Depressed or just being dramatic??

[_Truffles_]

Hi, I'm 16 

for about the past 18 months i have been really down, and I think it is getting worse. You see, I am always comparing my self to my older sister who is really academic and hard working and always has a one up on me. I just feel like I am never going to be good enough, especially because she had this teacher last year who loved her, and she got a super good study score and now I have that same teacher for the same subject this year. I hate going to work because my sister works there and she is a great worker and I feel that there is an expectation that I have to be the same, and then we get comments on how cute and how similar we are and I just hate it. Lately I have been feeling distant from my friends, particularly because two of them (they ones whom I hang out with the most) have boyfriends and I don't... Which I don't care about, but I am always the odd one. My other friend, who I have been friends with since kinder sort of ditched me last year for this other girl, who turned out to be a b**ch, so then she came back to me and we sort of rekindled the relationship. Then, again this year she has just left me all together and hangs out with different people and the worst part is her mum and my mum are best friends and I feel like her mum is some how still trying to force us to be friends. I also play basketball and I am really bad but our team isn't really competitive, but I always get the sympathy vote and it makes me feel worthless, like I am a child. I have had quite bad acne and mum took me too the doctors last year because I was a bit self-conscious and I got some medication to clear my skin up, I am off it now but my skin has flared up again, mum wants to take me back to the doctors but I just don't care anymore. I have been feeling really hopeless, sad, frustrated and stressed (especially about school and after school) lately. 

Some days are good and I am happy for a bit, and then someone will say something or do something and it will put me into a 'bad' mood.

Im too scared to tell anyone how I am feeling because I don't want to tell mum and dad because I don't want to disappoint them and I feel like my problems are pointless and irrelevant, especially because there are other people that have much bigger problems than mine and I don't want it to look attention seeking.

am I depressed or just being dramatic? 

Sorry for lots of writing

[geoff]

dear Truffles, thanks for being so brave to come to the site and posting your comment.

It's never easy to play second fiddle to someone else.

This friend you have known for a long time is only using you as a back stop, because she connects with people who she feels 'are the group', and then comes back to you, only leaving you once again to join another group, she is no friend, just a user, so I would ignore her and then forget about her.

I think that you are disappointed with life at the moment, and feel alone, but I don't think that you are depressed, not that I'm qualified to diagnose you, however there is a chance that if this is how you feel then depression could set in, and please we hope this never happens to you.

Other people may disagree with me and that's a fair comment.

It's quite natural for someone to feel dominated by an older sibling, especially when you feel as though you can't match what she has done, but you have to remember that as each year goes another comes with different values and different prospects, so in other words what your sister did back then, could be totally different to what you are now having to face, so really any comparison should not be taken into account.

So to give you an example is that when my older brother had to do something at school and did well, you can't be compared to the year I was doing the same thing, because teachers change, topics change, environments are different, maybe class sizes change and the list goes on, so if I was told that my brother did so well then why can't I, but you can't mix oranges with apples.

If this really worries you then it's something of great concern, so if you want talk to your mum or have a talk with your doctor, but it's always good to talk about what is worrying you. Geoff. x

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi _Truffles_'s

Welcome to BeyondBlue and thanks for reaching out.

It sounds like there is so much going on for you right now so I'm really glad that you posted.  Have you talked to anyone else about it?  

Your problems are not pointless and irrelevant. They matter.  It's really common to feel the way that you're feeling, especially with feeling a bit 'in comparison' to your sister.  I don't have a sibling myself but I know lots of people experience it and it can be really tricky to find your way.

Please know that a lot of what is happening will be temporary.  As you get older you'll probably find that you'll start to do different things to your sister - so maybe you will want to study and she will want to work, or vice versa - and then maybe you'll get different friends.  So even though so much of what you guys have might be similar now, you are too totally different people.  

You're also enough - just the way you are.  Your sister might have gotten a better study score, but that might have mean that she studied a bit more, or worked a bit harder, or found things a bit easier.  It doesn't mean that you are not enough.  You were born enough.  I think that that's often the hardest thing to believe because we're all striving to be 'enough', but you are already enough.

I hope this helps a little - remember that you can always reach out. Maybe there's a school counsellor that you can talk to or if you go and see your GP they might be able to refer you on.

Take care,

[Alyssashby]

Hey Truffles,

I have a sister like that. She seems to excel in everything, her life just seems all figured out, while mine is a mess. The worst part is she is too much of a good person as well so I don't know how to deal with my feelings - I don't know jealousy maybe? Anyway, I'm no expert, so I can't say if you're depressed, but I don't think you're being dramatic. Sometimes life is difficult, and there will always be those who seem to triumph over us. I'm just waiting for the day when someone realises that I exist as more as a shadow of my sister.

I really hope this day comes for you.