Does the sadness last forever?

[LuLu_]

Hello to those who are reading

I have been struggling with severe depression for a couple of years now. There have been many influential and significant events in the most important years of my life that have shaped who I am and I believe I will forever be changed for better or for worse.

I was wondering. Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever? Will a small piece of the extreme sadness I have felt stay within?

Please share your recovery journey or any thoughts that are on your mind. Any support and knowledge would be appreciated.

Lulu

[Doolhof]

Hey dear lulu,

I certainly understand a tired mind and not being able to find the words you want. Please don't feel there is any obligation to reply and make yourself anxious in any way while responding here on this forum.

There are days when I connect to the forum and for one reason or another I may just look at a few posts and not make any comments. It is the nature of mental health and life in general.

Some days are better than others! There are days when I am volunteering at the Op Shop and I just don't feel capable of chatting with the customers so I am happy to stay out the back sorting and chatting with the ladies there, or just listen to them talking.

I'm reading a book I borrowed from the library about "Loving Yourself". In it the author mentions how we can fool our minds into thinking we are doing better than our emotions tell us we are doing through body image and posture.

So it seems like there is a real scientific link between holding your head high and having a smile on your face, it does help to affect our emotions positively!

Hope your day is going okay. I was really tired this afternoon and had a few aches and pains so had a snooze. Feel a lot better now!

Cheers to you from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools

i feel horrible but I don’t know how to reply. It’s easier if I just say how I feel.

Not feeling so great at the moment, quite sad and empty. These are the moments when I don’t feel worth and when there doesn’t seem to be a point. These are the times I begin to hate myself and I don’t know why. I just know that I believe it to be true

I feel the sinking feeling. I think I am going underwater again. Feeling lonely and inadequate. I feel lost and small. I sort of want to be forgotten. I want to sleep for a while so I don’t have to be conscious of my feelings. I just don’t feel good enough. Or human enough. I don’t know. Even though I’ve been okay lately I think I’ve had enough. But I don’t know what I’ve had enough of. Maybe i will be dramatic and say life. Perhaps it’s just the general being. The fact I have to be. I have to be and do something. It’s not hard to just live and do stuff but right now I feel it’s too much. I’d rather just not have to be anything. Sorry I keep going on. I didn’t know I felt all this at this time

Hoping for a deep unconscious sleep

lulu

[Doolhof]

Hi lulu,

You have expressed yourself extremely well, I totally relate to all you have written as I too feel exactly the same at times.

When I feel like that I try and do something that I usually enjoy, even if I have to push myself a little to do it.

Sometimes I do go to bed, tell myself I am going to have a snooze for an hour, then I get up and do something productive so I don't stay in a slump. Having a shower is a good start, putting on fresh clothes or going out for a walk.

I might grab a book to read to my mind is distracted. Or I will write down how I am feeling and then write down ways I can stop feeling that way, things I could do to help myself.

There are some days when all you can do is ride the waves of how you are feeling and float for a while.

It is great you have felt comfortable enough o express yourself here Lulu. I hope it helps you to better understand yourself and also to consider ways you can do life differently.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you can distract yourself with? I will do a little colouring in sometimes, but find that Sudoku Puzzles work better as I can't concentrate on the numbers and the negative thoughts at the same time.

Hey Lulu, it is your depression telling you that you are not good enough! It is your thoughts. Try to find a way to over ride them and tell yourself that you are very worthy and certainly more than enough!

Some days will suck, the thing is to keep trying no matter how yuck you feel, or at least acknowledge how tough it is and believe it can get better.

Let out how you feel Lulu, it helps with the healing process! Hope you manage to get some restoring sleep as well.

Cheers to you from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools

Thank you so much for your continued support. It means so much.

i am not doing so great. Feeling quite anxious, lonely and down.

I ride horses as a way to escape but when I feel exhausted I don’t have the energy to do that.

I don’t have much energy to think so I am not sure what to say.

I hope you are doing okay. Hope to hear from you soon

lulu

[Doolhof]

Hi to you Lulu, and to anyone else who may be reading this,

( I'd just like to say, if anyone would like to join this conversation, please do so. All threads are open for people to contribute. It may seem at times that conversations are closed, that is not the case. The more the merrier!)

Hey Lulu, those tough days are a bit rough aren't they! The good thing is, there are only 24 hours in one day, that means another day is always going to happen and we can try to make the next day better!

Today I volunteered in the Op Shop. I didn't feel like going, but once I was there I managed to get on with things, chatted with the ladies and to some of the customers.

In the end I had an enjoyable day. Some bits were a little tough emotionally, but the rest went well.

Do you have horses of your own or where are the horses that you ride? I volunteered for Riding for the Disabled for a while. I don't know a lot about horses, so it was interesting learning more about them.

Is it hot where you are Lulu? This heat is sapping my energy!

Do you have family or friends you can contact when you are feeling lonely? Sometimes if that is not possible I will read or watch T.V. or listen to music.

It is nearly the weekend! Hopefully it will be a little cooler!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Lulu,

Just dropping in to say "HI". Hope your weekend is going okay.

Thankfully we are having a little respite from the heat in our region, it is not in the 40 degrees today!

I was trying to watch the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics last night and kept falling asleep! I was going to watch some of the highlights tonight, but my husband said the cricket is on! Huh!

Hope you have something planned for the weekend!

Cheers from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools

I have a horse and a pony. I ride almost everyday. Riding for the disabled must have been a rewarding experience.

very hot unfortunately we desperately need rain.

I don’t feel I can talk to my friends about when I am feeling down. I don’t want to dampen the mood. Also I feel uncomfortable because I am not use to opening up. Also I feel very distant from my friends at the moment. It’s not the easiest situation right now. It triggers me a lot when I think about them.

how are you doing? Have you ever had a relapse before?

thank you for answering and supporting me

lulu

[Doolhof]

Hi Lulu,

It must be lovely to have a horse you can ride any time you like! I did enjoy helping the Riding for the Disabled, problem was I dislike the heat with a passion and they continued their sessions unless it was over 34 degrees! I felt like I was cooking walking the horses around out in the heat!

Sorry to read you are having a tough time with your friends. Do you have a relative you can chat with? For a few years one of my nieces came to me to chat about stuff she wasn't dealing with. Over the years I have had some older friends who have meant the world to me, a couple of ladies have been older than my own Mum.

Friends don't always have to be roughly the same age as us.

Have I ever had a relapse? My goodness YES! Quite often. One issue I have is not tolerating medication very well, of any kind, I seem to have adverse effects. Something works for a while, then my body rejects it. Right now I am not on medication s my Dr does not know what to try next.

Relapses for me are part of the journey. Have you ever driven along a dirt road or been driven along one? When the road is dry it usually okay to drive on, there may be corrugations in the road, that give you a bit of a rough ride and shake you around a bit.

If the grader has just been through, the edges of the road can be very soft and you don't want to drift over that way too far or you could go off the road altogether.

You may also think that as the grader has been through, the road will be smooth, only to go around a corner and find a huge boulder in the middle of the road.

Then if it rains, the road can become slippery, boggy and the car could slide out if it is really thick mud.

My journey with mental health is a little like that dirt road. There can be so many obstacles, the thing is to keep going. If you hit a few pot holes, you may be jarred for a while, but you can keep going. Same with if you run off the road completely. You may be able to get back on track yourself or you may need a little help.

Keeping on going is the best option. It can be hard, it is worth it though.

Another long post from me! Ha. Ha. Cheers from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello LuLu, Dools,,

I hope it okay for me to pop in here and say hello.

i enjoyed your story of the car, grader, slippery road, pot holes in explaining about slipping up or having a relapse in our MH. I think your description is right on target with a lot of people here on the forums.

It would have been so hard to walk the ponies around in the heat, I think being able to ride a horse would be so nice, I did ride when I was younger, but the thought of getting on a horse now, kinds of frightens me.

I am a winter person, give me a Doona, a bed, Tv and I'm set for the day/night.. My body doesn't tolerate the heat very well.

Hi Lulu...., I agree with Dools, we can only just keep trying, baby steps at a time. We will fall but we will do our best to get back up and continue trying.. I relapse quite easily and quickly at times, and it's a hard road to get back up but it is so worth it for the peace you find when we get there.

Kindness only.

Grandy.

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools and Grandy

Thank you for coming onto my thread. It’s nice to know there are people listening. Or reading I should say. It makes me feel a little less alone.

Dools, thank you for your nice metaphor. I agree. I think we are all on our dirt road, still facing each day and new experience whether good or bad.

Does having a relapse mean you sort of get worse so you are back where you started? Or could it mean you take a few steps back in recovery? Or does it have to be something that occurs for a long time rather than a short time?

Is it strange I can’t be bothered sleeping?

I am in a weird spot at the moment. Perhaps my motivation is fading once more

Thank you so much for your replies

It means so much to me

lulu xx

ps I think my horse and pony have been the things keeping me from falling into the darkness completely. They never give up on me and are always there. It’s cforting knowing they need me as much as I need them