Does the sadness last forever?

[LuLu_]

Hello to those who are reading

I have been struggling with severe depression for a couple of years now. There have been many influential and significant events in the most important years of my life that have shaped who I am and I believe I will forever be changed for better or for worse.

I was wondering. Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever? Will a small piece of the extreme sadness I have felt stay within?

Please share your recovery journey or any thoughts that are on your mind. Any support and knowledge would be appreciated.

Lulu

[LuLu_]

Hi James

Thank you for your reply it means so much to me to know someone is listening.

I have thought about why people go to hospital and I too feel it would be a relief for me if I were to go somewhere where there were no expectations. But I am not sick enough for that and other have a greater need for such important care.

I like my psychologist I just felt she was pushing me to do the things I didn’t necessarily want to do to make sure I wasn’t procrastinating. But I don’t think at this time I need that pressure.

I don’t talk to my parents. I know it’s cliche but they really don’t understand. Even with guidance from my psychologist and psychiatrist they just cannot understand something they have never felt I suppose. The worst thing is they gunk they understand. I don’t blame them it can just been frustrating when it’s clear they don’t get it but they think they get you completely.

How are you? Are you in recovery? What has your journey been like lately? Thank you so much for your reply.

Hello Tim

I have been in contact with my psychologist and seen my psychiatrist recently. I don’t go into the depths of my thoughts but they know enough to see where I am at. My parents don’t really understand my thoughts and feelings and I feel too judged and misunderstood when talking to them.

I have written a safety plan but have never used it. I get to deep into the darkness to even contemplate going through my plan. But right now I am not in distress. I have looked at some apps but I just don’t know if they are for me. I suppose I find my psychologists support most helpful.

I listen to movie soundtracks. They are emotive and tell a story. I like that. Most of the ones I like are calm which is nice.

My distraction currently is eating.... not a great coping skill but it’s what I have right now.

How have you been going lately? What do you find most helpful during times of need?

thank you for replying, it means so much to have someone take the time to respond. It’s interesting how it’s the little things that matter so much

Lulu

[Ggrand]

Hello Lulu,

just calling in to see how your feeling today..

I do agree with you that it is usually the small things that make the biggest difference, I believe time although it's free in monetary value, it's really priceless when used in the right way..

It makes a big difference when you like your psych and you can trust them..I'm pleased for you there..Maybe with time your parents might start to understand a little about mental health and the problems they cause..

Its good to hear you have a safety plan ready if you need it..Have you checked out the.... "grounding what is it and how do we do it" " thread it will teach you how to make a simple ground box, bag or sachet and it can be fun while making one..These are portable and can be taken shopping, school, or friends house etc..

I know about eating for distraction, do you make up some carrot and celery sticks to munch on.. I like word games on the internet ..Alphabetty, scrabble, these are good distraction as well as learning..

I hope you have reasonably good week end with a little light shining on you..

Kind and caring hugs,

Grandy..

[smallwolf]

Hi,

How are thing with you?

The apps that I use were recommended by my psychologist. There are a tonne of apps out there for meditation or for mental illnesses but I would not trust them all. I did try out a few myself only to uninstall shortly thereafter. For me, they are tools that I can use between psych sessions.

Your distraction tool is eating? Junk food or fruit/nuts? My psych also suggested mindful eating exercises as well. Slows down the process of eating and engaging all the senses. So if you use a lolly like I would (with a wrapper) then you feel it, smell it, touch it, hear it. Before opening it. After taking off the wrapper, feel it, smell it, touch it, hear it. How is it different? Then put it in your mouth, but don't bite into. Suck it initially. With your tongue then feel it, taste it, touch it, hear it. Then after a short time, you can bit into the lolly and repeat the process (again). By concentrating on the lolly you are not thinking about whatever is causing you stress or anxiety, and it becomes a distraction tool.

I also music and games can be distraction tools as well. But I like my music to reflect my mood.

Pity your parents do not understand. Have they spoken to your psychologist at all? Or, have they read any of the resources on the beyond blue web site for support? But it can it hard to understand unless you have gone or going through it. After all, I look fine on the outside.

Tell me your favourite movie soundtrack?

Tim

[LuLu_]

Hello Grandy and Tim

Today has been an extreme challenge. My parents met with my school teachers today. They came back with such positive attitudes. Expressing how capable I am and how “chunking work down into smaller bits can be helpful”. But what happens when you are too overwhelmed to think straight or too depressed to want to get through the day let alone sit down and do schoolwork which causes such extreme anxiety.

I have no motivation and no energy. I don’t have the will anymore to try. School is a place where I push myself into such a dark pit. Why would anyone expect me to go to a place which worsens my depression and makes me feel like a failure.

I had a couple of friends come over and I felt the weight of the mask I was holding up. The happy “I am doing fine” front that I always put up has such an effect on me. It was so exhausting I just felt like crying the whole time.

I feel I am such a burden. I haven’t been well for years and I am not getting better after a year in treatment I am getting worse. I want to disappear. I wish I didn’t matter so much. It hurts to live. Everyday is a monumental effort. I am too tired to try anymore. I feel hopeless and worthless. I feel I am a failure. I feel ashamed. I can’t make myself do simple tasks causing my own downfall. I feel like I am just being lazy and giving up. But maybe giving in to the pressure of life is a natural thing. Maybe I shouldn’t judge myself so harshly. Or maybe I should judge myself more. I don’t know ..... I feel ashamed of my illness and of myself. I can’t imagine many people wanting me in their life.

Grandy

how have you been lately? The idea of the ground box sounds interesting. I like word games as well. It lets me zone out for a while.

Tim

I usually eat fruit and yoghurt or junk food. At the moment it’s anything I get my hands on. The guilt is so heavy.

That is an interesting distraction technique. I am not sure I have heard of it before. My parents have talked to my psych and have been on behind blue. But I suppose it’s something hard to understand if you have never been there. If they knew I felt I was worthless they would tell me to stop being silly. These are the things that I find hard. The disbelief that someone could think and feel these things.

The soundtracks I like vary. “How to train your dragon” is nice and so is “the cider house rules”.

I must sleep now, I am almost asleep

Thank you so much for listening x

lulu

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Lulu.

As with other people's reply's, I can only give you advice from my own accounts and stints with depression.

I have somewhat seasonal depression, it comes, it goes and so when it leaves it's like a really bad break up. You get over it, move on with your life in (hopefully) a positive direction, but there is always that little piece of it that sticks with you. I've learnt to live with it, and look back on it as a time of great grief that I am thankful I was able to come out and is a reminder of that. There are times where I worry about it and wonder if I'm going back into that cycle but for the most part, I hope not.

In my humble opinion, no, sadness is not forever. But there will always be a reminder of it.

That's my 2 cents, feel free to ask more questions.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[smallwolf]

Lulu,

That technique I told you about. It's real and works. At least for me. When my psych offered me a lolly with this idea, I was about to open it and throw it in my mouth. She was fast. Saw what I was doing and said, "Don't open it yet". It was funny at the time.

I listened to soundtrack for "The cider games". Found it a bit melancholy myself. Which is odd, as I generally like melancholic music.

Trying to do some work here also at the moment, but heart racing a 100 mile an hour. Be back later after psych appointment today.

Tim

Tim

[Doolhof]

Hi Lulu,

Sorry to read you are struggling so much. Finding yourself in those dark places and not knowing how to get out is certainly an issue. We do need to find the strength and the will power to keep going no matter how hard it is...says me who has been ready to give up so many times over the last few months.

My psychologist is trying to teach me to distract my mind from the depressive thoughts by using mindfulness, concentrating on counting or by doing puzzles or games like naming an animal using every letter of the alphabet.

He explained that one part of our brain concentrates on the depressed thoughts., We need to over ride that with these other thought processes, breaking the cycle and the circuit, than put in more helpful thoughts.

I'm needing to study at present and am struggling with it. My psychologist has suggested I become aware of when the anxiety and depression is building up, to acknowledge how it makes me feel and to decide I do not have to be fearful of my feelings, as that then feeds my feelings even more.

The symptoms of anxiety and depression are tiring and can be debilitating. Learning to use distraction, being aware of your thoughts and trying to stop them from building up and looking for something to be grateful for each day might help a little.

I agree with you, it is hard for some people who have not experienced mental health issues to understand. Hopefully you will gain a better understanding of it yourself so you can help yourself further.

Is it possible for you to have a weekend away with relatives perhaps just for a break?

All the best to you,

Cheers from Dools

[james1]

Hey Lulu,

Yeah, I also cannot really speak to my parents about it since, as you say, they just wouldn't understand.

It may not apply to you (and it doesn't apply to my parents, but it does my friends), but I wonder if it's important that they understand, or that they just listen and you feel listened to?

I mean, most of my friends have zero understanding of what I go through or have been through. But it's not important because when I need them, they are there to listen and not be judgmental. Do you feel like that can be helpful to you too?

As for me, I am doing well now. I don't think of my own journey as sick/recovery. I try to think of it all as one big part of me growing up and learning life skills. I had a bad run for a few years, but as I get through each day and my relationships with people change, I'm learning more about how to handle different situations. I guess that mentality helps me stay focussed on doing what is best and not getting caught up on the feeling of "oh crap, I've relapsed again".

Anyway, I am sorry to hear you have been feeling worse. I don't want to repeat much of what the others have said, but distraction is really good when we feel like crap!

James

[LuLu_]

Oh my! My heart is warmed by all your encouraging and supportive replies. Scrolling though all your messages and finding even more messages to read was the highlight of my day. To see that people thought I was worthy enough for them to spend some of their valuable time writing to me.

I suppose I will mentally record this moment as a reason for my existence.

But to receive we just give. I will reply to you all shortly when I have a moment to think without a tired mind fighting my thoughts.

Thank you again for your kindness.

I think of you all. How beneficial it is to be able to talk to people with hardly any fear

sending warm hugs to those in need

thank you for making my day a little brighter

lulu xx

[Doolhof]

Dear lulu,

May you gain great comfort in the kind words that are shared here with you. Everyone needs to feel as they are being acknowledged, accepted and their issues validated and listened to.

Maybe for those who are closest to us, they do not know how to understand how we are feeling and do not want to see us struggling, so it may be easier for some to not acknowledge there are any issues.

When I am feeling overwhelmed it is difficult to discern between reality and my depression. Take the time to learn more about how you feel, what your triggers are and how you can help yourself.

Some days are certainly a lot better than others aren't they!

Try and find little things to be thankful for each day, even if it is just the feeling of the sun on your skin for a brief moment, the song of a bird or a smile from a stranger in the street.

You are deserving of the messages that are being written here for you. So many people on this forum have supported me over my journey! Soak in all that is shared with you here.

Wishing you a day where you do feel blessed and connected.

Cheers to you from Dools