Hi Jeanstar,
Welcome to BeyondBlue and thanks for reaching out to us.
First I just want to apologise that nobody has replied to your post yet and that you've had to wait so long for a response.
I'm so sorry to hear that your boyfriend lost his father to cancer. That's such a difficult situation for everyone and it's really wonderful that you want to be there for him.
One of the biggest things to remember is that people grieve in different ways. Even though there are stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), no two people will grieve the same. There maybe some days where you see that he withdraws, where as others he might get frustrated easily. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Please be patient and understanding as best as you can while he goes through the motions (so to speak). Often just being patient and present is more helpful than you might realise.
I'm glad that he is going to see a psychologist and hope this will help.
One thing that might help is having a chat with him; ask him what you can do to help or what he needs. Some people might find that having space to process things help (time alone), where as other people find that it helps to be distracted - even something simple like going outside for a walk. Some people find that it helps to talk about his Dad and let the memory of him be cherished, where as others may find that it's more helpful to be distracted by chatting about other things. I know that this is broad (and maybe not helpful) - but he is the only person who can tell you what he needs. Saying something like "Tell me what I can do for you" can be so powerful.
This is a BeyondBlue link on how to help people dealing with grief: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/grief-and-loss
Oh, and know that it's okay not to know what to say. You could say "I don't know what to say, but I want you to know I care and I want to help." Just being acknowledged and heard is often enough.
I hope this helps a little.
Take care,
