Anxious & embarrassed to move back to old school

[Celine_]

Hey guys,

I need your help. I'm unsure of whether or not I should move back into my old school. I'm currently in yr 10 and I recently moved to a new school this year, however I feel extremely lonely at this school :(. I've only stayed here for 3 Terms and I have made friends but none within my grade they all are mostly in the older grades. People here weren't quite welcoming when I first arrived and they weren't near as nice compared to the people within my old school. I really want to go back to my old school but I'm just so embarrassed and anxious about what my friends might think, I haven't been in contact with any of them cause I've just been feeling so down and not bothered to reach out to anyone. I also feel like it might be awkward because they all have made new friends and I feel like I might be left out 😞

My studies have been dropping due to the living situations that I'm in and my un-happieness has added to my grades dropping. However I'm so unsure of the possibility of moving back, cause of financial reasons. The other option I have come to is to instead to go and live with my mum which i'm happy about, but go to a state school as the people I currently living with are not my relatives, staying with them makes me feel uncomfortable as I feel so lonely here and nobody here ever socializes or even does simple things such as cleaning. State school as another option makes me terrified as I have been to private schools my whole life, I've heard so many stories of bullying and fighting within state schools and I I'm scared if I was to encounter that.

It would really help if u could share any experiences you may have had or any suggestions on what you think I should do.

Thanks!

[smallwolf]

Celine,

Hello and welcome to beyond blue.

Sorry to read what you have been going through recently. I cannot imagine changing schools to the easy and to do it again. Now I cannot tell you what I think you should do but I can hopefully ally your concerns about state schools...

My kids were going to go to private school but for our own reason opted for the state school system. The schools are close and are in fact very good primary/high schools, even some famous people went to the same school. Of course there are some schools you/they would not want to attend. This is probably where you heard those stories from you mentioned. Since the time I went to school, I would hope the numbers of this type of school to have reduced and best not to let a few stories cast a blackness over all state schools. I know you probably did not mean it that way, but once you a little about the school you are attending, things might be a little easier?

Now I did went to a private school. And there are stories about private schools that are not so nice either, either from the time I went to school or now.

What makes a school is the environment, the staff, teacher/student relations, how teacher teach etc. For example, at the schools my kids go to, the students are not spoon-fed information. If you want to learn you have to apply yourself and ask questions.

And on going back to your old school... all I can really say is - Can you to be honest with your old friends on what you were going through? I reached out to an old buddy from MANY years ago recently. Had not spoken to him for more than 10 years. But we now go out for lunch every couple of weeks and he is supporting me in my troubles. One of my cognitive issues is future/fortune telling, where you predict a negative outcome rather than a positive. In fact, it is possible that your old friends miss you also. Could it be that you are forecasting a negative outcome before going back to your old school?

Hope you got something out of this?

tim

Tim

[White_Rose]

Dear Celine

Welcome to the forum. This is a good place to write about what troubles you. It is a safe place.

Schools can be fabulous places and quite horrible with all the various levels in between. My children went to state primary schools and private high schools. The motive to use the private system was that the local high school did not have a great reputation. So my children left their friends at high school age but kept in contact with them. They were happy about this.

Tim has commented that some state schools are not the best and this is where stories come from, unfortunately damning the whole state school system. Like so many rumours that get embedded as urban myths state schools are are blamed for some students poor performance when it is the student who does not put in the work. May I ask why you changed schools? Was it your decision or request, or was it circumstance? I think it makes a difference which affects your current dilemma and the outcome.

If you go to live with your mom I understand you will attend a state school. Perhaps your mom can check out the school for you. Going to live with mom sounds good but you need to be certain this is the option you want rather than a default option because you want to get away from the people you currently live with.

I suspect your previous friends will not have forgotten you but you will only know if you contact them and suggest meeting away from school. Always worth a try.

It would be useful to discuss these issues with your guardian. Is this mom or someone else? This is the person who can answer your questions about going to another private school or returning to your previous school and the costs involved. Also the person to ask about returning to live with your mom. Unfortunately we cannot advise on these matters.

Make a decision based on what you want to do and how comfortable you will be in that situation. Then if it involves changing schools or home ask your guardian. We are happy to talk about pros and cons with you.

Mary