Depression and my relationship...

[TPR_Cuddles]

Hi everyone,

A little bit about myself, I'm a 20 year old male and serve in the Australian Army and have been for 2 years, I have a beautiful loving partner of about a year living on the opposite end of the country to me and my family lives in another state aswell.

What brings me to this forum and to all you wonderful and worthwhile folk, is my own experiences and current dealings with depression.

My depression although I am not diagnosed, is very episodic. Until recently, I had good months and I had bad ones, mostly on the ratio of 4-6 months good to 1 month bad. I met my girlfriend when on an advance party for training exercise in 2016. Ever since then until recently, I had been feeling absolutely wonderful, everything felt like it just fell perfectly into place when I met her, my depression and anxiety turned off like a light switch and I had found my salvation, or atleast so I had thought.

In my line of work you work roughly 300/365 days a year, and the bulk of that time off is over the christmas and new years period. I spent my most recent time off (estimated a month and 5 days) . with my girlfriend and 2 weeks of that time was spent back in NSW girlfriend in arm with my family. I had a wonderful bit of time off but I gained more weight than I have ever in my life over that time. My fitness went downhill hugely and it really effected me emotionally for the last 2 weeks of my time off. This weight gain was the tipping point that hit that light switch of depression and anxiety back on.

Upon return to work about 3 weeks ago, a pre existing injury flared up 10 fold worse than it ever has before, to the point where I have been issued restrictions and am unable to conduct the ordinary day to day physical training.

Im running out of characters for this thread so ill make this short. A mixture of my injury and a poor self image have pushed me to all time lows. I started drinking, sometimes while in tears in bed. And its beginning to affect my relationship, im less talkative, more moody and i feel like my girlfriend has had enough... please, if anyone can help me, dont let me screw this one up... ive had some bad experiences with girls in the past, and im certain she is the one.

To anyone that can help or has any advice, you have my thanks! Its been about 8 years of depression, and until now ive never feared it so badly..

Thanks,

TPR Cuddles.

[Zeal]

Hey TPR Cuddles,

Welcome to the forum!

Your story moved me, and thank you for explaining your situation clearly. That really helps when answering.
My best friend's partner is in the Army, and he is intensely passionate about it. He is actually looking forward to being deployed! This job certainly does not suit everyone, for emotional and lifestyle reasons. However, it's great that some people are well suited to army life. Do you feel as though your position in the Army is rewarding and sustainable as a long-term job role?

It's fantastic that you've met the love of your life, and that you have been incredibly happy when you're together. The two weeks in NSW spent with both your girlfriend and family sounded really nice. Is the weight gain something you've struggled with since before joining the Army? My best friend's partner is prone to weight gain, so he does exercise even when he's on break. He doesn't do a perfect regime, but he will go to the gym with a friend or his brother when he's off work and visiting family.

I am aware that the Australian Army employs psychologists. Talking to a psych could be of great benefit. This is probably free for officers/soldiers, or at least reduced in cost. This injury is really unfortunate - that would be adding to the negative emotions associated with the depression and anxiety. Is there someone employed in the army (a friend or colleague) who you could briefly explain your situation to? It would probably feel isolating having to keep how you're feeling completely to yourself. This page has tips on talking about depression and anxiety with others: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it#findwords

You and your girlfriend are in love and sound as though you are well suited as partners. It will help a lot if you tell her regularly how much she means to you, and communicate with her about your mental health. If you start talking to a mental health professional and taking steps to support yourself, this will also be reassuring for your girlfriend, as well as being essential for your own wellbeing of course.

If you'd like to talk further, please don't hesitate to post back 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[TPR_Cuddles]

Hi Zeal,

Thankyou for your response! Its actually quite relieving to hear from someone who knows a thing or two about the Army Lifestyle! All the time when I speak to people I feel like they just dont quite understand what its really like to have that constant pressure and stress. Especially in my job role its quite a stressful one!

I do see my job role as a potential life long career, however there is a lot of terms thrown around describing the people I work with one of which is "jaded", and as everyone knows attitudes are certainly contageous. So, typically these co workers bring the general mood and work ethic within the workplace right down. But to answer your question, yes I definitely can see my job becoming a potential life long career!

The trip to NSW with my family and girlfriend was fantastic, I loved every minute of it! But no, weight gain has never really been an issue for me, i've always been rather slim and tall. Though recently (since joining the ADF) ive been trying to gain muscle a lot but to no real success.

I have requested since posting this thread, to see a psychologist to just have a general discussion and talk about how im feeling. It all got a bit to much on thursday morning as I slept in, and when you sleep in in the Army, unfortunately, you get disciplined quite harshly but it inspires the thought to never be late again. So I spoke to someone on thursday afternoon and asked if I could speak to a psych or just anyone willing to listen really!

Often the hardest part for me is just finidng the right words to say, because I definitely do not want to put across that it is her fault or anything crazy like that! She has asked me a few times about whether I had spoken to someone about how ive been recently, but unfortunately things take a lot of time in the army so im still waiting on a response from work in regards to it.

Finally, thankyou for the link, I will definitely look into it! As I said before, finding the right words in my mind is the hardest part!

Thankyou so much for your response Zeal, it really is fantastic to have someone reply, i was worried that no one would!

With Thanks,

TPR Cuddles

[TPR_Cuddles]

Bit of an update on how im doing.

I discovered that my pre existing injury that returned when about a month ago has severely worsened to Stress Fractures in both shins. Which means about 4-6 weeks of rehabilitation... which for a person in my line of work is quite shattering since I am seen as unfit to participate in a lot of the day to day things that my co workers conduct...

I have begun rehabilitation although it is dificult to accept the way I will be for the next little while...

Thanks,

TPR Cuddles

[Zeal]

Hey TPR Cuddles,

I'm so sorry for my really delayed response! I read your post soon after you sent it, and planned to come back to it to answer, but I somewhat forgot! This occasionally happens, usually if I click on a thread to read and it later doesn't appear as having a 'new' response on my homepage.

I'm glad that your trip to NSW was so enjoyable. Holidays can be amazing like that! I went to Japan with my boyfriend and two of our friends in January. It was a fantastic experience, though very chilly! I lived in a warm puffer jacket, scarf, lined boots and beanie!

I'm really sorry to hear about your injury situation. How is the rehab going? Have you heard anything about seeing an army psychologist?

Best wishes,

Zeal

[TPR_Cuddles]

Hi Zeal,

Thats okay no need to worry! I have been quite busy with work lately, since being injured ive been given a temporary desk job which unfortunately entails a lot of extra work on my part... but its going well!

Yes I did get to see a psychologist last monday however I am yet to make a second visit, which I plan to soon because after the first one, just talking to someone made me feel somewhat enlightened and less stressed.

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to my thread, I really appreciate the friendly mind to listen!

The rehad for my legs is going well, unfortunately the injury is a lot more in depth than previously thought, however I am persevering and learning everything I can about treatment and musculoskeletal injuries whilst in my rehabilitation process!

Again thankyou for your response i very much appreciate the time you take to reply to me!

Thanks,

TPR Cuddles