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[Jade12]

It's been a while since my last post. I am feeling really bad right now, and struggling so much. I feel unloved, worthless, and useless. I am constantly alone and dont have the opportunity to get out, because I dont yet have a licence. My boyfriend and only friend hardly ever wants to see me since he is so busy with uni. I too often sit alone in my room and turn all the lights off and cry. I am facing suicidal thoughts, and having previously self harmed I am struggling to keep my head above water. I feel like the world would be better of without me because so many people in my life complain about everything I do, its as if effort does not matter its only if you do or dont succeed. I thought the world was a better place and I wish I could meet someone who could care for my existence because I feel like there is nothing in this road ahead, only pain and suffering. Each day is just the process of enduring more and more pain, eating away at you nerves, eating away at who you think you are, who you are and who you want to be. I dont what to do.   

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[Mel...]

Love, 

You are most definitely not worthless or useless. It sounds like you might be unloved though... by the most important person of all; yourself. 

You need to work on whats inside here and why you care so much what people think. One of my favourite quotes is "people cant let you down if you aren't leaning on them". Im on a similar life journey as we speak, unfortunately those of us who weren't given self esteem as children never seem to develop it on our own.

Don't harm yourself, if you do you're just letting the depression win. You don't actually want to, its the illness in your brain that is making you feel this way.

Untreated depression and anxiety only gets worse, now is definitely the time to act so you can live a happy, fulfilled life with your boyfriend. I was in a similar place to you only last week and this week i'm about 60% better. 

I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Lou_Lou]

Dear Love,

I feel so sad you feel this way. I think Mel made such a good point and that is to love yourself. you are certainly loveable. 

My husband is depressed at the moment and has suicidal thoughts and thinks we (his wife and two dear children only 6 and 7yrs) would be better off without him. I am here to tell you we would most certainly NOT be better off without him and I am so sure it's the same with you. You are worthwhile and loveable. Pls don't hurt yourself. pls be kind to yourself because you are very important and the world needs you. 

xo Lou Lou

[Neil_1]

Hi Love

Yes, I remember you from a little while back – I’m sure of it, cause you’ve got that awesome name.  🙂

You’ve received some great responses and I just wish to echo the thoughts already expressed to you.

 Under no circumstances will ending things be a good result – never – all it will do is lose the world to yourself, your given talents, your caring, your compassion, your thoughtfulness and ok, we barely know you, and so I’ll stop there, but there’d be so much more – you are your own person and you exist. 

You have a boyfriend and there is no way that he’d be better off without you. I’m imagining that it would be difficult at this time for your boyfriend if he’s got Uni commitments and study – but I do hope that he’s able to see you occasionally throughout each week. 

May I ask how long is it till you are able to get your licence?  Does this mean you’re still at school or are you also at Uni?

Do you also have any outside help – you know, professional help (eg:  GP or psyche’s that you have appointments with?)

I do hope that you can get back to us soon.

Kind regards

 Neil

[Jade12]

Hey Neil, I'd like to just thank you for being so supportive of me you're always so kind. It's two months before I can get my P's but even then I dont have a car of my own, and I am worried I will fail. I am in year 11 this year except unfortunately because I can't drive and there isn't a psyche nearby, I have no professional help. Another problem is that when I go to appointments, my mum takes me, and she gets angry at me if I feel depressed, and doesnt understand how it affects me and she thinks it's my fault. So I can't let her know which means its almost impossible to tell the doctor about how bad I am feeling without letting my mum know, and if I ask her to leave she will suspect it. What do you think I should do? I really don't want to ruin the relationship with my mum.  

[Neil_1]

Hi there Love

Great to hear back from you and hey, I have no doubt you’ll be fine in getting your “P’s” – and as you say, it’s still two months away yet, so you’ll have further driving experience during that time and I’m not sure how it all works nowadays, but I guess a bit more of a study of road rules during that time also.

Love, it’s amazing isn’t it – how things in life that we encounter are just not easy.  I guess that’s why someone a fair number of years ago said the quote, “Life wasn’t meant to be easy” – a former Australian Prime Minister if I’m not mistaken. 

But what I’m referring to here is how your Mum gets with regard to your appointments.

May I ask though – when you get taken to these appointments – is it just to a GP or is the person an actual psychiatrist/psychologist??   Surely if they were of either of the psyche variety, wouldn’t your mum already realise that there are deep seated issues for you anyway – without you having to ask her to leave?   Oh oh, I’ve just re-read your message and you’ve said that it’s a doctor that you’re visiting.

This thing can go one of two ways I’m guessing – either when your mum finds out, she’ll turn badly against it all and you won’t get support OR she’ll be right in your corner and support you through this no matter what.  I would SO hope that it is the latter for you, but with some recent threads that I’ve read from other people on this site, it is perhaps not a guaranteed thing that your mum will support you.  It pains me to write that as I do not want to frighten you off from trying to continue to seek the professional help you definitely need.

Love, here’s a suggestion for you – but after this, I hope that others might come here to chip in with a suggestion or two as well for how to go about this – but here’s mine for you.

Firstly, do you feel that your doctor is good and is a nice person to talk with?  If yes (and I hope it is a yes), in regard to the next appointment that you make, is it possible for you to phone your doctor beforehand (obviously without your mum knowing) and to speak to them about your upcoming appointment.  Saying that your mum will be there and that she will WANT to go in with you, and to tell them that then makes it difficult for you to speak openly about how you’re feeling. 

Could you ask your doctor that for when your appointment is due, could the doctor specifically ask for just YOU to go in first of all – so the doctor is the one asking your mum to wait in the waiting room.  Kind of being asked from an authority figure and hopefully that should keep her in the waiting room while you have your appointment. 

However, after that, I guess it would be up to you and your doctor as to how you approach the issue of your mum – in that, would you after a period of time invite her in to let her know what’s been discussed and let the doctor give his recommendations to your mum (again so she’s hearing it from a professional – a person of authority).  Do you think that might work?   Or perhaps some variation on the above??

I was going to say:  “Love, I’d love to hear back from you about this”.  But that kind of sounded a bit silly, so I’ll say “Love, I’d like to hear back from you about what you think of the above?”  🙂

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Love, before I read Neil's last suggestion I was going to suggest the same as what he has said, so as usual we both agree, however I had thought about writing a letter to your doctor and saying what Neil has said, so you have 2 alternatives here, but primarily the point here is that your mum should not interfere in your consultation and if they prescribe you any medication.

You are now becoming an adult soon, maybe in a year or so, so until your mum can accept what is happening to you, then she will have to keep in the dark.

This will only change when she is agreeable to listen to your concerns, however if she then decides that she thinks that you are making all of this up, then you will have stop telling her, unfortunately some people don't believe in depression, but boy, how wrong they are.

This relationship with your mum is one that you dearly love, and maybe if you click on 'resources' at the top and order all the printed material which BB will send out to you, it's all free but it's very informative.

What I want to do is to educate your mum on what depression is and the harm it causes us people, because it's an ever growing illness, and is happening more and more in the community these days.

It will describe to her that no matter how well brought up a child has been, with loving and caring parents, that this won't stop the strength of depression taking control of a person or child, nothing is able to stop and then inflict this illness upon somebody.

Once she has realised what depression actually is, then she will become a big support system for you, and I presume that's what you really want. Geoff. x

[Mares73]

Dear Love, I support the advice of Neil & Geoff. You could try phoning your Dr but if your unable to speak to him-perhaps tell the receptionist you have some urgent information to get to your Dr before the appointment-perhaps they have email & you could email your Dr & explain you really need to speak to him alone regarding issues about depression & your mum always insists in coming to the appointment with you but she doesn't yet understand depression & you will be unable to discuss important issues with him that are urgent-so could he please request that you are called into the consultation alone. That's one option if you can't speak to him. Another is to write that down on a piece of paper & when you go into the room discreetly hand him the note. But I'm hoping you can email or tell reception it's urgent you speak to him. Whatever method gives you access to let the Dr know you need to see them alone-it's absolutely crucial you do this. You are suffering & have the insight to know you are getting seriously low & the most important thing-whatever it takes-is to see the Dr alone & be as open & honest as you can be-please tell the Dr you have thoughts of self harm & are feeling seriously depressed. Also explain your mum doesn't understand & reacts badly to you raising the issue of your depression. The Dr will be bound by confidentiality not to tell your mum anything unless you think you'd like him to call her in alone after you & explain to your mum that he believes you are suffering from serious depression & need all her support & ask him to also explain its a serious illness-not something you can snap out of or control. I'd predict the Dr suggests antidepressants & I urge you to take them. This is not a weakness-many or most people with serious depression require antidepressants to help them getting any lower. And remember-just as diabetics & asthmatics & so on take medication for their illness-depression is no different-it's a terrible illness. Your Dr could also write up what's called "a mental health plan" and this provides you with up to 10 sessions with a Pyschologist covered under Medicare. Take all the support you can get. You or the Dr may also wish to print off some resources from this website-there are fact sheets on what depression is, how it is treated & information specific to carers & parents in understanding your illness as well as tips for your mum on what is the best way to support you and what not to say to you ie get over it, pull yourself together etc. these fact sheets would be very useful as part of educating your mum on depression & highlighting strongly that depression is an illness rather than a state of mind you can simply change. When is your appointment?  You've shown such courage & strength on reaching out here-do you think you could take the next step ie try talking to your Dr over the phone (don't hesitate to tell the receptionist it's urgent to speak to the Dr & why-I think if the receptionist knows the circumstances she will be more inclined to put you through to the Dr). If she can't-but I think she will once you tell her the urgent reasons why-next step would be getting the Drs email & writing to him. Last step would be writing it down, letting your mum walk ahead of you into the room & hand the Dr the note folded with the word PRIVATE URGENT on the front. Do you feel you could try phoning today & explain the situation to the receptionist? It would give you some relief. And even though I don't think it will come to this but if you did have to take a letter on the day & the receptionist knew-she could pop in & give it to the Dr just before your appointment so he can red it & then call you in alone. I really feel for you, having such a difficult time & not having the support & understanding you desperately need from your family. I hope you can make that call today & I send you a big hug full of courage & strength. Please when your ready let us know how you get on? In my thoughts, Lve Mares xxx

[Jade12]

Geoff, you are so right about depression. Sometimes it feels like no one understands and then they think its their fault or your fault and try to place the blame on someone or something, such as that you're faking it, when they don't realize how much it affects your life.  

[Jade12]

Thankyou for the advice Mares. I am really nervous, I am questioning whether I have depression and if I need professional help or if its just in my mind. I am really nervous to phone the doctor, I am worried he might judge me because I have never really met any one who hasn't, everyone has all these stereotypical ideas. I am not sure if I will be able to get to a psyche even if I can get the appointments.