Back

[Jade12]

It's been a while since my last post. I am feeling really bad right now, and struggling so much. I feel unloved, worthless, and useless. I am constantly alone and dont have the opportunity to get out, because I dont yet have a licence. My boyfriend and only friend hardly ever wants to see me since he is so busy with uni. I too often sit alone in my room and turn all the lights off and cry. I am facing suicidal thoughts, and having previously self harmed I am struggling to keep my head above water. I feel like the world would be better of without me because so many people in my life complain about everything I do, its as if effort does not matter its only if you do or dont succeed. I thought the world was a better place and I wish I could meet someone who could care for my existence because I feel like there is nothing in this road ahead, only pain and suffering. Each day is just the process of enduring more and more pain, eating away at you nerves, eating away at who you think you are, who you are and who you want to be. I dont what to do.   

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

 

[Neil_1]

Hi Love

One other quick suggestion for you – if you’re really nervous about making the call – is that largely due to your doctor being the family doctor?? 

Would it potentially be easier to choose a different doctor?   If so, on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of doctors available and they can be searched to hopefully locate one or more in your local area.  The thing with these doctors is that they are all fully qualified on dealing with mental health issues – and as a result of that, they are then able to determine the best future course of action for you.

Back to your own doctor though – I know this sounds so easy to read and it’s easy for me to say this, but please, yes you’re nervous (that’s only showing that you’re human, which is a good thing) 🙂  but Love, doctors are professionals and they’ve signed contracts and the like that announces that they can’t break patient confidentiality and they do not judge people/their patients. 

I know this can’t happen, but how I wish that one of us from this site could make that phone call for you – to help you out and to get this ball rolling for you. Doctors see hundreds and hundreds of patients and as a result, see people with all kinds of illnesses.  They no doubt will have seen people before with your illness that you are experiencing – which is great, because then they’ll know exactly what to do and how to provide appropriate assistance for you.

Please Love, hang in there and try for that phone call – and please let us know how you get on?

Kind regards

Neil

[Jade12]

Yeah, I think it would be important to call maybe someone who know a bit more about mental health.

[Jade12]

It just seems to never end, I keep thinking of ending my life. Nobody wants me here, I have no purpose, no will to go on. I never enjoy things anymore, every just feels like a continuous chore. It's getting so hard to get up in the morning and have hope that eventually things will be better, because I hope they do. It hurts so much to just try and wait things out.

[geoff]

dear Love, maybe you can call the 'web chat' line at the hours of 3pm to 12 am or during that time when no one is home or perhaps a friends phone but just make sure that you are alone, otherwise it will restrict you to be able to talk freely.

It's truly so important that you can get some help, or alternatively you can email Beyond Blue where you will be able to get their assistance and guidance.

Hope to hear from you soon. Geoff. x

[Jade12]

Never again, that was the most stressful experience of my life.

[Neil_1]

Hi Love

Lovely to hear back from you - but whoa, what do you mean by saying that was the most stressful experience of your life?

Was this something that you tried to do through Beyond Blue?

I would love to hear back from you on this?

Kind regards

Neil

[Jade12]

Well, it ended badly. And they told me I had to go to hospital. But it was just the phone line cutting out. I had an anxiety attack cause my parents were home.

[Neil_1]

Hi Love

Thank you for coming back to us - I'm guessing that phone call to the Doctors is what ended badly, yes??

Did you actually get to speak to a Dr?

I don't want to press you for information, but if possible, it would be great to hear a little bit more about what happened and where you're at, at the moment?  I'm not the only one here is concerned about you - so it'll help others to be able to read what events have happened to you just recently?   But again Love, I'm not wishing to push at all - I'm just concerned for you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Jade12]

Well, I was chatting online. Then they asked me to call them because I was talking about some pretty touchy stuff. When they tried to ring me the phone line cut out and they thought the worst I told them I was okay but they didn't believe me. So I ended up spending the night in hospital. I wish they were there when I actually needed them 2 years ago. Or for my cousin who killed herself last Sunday, I mean they knew she attempted suicide on the Monday but well thats me.

[Neil_1]

Dear Love

I'm so sorry to hear of the awful loss of your cousin.  I can't imagine how you'd be feeling now - and I'm guessing that you don't have too many options for support at this time either, do you????

Phoning up crisis lines seems to be like an almost "all" or "nothing" approach or response - where a lot of callers (so I've heard on this site) have said that they send a team around and will get the caller into hospital, when I believe all they wanted was someone to vent too.

Because of your hospital admission, were your parents aware of this - how is your mum with this?  You were worried sometime ago about if she was aware of how you are, you were worried that it might affect your relationship?  I hope that this isn't the case for you - I so hope that she is going to be a great support for you?

Please write back whenever and as often as you feel like it.

Kind regards

Neil