Broken

[I_need_help]

I'm sick of being broken.

I'm sick of not finding joy in life anymore and feeling that everything is broken and I just have nothing left and I don't know why I deserve this. Everything. Why does my dad have to be a depressed alcoholic, why did my grandma have to die and why do I have to deal with so many things and not being able to fix any of them.

and I'm sick of seeking help and people telling me to go to 'headspace' or 'see someone' because that won't help me and it won't help my dead grandmother and it won't help my dad and it won't help anything and it won't help my life and my dramatic weightless and lack of concentration and loss of everything I used to love and being knocked done continuously and I'm just so tired and broken and this won't get better and I'm just so broken.

im 14.


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[white knight]

Hi ! need help.  A very warm welcome here to Beyond Blue.

Here you are speaking to people that have experienced so many issues in their life and we speak from this experience not necessarily qualifications. 

What you have described is what life is sadly all about. The negative side of life that is. Sometimes the passing of family or friends comes quickly and often in succession. We cant predict these things. Ask any parent that has lost a child from a car accident. Nothing can prepare them for that knock on the door from police officers.

You might think you are a one off?  But us older ones that have been around a while know that life has its downs and on many occasions we feel that the downs far outweigh the ups. So the question is- what can we possibly do about this unbalance of life's weighing scale?

Let's talk about the positives of life and why we dont feel those positives are more apparent in our lives. Positives are actually infinite....never ending IF you focus on them and they usually pass us by every day.  The blooming of a flower in the garden, the hug or call from a friend, that you can breathe deep, that you can walk, run, have fun, write a poem (I'm a poet), getting in touch with your inner self. I have a favourite guide called Prem Rawat. he is on youtube and his clip "sunset" is my favourite. Also "perfect instrument" is a great one. Google them and listen for just a few minutes. It all comes down to perspective and value. How we value people and things on this earth.

But grief, that's so impacting on our lives that we can see the forest for the trees. We have to get that balance back and the only way is- allow yourself to grieve for your lost loved ones. Honour them in your heart. Then value life and what it is all about. Believe it or not 'I need help' all these bad life experiences will make you stronger. So strong in fact that.....one day you might be answering a letter from a 14 year old that has lost a relative and needs help.

If you feel that advice and opinion isnt enough then visit your GP and discuss it with him/her.

Cyber hug.

[My_boy]

Hi . Your post really moved me a lot. I can sense the pain you are feeling. I hope you keep coming back to this site because there are many helpful people here. 

I'm the dad of a boy who is 16 and he has depression and similar feelings like you. He can't cope with school and is home now. I just found out a few months back he has depression so we are trying to work it out. It's hard - some days are good but some days are bad but anyway we just keep going and trying coz anything is better than giving up. 

As I'm writing this I have a lot of tears because I'm not only thinking about my boy but also the terrible pain you are going thru. All I can say is my boy went to headspace and it was good and helpful and got us on the right track. It's not an instant cure, it will take time but it's a start. The ppl are really good there n my son also thought it was good.

I'm sorry I can't write anymore now but I hope you return to this site and I hope u have some better days ahead.

[AGrace]

Hi I need help,

I do have some advice for you, but to show you I know how serious you are let me just say I did some research;) Guess what? I'm with you, some of the services that we have available for teens are not much better than what I had when I was 15 and going through hell.

Honestly, they all suggest talking to your parents. I found one site that had a special section for what to do if your parents are in no way able to support you, so I was expecting this incredible suggestion. Wait for it..."Talk to another adult". I'm not sure about you, but I don't know many teens that just have a few spare adults lying around.

So the second best suggestion was to go to a GP. Alright, been there done that, it's not an option, just yet. (I mean if I had a car, and an endless supply of money, and my very own Dr at 14 - I probably wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, right?)

I did find one suggestion that took me a few moments to process. The first thing that came to mind was HOW? the 2nd thing was WHY? and the 3rd thing was do people really do that, and does it work? You haven't heard the suggestion yet, so I hope you're not laughing already.

"Buy a Pet" !!!

(Ok, I'm not going to send you to the RSPCA to rescue a puppy, so I think we can safely take that one off the table.)

So where to next? Alright, so I have to think back a few years to when I was 15, but trust me the memories are still pretty vivid, it's not that easy to forget some of the worst years of your life. I had to start small.

What do I mean by starting small? I had to do things that I COULD physically do, that were practical, that would help in some small way, and that I could do on my own if necessary (b'cos there weren't too many others that knew what I was going through). The thing about small things is, if you stack them all up they make something pretty big.

I won't have enough characters left in this post to write down all the little things I did that helped, so I'll continue in a new post. While I do that I want you to start thinking about the life you want. Be as crazy or as realistic as you want to be, write it down, post it here...I'd love to hear about it:) Think about who you want to be, what you want to be doing next year, in 5 years, and if you can imagine being old - what you want to be doing in 10 years, the types of friends you want, the types of relationships you want. Think about what's important to you.

More soon, AGrace xx

[I_need_help]

Thankyou, it really means a lot. Thankyou for the advice and I'll take that on and consider a lot of it... And I will take a look at those videos

[I_need_help]

Hi, I'm really sorry that you have a son that's going through what I'm going through at the moment because honestly I wouldn't wish what I'm feeling on anyone.. I'm considering headspace I just don't know how to get to the place without my parents knowing.. Thankyou so much and I hope everything's been okay!

[I_need_help]

Thankyou so much for the advice and research AGrace! I'm trying, I really am  but I just find it really difficult thinking about y future because it makes me really sad and stresses me out a lot.. I will try it more but thankyou so much xx

[My_boy]

Hi I need help. Thanks for your kind reply - I really appreciate it. Although I just joined this beyond blue site I can see here there are so many people willing to reach out and help others - like AGrace and so many others - it's really an incredible place.  I hope you can find some really good advice n support here. 

I'm new to all this too and yeah I can understand your dilemma about headspace. All I can suggest is maybe you can call a center that is closest to you and ask to speak with a youth counsellor first. Explain to them your situation coz of your age n that u want to talk privately n see what options they can offer you. Maybe other ppl here have other suggestions too. I think you can call ppl on beyondblue too on the telephone number on top of screen. They are professionals n can offer you advice.

regardless of that you are not alone. There's others about the same age as you facing similar stuff. I can't even imagine how tough it is for you to try n do this alone. The fact that you came n found beyondblue n took action to join shows a lot of courage. I admire that. That takes a lot of guts. 

I don't want to make this reply about my sons situation, but I just wanna share with you that he's doing year 11 HSC n couldn't attend any of his exams this week as he felt so bad. Today he was feeling much better - it seems when he's distracted by stuff like sport, music or whatever it helps to take a bit of pressure off. It doesn't solve the problem but it tends to make the feeling easier to handle. Does distraction work for you? 

Anyway whether you want to talk with one of the counsellors at beyondblue or chat away here I'm sure there's plenty of support for you. 

Take care n regards

[I_need_help]

Hello! That's more than okay! Thankyou for understanding me and I will definitely take those options into consideration. I'm really glad I have people supporting me! That would be really upsetting for your son but I do know that distractions work for me, I've lost interest in almost everything but I still try to distract myself anyway!

[My_boy]

No problem at all. I'm interested to know how you deal with school - it seems you're still going to school,. Maybe I can take some tips from you on how you deal with school that could help my son. 

Thanks!