Anxiety first timer...

[Liz90]

Hi,
I've decided to get onto beyondblue as a means of direction, reassurance, even distraction.
I'm a 24 year old uni student, only just completed my first semester.
My mind is CONSTANTLY racing though. I constantly had my phone in my hand, trying to seem keep up with everyone else, comparing myself. If I saw a young pretty thing out partying on fb, I'd go crazy on my phone trying to organise a drinking sesh with "friends", just in order to feel like a carefree 18 year old again. I've had my share of crap relationships, I'm scared to death that I won't be accepted for me?
The constant worry of finances, my house, my mums health, my job, my education etc... All these responsibilities that you really don't even understand until they all hit you like a train as an adult.

Which is what has happened to me!
So many things go on in my head. Constantly. My mind never stops. For the past 6 months I've always felt anxious, but wasn't sure what the hell it was..I just thought I was sick? 
Until this past Thursday happened.
I went to trivia at my local (something I do EVERY thurs with family and friends).
And then it hit me. The worst panic attack. I simply couldn't be there. I fell into a heap in the carpark, could barely compose myself. Never been so scared in my life.
Friday I got worse. Lost it in my drs office, he prescribed an anti depressant that would calm my mind down over time (serotonin). I kept crying "This isnt me! I'm a strong confident person! what is happening to me!"...But I just couldn't cope. I didn't work all weekend (the bar I've worked at for 3 years). I just COULDNT shake this EXTREME anxiety. In an effort to give me a few hours of relief, my mum gave me some of her medication. A quick fix at most. 
The most simple exercises like going to the shops, work, getting the mail have me crippled with fear.
A 7 hr shift last night ended 2.5hrs in when get this, I felt FINE. then my brain said "But how will you feel when you get home?". BOOM. Panic attack from hell.
Today I saw a psychologist, which has left me feeling a TINY bit better.
My biggest fear? Is the fear itself. Will I ever overcome this? Will I EVER be normal? I have a cruise in 3 weeks, will I manage it? The idea of a few cocktails has me panic stricken because I know alcohol and anxiety don't mix.
Is my life as I know it over? I would do ANYTHING to make it go away for good. I hate how I feel. I hate the fear of fear. I cant eat or sleep.

I need to wake up from this nightmare

 

[Neil_1]

Hi Liz

Firstly I'd like to wish you a warm welcome to Beyond Blue and to thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.

I'll skip right to the end to start off with and I would say, "no, this is not how your life is going to pan out for you".  

With all that you've described and mentioned, what I'm seeing underneath is a warm, friendly, outgoing, fun and happy young lady.   Then suddenly you've had these panic attacks and anxiety has reared its ugly head at you.  And that's the thing that sucks about these things, they can just come up when you least expect it.

But, it sounds so much like you've got good people around you and support - from friends to your parents, etc - and that is HUGE.

You've also been proactive and sought out a psychologist as well and that's another massive tick in your favour - bloody awesome and good on you for arranging that AND for going along.  It was also very good to read that you found that a little helpful - and that's just from the first session.   I do hope you've got more lined up.

Three weeks time for a cruise - whoever it is you're going with, hopefully either GOOD friends or close family - I hope they know of how you are at the moment, so they can be there as a support to you.  I would also try to arrange another appointment with your psych prior to then, and to get their thoughts on this and see what mechanisms they might be able to suggest for you.

For what it's worth, I've been on three cruises and I LOVE 'em.   I'm gonna take a wild stab here and suggest your cruise is going around the pacific islands?

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Lori]

Hi Liz90,

Welcome to Beyondblue and the forums. Anxiety can be a very scary experience and people react and cope all differently. Im so sorry that you are having an awful experience with it.

There are many relaxation skills you can try to calm yourself down and the more you practice them, the better it is for yourself to remember them when experiencing an anxiety attack. Its important to always remember your breathing taking 10 deep breaths every day is always a good place to start. Other tricks you could try is tightening your fists as tight as you can while taking 3 deep breaths or tightening you belly while taking  3 deep breaths this helps bring the oxygen to the brain and helps the body relax. 

I myself suffer from extremely severe anxiety and have the worst anxiety attacks, but i practice my own relaxation skills every day in the morning and before i go to bed to calm myself down and i also go for walks and do yoga. After practicing all the time and being active i haven't had an anxiety attack in months and i use to have several a day. 

Exercising is a big key to help reduce the impact that anxiety has on you, even just going for a 30 minute walk each day can instantly start to help you get better. It wont be like this forever you will over come it and go back to your old routine of work, uni and family and friend time. 

If you are still seeing the psychologist, ask them to give you some relaxation skills, and some coping strategies. The boat cruise that you are going on definitely go, challenging your anxiety is a brilliant thing challenge your mind as much as you can, you might even surprise yourself. 

Well done for reaching out, keep pushing forward as it will get better and best of all be true to yourself! Good luck and keep in touch with how it all goes 🙂

 - Lori

[LottieRay]

Hi

Welcome to BeyondBlue!

It's unfortunate that your anxiety has been so dehabilitating lately but there are certain things you consider to help remedy the situation.

First of all, remind yourself that the anxiety is not your identity. You are still the confident young woman you perceive yourself to be and it is okay to not always have the strength to exhibit that confidence.

It is great that you are seeking help from a psych. Your proactive measures show a willingness to improve the direction of your journey.

I suggest practicing mindfulness to curb your anxiety. Essentially, by living in the present and examining your emotions in their present state from an objective standpoint, you are better equipped to examine the nature of the situation.

In addition to this breathing in for 4 seconds, holding for 8 seconds and then breathing out for 7 can activate the flight or fight mechanisms in your body. This could be used in your university setting, or when trying to do day to day tasks.

Finally, whilst easier said than done, do not be concerned with comparing yourself and competing with the behaviours of your younger counterparts. Rather, remind yourself that you have the same educational goal and it is that, rather than your social pursuits that are most important.

I hope this helps and provides you with the necessary tools to make your cruise, your life, and everyday situations just that little bit easier.

[Narniakid]

Hi Liz90 and welcome to BB!

I am sorry to hear about your troubles, it's always very confronting and scary having an anxiety attack, and they seem to come at the most inconvenient times. 

Remember that negative thoughts are just reactions to fear, and that fear is just a figment of our imaginations. Just because you think it does not make it true, you know? 

It sounds like you have lots in your life to keep you distracted, which is very important, as well as a solid supportive network of friends and family. 

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do when an anxiety attack comes, however, you CAN minimise how often they occur - remove the triggers and find a way to work around them. For example, I study radio, and I have recently completely changed my course to study content rather than presenting, as I often have panic attacks behind the microphone. This way I still do what I love in the industry I love, but I have removed the factor that triggered my anxiety.

Have a look at the information about coping with anxiety here on the website, and ask your psychologist or doctor to teach you some breathing exercises, as they are so good to use when you start to feel the anxiety building up inside.

As for the cruise, a little bit of alcohol is perfectly fine with anxiety, however just don't go overboard (pardon the pun hahah). Know your limit, and you'll be fine. You got this, girl!

Crystal

[PatT]

Hi Liz,

good god I remember my first panic attack and how horribly deformed and surreal it was. More often than not it's the fear of having another one that makes us strung out for a while after and when it does happen again it's just reinforcing this fear. One important thing to remember is that it will not go on forever and what you're dealing with now will pass.

I used to have panic attacks nearly every day for about 3 months. That was my first day of high school. They stopped for a while then started again when I was 19. Then started again at 23. I'm 24 as well and haven't had one for about a year now. For me it comes down to two things - medication and self care.

I'm on antidepressants as well and they usually take about 2 weeks until they take full effect. It might seem like a long time at this point with all the stress you're experiencing but trust me, they really do work. There are a few steps you can do to try and manage your anxiety at the moment. Biggest piece of advice - keep going out and spending time with friends and family. It sounds like you've got an awful lot on your plate at the moment but too much time alone makes things so much worse.

Also when you feel a panic attack coming on, most of what you're experiencing is completely involuntary. It's pretty much a byproduct of human evolution in response to threat. When we feel threatened by something/in danger our body tries to prepare itself by initiating the 'fight or flight' response. In a panic attack our body is prepping us to get the hell out of there - it releases a bunch of adrenaline, stops other bodily processes (like digesting etc.) and pretty much puts us into 6th gear. A bunch of psychological triggers combine at once, often too confusing to process, and we don't know what's really going on, just that we're in danger.

The problem is we can't simply flee the situation and feel better. And the only real anchor we have to reality is our breathing. Take a deep deep breath in through the nostrils to the count of 5, pause, and release it slowly through the mouth. Repeat again and again. Concentrate on what you're doing. From my experience this is the best way to manage a panic attack.

Don't hesitate to contact me if needed,

all the best,

Pat.

[SeanM92]

Hey there Liz,

Welcome to the forum

First thing i want to tell you, Don't Panic.

What your experiencing is pretty common, while its a huge life change, it can be only temporary aslong as you don't get so worked up about it (which i know is easier said then done). 

Its good that your aware that it isnt in your regular personality to freak out at the drop of a hat, you should do your best to keep your awareness of that because you will be that person again. The tricky bit is understanding where this sudden fear of fear came from and why its hit you so hard, Is there anything you can think of? it could be a dream you had or a movie you saw or even just a random thought, something that started this all. 

Also being a uni student can be incredibly stressful which may also cause reactions like this to happen. something to keep in your mind is that you will be the person you where, aslong as You want to be that person. Your not alone either, feel free to ask around or even search on the net, you may find someone in the same situation that figured out how they made themselves feel better and it may work for you.

Just remember who you want to be when you have an attack and think about how you can become that person again,

Your a very strong willed person from what i can read but you just hit a bump on the road of life, thats okay, it happens to everyone.

Take care an we are always here if you need people to talk to, 

[morgs29]

Hi Liz,

Welcome to the community and thank you so much for sharing your story with us so candidly. I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time.

I want to start by talking a bit about where you said "This isnt me! I'm a strong confident person!" when you were experiencing anxiety in your doctor's office. Please don't ever think you are not strong and confident because you experience anxiety and panic attacks. This in no way, shape or form makes you an any lesser or weaker person! It's so brave and courageous that after hitting rock bottom, you picked yourself up and sought help. This proves just how STRONG you are!

I remember when I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 15 years old. I felt so awful about myself and that somehow I wasn't "normal" and that my life would never be the way I wanted it to be. I think what you will find as good news, is that I am 27 now and I am a very happy young woman. It has taken me a long time to understand my conditions and ensure I know how to take the very best care of myself to manage them.

I remember when I used to compare myself to those around me, thinking "I should be like them." But, finding out how unique I am and being true to myself has been more amazing than anything else I've learnt. I think we all have times where we compare ourselves to others, but what has helped me are the following questions when I find myself comparing or judging myself from others:

1. Is the activity that person is doing something I want to do?

2. Do I really wish I was like this person? Why?

3. What is it that I want to do right now? What makes ME happy?

4. Why am I special? What makes me unique?

Remember, there is only ever ONE of you! That is amazingly special! I know it may not feel like that right now for you. Managing anxiety is going to be tough, but it sounds to me like you are an incredibly strong person and that you want to find out how to feel better. I suggest looking up the resources on the BeyondBlue page and continuing to reach out for help.

Keep your head up and do your best not to criticize yourself for the bad days.

Take care,

Morgan

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Liz90,

Thanks for reaching out to BB.  I'm sorry that you are going through some tough times right now but yes - you can get out of them and there is a light at the end of this tunnel!

Congrats on going to see a psychologist as that's a huge step and a good one in the right direction.

The only thing that I can really think of that might be useful to add is to remember that what's happening with these anxiety attacks are just your bodies natural response - you may know it as the flight or fight response.  So when you maybe worked yourself a little bit too hard and had the first one, this may be the cause for the second one (or third one).  Coping with anxiety in biological terms is just re-training your brain to learn not to panic when things get difficult or fearful.  Once we know and understand that anxiety is just that - anxiety, it suddenly becomes a little less scary. 

Keep seeing the psychologist and find what works for you; whether it's being creative (drawing, journalling, painting), listening to music, mindfulness- anything that you may find helps you.

Oh and remember - just because people are confident does not mean they don't have anxiety.  Some of the most confident people I know have the most crippling anxiety; they've just learned to manage it over time.

🙂

[guest159]

Hi everyone this is my first time posting on beyond blue, since this is my first time suffering from anxiety.

I am 18 years old, male and working part time in my family business. These couple of months have been extremely hard for me because I've had health issues that i kept to myself, and googled a lot of info about it, and i was self diagnosing myself with a lot of terrible illnesses. Finally, i opened up to my family and they took me to the doctor for those issues and my doctor has referred me to a specialist and now i am maintaining the health problems i had. The main issue now is that i am experiencing a lot of random muscle pain, chest pain, problems swallowing, back of head pain, and lost about 9 kilo and weigh 60kilo. I'm seeing a psychologist next week about it, since doctors have told me this is anxiety im going through. Everyday i say to my parents about my pains i feel everyday because im constantly thinking about the pains because it's always there, EVERYDAY since all these health issues started. Also these last couple days i've had like rabbit poo stoles everytime i go toliet. not sure if this is part of the stress? please HELP. sorry if i didn't go into depth im not the best typer