Broken hearted, alone and not sure what to do next

[Brownie12]

Hi everyone,

 I am a newbie to the beyond blue forums. I came here tonight looking for advice. About three months ago my partner of 2 and a half years left me out of the blue. Ever since then I have been struggling with the grief of him leaving. We were best friends, and I feel as if I have lost apart of my identity. Even though I am only 20 I felt committed to moving in with him. We were together through some crucial years of development.

The separation has not been very clean. We are in the same social group so I see him at many friends events. He has always been very friendly with girls, so it is hard to be out around him. His reasons of breaking it off was because he wanted to live a life, and form his own identity. He was always afraid of commitment. I understand his reasons for leaving but I am having trouble accepting them. Especially when he speaks to me innapropriately as friends.

I miss him all the time. We were still chatting quite frequently until recently when I felt it was damaging so I cut it off. I think about him all the time and most days I am in tears.

 It has not helped that I have recently suffered a back injury which has left me bed ridden, giving me lots of time to think.

 Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am just unsure what to do anymore. Life seems meaningless and empty. I wake up and get through a day, celebrating that I made it at night time. I have suffered anxiety for a long time but think I may be depressed. I see a psychologist too. 

 Sending love and hugs xo

[Tay_Blue]

Hi there! I am new as well but I just want you to know I am in full support of you! I care about how you are feeling and I hope that in the future you are happier.

To me it sounds like, even though you really liked this guy, there is a reason you aren't together anymore because it seems you need someone who can fully commit to you and never even have doubts about leaving you, and there is someone out there for you who you will meet in the future that will make you beyond happy! 

You are allowed to be sad because these emotions can't be pushed away, however I would suggest just focusing on YOU and YOUR happiness from now on because your relationships will work themselves out! 

 Have a lovely week, you sound like a beautiful person!

[SeanM92]

Hey there Brownie

Welcome the forum
Sorry to hear about your separation, i can see its been really hard for you.

Ive been in a similiar situation before and really the best advice i can give is that basically all relationships have ups and downs, some work and some dont but in the end we grow on as people and we find others. In agreeance with what Tay.blue has said, your alowed to be sad. You feel what you need to feel and dont let anyone stop you. People do actually grieve broken relationships.

You have loved once and been loved, it means it can happen again.

Please take care, stay strong and keep looking forward, these ups and downs are going to make you a stronger person.

[Lori]

Hi Brownie12, 

Welcome to the Beyondblue forums! Well done to you for taking the first step and reaching out!

I am so sorry to hear about the separation of your relationship, it is extremely hard to let go of something that has lasted so long. I can only imagine how upset you are and it's horrible. It's very hard and takes time to get over a ex. As hard as it is try your best to not to think about him and the memories that you's created wake up in the morning and be excited for what's to come, what you are going to do who your going to meet etc. 

Maybe try and find a hobby ? It could be something simple like walking, reading or anything that interests you try and distract yourself as much as possible. Do things that takes your mind off of thinking about him and what has happened. 

Challenge your thoughts, Push yourself to get up and go out to try new things meet new people go out with some friends. Try and keep yourself as busy as possible so your not stuck at home thinking about this hard time, because what has happened you don't deserve it and its unfair you don't deserve this pain. 

It's definitely going to take time to recover from it, but you are going to get there! And later down the track you are going to find someone 1000 times better who actually deserves your time, you's just haven't crossed paths yet.. but you will. 

It's so great to hear that you are talking to a Psychologist about this, i hope that it's helping.

Stay strong and keep pushing forward you are going to get through this and you will come out stronger than ever no doubt about it, i have all faith in you. 

Keep in touch, we all care!

- Lori 🙂

[Brownie12]

Thank you so much for all your replies and support. It is very much appreciated.

 I was having a few good days but I definitely think I am suffering from depression as today I just felt so down for no apparent reason. I even when yo brunch with a friend which was so fun! But when I got home I just felt so low.

I saw my psychologist on Tuesday and have booked an appointment with my GP for Friday just so I can have a chat with her as well.

 I have been trying to keep as busy as possible but unfortunately I suffered a back injury 6 weeks ago where I have two bulging discs. I am very limited in movement and what I can do so I have been stuck at home quite a bit. I think this has been one of the causes of my depression.

My sleep has been quite disturbed lately so I've been doing a guided meditation before sleeping. This has worked really well! 

Thank you again. It is so nice to come to the forums just for a chat. A lot of my friends have been through, or are going through, similar experiences and sometimes I think they want me to fit their mould of what to do and how to feel. They only want the best for me but I am still grieving the loss of my relationship and best friend. It's nice to come here to just be completely honest and tell what I'm feeling.

 I hope tomorrow will be a bit better than today and I may not feel so low. I have lots of study to do for exams so I'm finding it hard to get motivated for that!

 sending love and hugs xo 

[Lori]

You are more than welcome! We are all here to help as much as we can and most importantly to listen 🙂

I'm glad to hear you went out with your friends today and that you had a good time, not so good about when you got home though 😞 maybe try and organize more catch up with friends, and gradually it will get better.

I am sorry to hear about your injury, something quite major like that can make you feel really down i could only imagine how hard and stressful it is to live with that and with whats going on now, but hopefully with the right treatment for your back you will be able to go back to doing more enjoyable things.

It's great to hear you spoke to your Psychologist! Also that you are seeing your GP on Friday, you are doing all the right things to succeed in getting better you will get there in no time keep up the good work, and goodluck we are all proud! 

- Lori 🙂