutes ago, after doing the test and coming back with a score of 34. I dont know how bad that is, but I really want to fix it. I'm sick of wasting other peoples time with my stories, they always seem to have something much more important on, although they never specifically tell me that. I am 14, and my parents are amazing, but I dont want to worry them with something like this. I feel as though if I told them, I will look over dramatic, as I have had issues like this in the past. I used to be a straight A student with a love for school, and although I am still getting good marks (A, A +), I have no will for school anymore. I don't want to go, and I don't see why I need to do it if we are all going to die anyway. Relationships confuse me, and all my friends seem to be trying new stuff that I am uninterested in, such as make up and dress ups. I feel as though I will be forever alone, and that no one will ever love me. I am so confused about my sexuality, but I am almost sure I am straight, or bi. I know I am not gay. Now writing that though, it feels wrong. I wouldn't label myself as bi. Is that what matters? I feel as though there are two version of me. One that I show to my friends, and one inside my head that is writing to you now. The one inside my head can't be let out verbally I think, only through writing poetry and online and stuff. I just really wanted to know if this is normal? I don't know what to do? I think about dying a lot, but then again I'm not suicidal I don't think, This was all triggered because of a Parent Teacher Interview. I want to get back on track but I don't know how. And I want to do it it internally, without other people knowing. I want to be better. I want to go back to the old me Meg

Can't take the first step

replies: 4

I've recently fallen into another spiral of depression. Every day when I come home, I lock myself in my room, cry myself to sleep, wake up, pretend to be OK then do it all over again. I cant muster a single happy thought, there is nothing in my life ... View more

I've recently fallen into another spiral of depression. Every day when I come home, I lock myself in my room, cry myself to sleep, wake up, pretend to be OK then do it all over again. I cant muster a single happy thought, there is nothing in my life to look forward to. I used to be able to sort of deal with it with the help of my boyfriend, however after 7 years together, we have just split up. He was my one and only friend in the world and now I am completely and utterly alone. There is not a single other person I could tell about my depression. I know I need help, but I have this crippling fear of going to the GP and asking for a refferal to a psychologist. I have nightmares about it and want to cry just thinking about it. Having to exlain to someone how depressed I am so they can basically judge whether I'm depressed enough to warrant a mental health plan is the most stressful thing I can imagine. I can imagine him saying "get over yourself, there are others out there who have it worse than you" I cant face that sort of judgement or rejection I feel so helpless and alone. How do I take the first step to getting help when im feeling this way? I cant ask anyone for help in real life, this forum is my only hope. K

Don't know how to go on

replies: 1

Hello guysIt's been about 3 months since I last posted, i've been struggling and checking in here hasn't been a priority.What's brought me back?I hate my life.Uni is horrible, because of my depression, i just don't get along with anyone, there's a fe... View more

Hello guysIt's been about 3 months since I last posted, i've been struggling and checking in here hasn't been a priority.What's brought me back?I hate my life.Uni is horrible, because of my depression, i just don't get along with anyone, there's a few people who make me smile sometimesi don't have any friends anymore, they all seem to have disappeared in the midst of my struggles, and that makes it worse.I went and saw my G.P in private to talk about my mental state and he suggested i go to a Psychologist, which i'm booked in to see soon, howeverI'm so nervous about going there.Life just keeps finding ways to make me feel more and more worthless, and I don't know what i've done to deserve it.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

There's nothing I like about life.

replies: 10

I've been getting professional counselling. None of it is helping. I wish I could just move to some quite place in South New Zealand and spend my days alone in some quite peak or small town where I wouldn't have to worry about all this luggage that c... View more

I've been getting professional counselling. None of it is helping. I wish I could just move to some quite place in South New Zealand and spend my days alone in some quite peak or small town where I wouldn't have to worry about all this luggage that comes with life. My friends have changed since going to University and have started acting very stuck up. I've deferred from University myself because I have absolutely no ambitions. My first Girlfriend left me right after new years this year, which in itself was a blessing in disguise because I now know what my value is as a person, which is small to none. So. Why exactly am I continuing each day suffering, dragging this ball and chain around my ankle. I have no one to wake up to in the morning to make a cup of tea and breakfast for. No one to share my interests with. I'm just sitting here without any friends and no reason to do anything. As Audrey Hepburn said “When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that's when I think life is over.” This is indeed how I feel right now. And you can tell me making friends is easy just be more outgoing, the thing is I have no interest in 'clubbing' or 'parties' or any such social events. I prefer to spend my time quietly at the beach reading a book or at a park enjoying the serenity. And even when I do see someone at the park or beach by themselves I'm often too scared to approach them. I wouldn't even know what to say. What if they thought I was some creep? I'm just stuck in this endless cycle of loneliness. I accept that I'm lonely, and I don't want a circle of friends, I just want one friend I can talk to and hang out with. Otherwise I'm really questioning myself as to why I'm wasting time and resources existing.

Pinned discussions

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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All discussions

I dont know what to do right now.

replies: 4

Loneliness/depression

replies: 2

So this my depression story thing

replies: 8

I think I need help

replies: 5

Negative and feeling alone

replies: 3

Feel like crying

replies: 10

I'm New, and need help

replies: 1

Can't take the first step

replies: 4

Don't know how to go on

replies: 1

There's nothing I like about life.

replies: 10

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

I dont know what to do right now. replies: 4

Loneliness/depression replies: 2

So this my depression story thing replies: 8

I think I need help replies: 5

Negative and feeling alone replies: 3

Feel like crying replies: 10

I'm New, and need help replies: 1

Can't take the first step replies: 4

Don't know how to go on replies: 1

There's nothing I like about life. replies: 10

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

I dont know what to do right now.

replies: 4

Loneliness/depression

replies: 2

So this my depression story thing

replies: 8

I think I need help

replies: 5

Negative and feeling alone

replies: 3

Feel like crying

replies: 10

I'm New, and need help

replies: 1

Can't take the first step

replies: 4

Don't know how to go on

replies: 1

There's nothing I like about life.

replies: 10