board, lonely, not really that motivated.

[Bec_Luke]

I know its probably more than once that iv posted on here and it takes me a bit to build up the courage to continue posting my thoughts and what goes on but i do get affraid of being too needey 😕 So today I wake up and im back to reality, that feeling of the same feeling that I had the day before and the daybefore and everyotherday. Wake up nothing to look forward to no one to meet up with or talk to board lonely tired after awhile. Everyday same rutine of being at home all day long with nothing and no one. becoming very lonely board tiredish and not really motivate. But motivated enough to get up and feed myself and do the things and go to places that I need to do and be.

I feel like im in this dark visious spiral that I cant get out of. When will it end when can I see the light again.

Trying to find a job but I know that can take time, and theres nothing around. I dont know what to do with my self theses days little lone I feel like iv lost the person who I used to be and not sure who I am or whom I am becoming. I just dont know what to do. But I know that there are others in the same boaypt that I would like to share my stories with and support but I also dont want to be a pain with all my issues and problems I may face.....

Bec x

[geoff]

dear Bec, I replied to your other post, but this post is a little different in what you are saying, well not really, but it puts it on another level.

Firstly we would love to hear what you want to say, because the more you can tell us the more help we can provide.

I still wonder whether you have low self esteem, but I think that it maybe much deeper than that which is troubling yourself.

It's obvious that you are lonely and being so young, which isn't a nice feeling at all, but I wonder whether you also suffer from some type of social anxiety, and when I say this it means that this is included in with depression.

So please get back to us there are so many wonderful people who would love to talk to you. L Geoff. x

[Bec_Luke]

Hey geoff,

 thanks sooo much again for listen and reading my posts.

As a child growing up ummm I went through a lot been through at lot of huge things in my life in such a short time at such a young age. Since I was about 10 when I moved from my house in melbourne to the contry with lose ralertives who living style was compleatly different and was hard growing up, I did surrer from anxioty and prob will for the rest of my life but also had a battle with anorexia and bulimia and mayb some depression but didnt know it wasnt bad. Was at time screaming matches and force feeding nights and, was put down alot. Iv always had trouble at school with people because of having no relation or anything to talk about or relate to but, things got better and in 2009 at yr 9 I become a boarder at grammar school and on the social side of things and being alot more matuar for mu age than I am than what others were and being inderpendent and had my own things plus training to worry about I nevery really was the gossip girl sort of bitching and geting up to no good type person I had no interest plus I was on a fine line because at grammar because when I first started it was hard for me and the big change never really liked change so I had been sent home a numerous amount of times because of 1 I got a uriontrack infection againg axioty was eating/driking proply and had self harmed once pluse stole phoneccredit at the time. I was lucky enough to stay but was on my last straw kind of thing. When I told my parents about this, my dad had said that I choose what I do and think about what parth I want to take and that, I seem to always push the things away when something really good happens because its like when something gooid happens that something bad will go wrong. And that I have what ever it is to sort out and its all in my head. Also said bec im not a doctor or anything but I can tell you know that medication doesnt really work, its all got to do with the mind etc, then he said we spoke about this with your psychologists when you were 12 and 15 and that this is not a suprise to us and that what ever it is I have to work it out. So that was the response I got from the parents who hard taken me in and brought me up. 

now with my depression as it only hit me hard last year, and talking about social anxioty I hadent really thought of it how ever I would like to look into it a bit more as well,  but thats a scary thought to. I do feel like a different person but I do feel lost and not knowing who I am.

Once againg thank you sooo much for replying and reading my post, I do apologise for the huge essays but its what my life is like at the moment long and complex.

Bec x.