Depression affecting my sporting performance - how to tell my coach what is really going on?

[PJ_Otto]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post so I'm not too sure what to expect but hopefully someone will be able to help me out.

My younger brother passed away earlier this year from cancer and my mum died 3 years ago from cancer also. Prior to their diagnosis I was suffering depression and anxiety however now because of the grief and trauma of losing 2 family members it has become so severe it is affecting my everyday life and I can not hide it from others like I used to. I play a semi-elite team sport (which has saved me as it has always been my release and safe space) but now I find I can't train or play as hard and I am experiencing much higher levels of anxiety than I can cope with. I have never talked about my mental health with my team or coach in past (as it has never really affected this aspect of my life) however I know they know about my family and are a bit more lenient with with me missing training etc. but I have recently missed a few games and now have to have a meeting with the coach next session.

I am unsure how to explain to them what I am going through with telling them my life story and the ins and outs of my health? I am a very private person and have only ever really spoken to my psychologist about my family and I don't want them to think I am incapable of playing at that level. I don't really like attention on me and I don't want it to be spread around the club so I would like a positive way of phrasing it all? To be honest I'm not really sure what I should say so any advice would be much appreciated!

Thanks in advance

[Hope_for_the_best]

Since your team and coach know about your family, the conversation becomes easier. In situation like this, your coach/team are more likely concerned about your well-being more than your performance. If I were you, I would say,"I am really sorry about missing so many games recently. As you are aware, something is going on in my family. I find it difficult to cope after losing two family members and I am sorting things out with professionals."

I think something as concise as that would explain your situation well enough, without going into too many details. Your coach may follow up by asking when you will be okay to train again. Then just let him/her know that you are trying your best to resume training asap. It is also worth discussing with him/her a different schedule of training, like reducing the hours per session.

Hope that helps 🙂