Three years, seven medications

[Bb23]

In the past 3.5 years, I have been on seven different anti-depressants, seen many counsellors, psychiatrists, psychologists, and dietitians.

Nothing has ever made me feel happier or better in any way. No sign of improvement either. 

I just want to know what it's like to feel happy again. The hope I have for getting better is diminishing and I just don't know what to do anymore. 

Any advice would be appreciated! 

[geoff]

dear Bb, how disappointed you must feel, but with having depression myself for, well, how long, it's hard to say but after being diagnosed it was for a long time, and to suffer just like you have and all the other people who post and come to this site, we understand how horrible it has been.Please excuse me when I say 'all the other people who post on this site' as I'm pre-empting a situation which might not be correct.In some unusual way it doesn't matter whether you have been depressed for one year or twenty years, although the longer it goes on the deeper we get and the more complicated it becomes.I had to try at least 6 or 7 different types of antidepressants (AD), and I know that your patience becomes very thin, juggling and then drying out and then starting a new AD trying to find the suitable one, but it does happen and will happen for you.What concerns me is that you have seen psychologists, psychiatrists, and any other counsellors, but I would like to know if there was one of them in this group that you felt as though you could honestly relate to, someone who you clicked with, and talk without any fear.Even if this is only or felt as though you could talk to, then this is the person that you should connect with.There could be a problem here, because if you get your medication from your psychiatrist and connect with a psychologist, then you have to talk to your doctor about your medication and your situation.I would very much like to know what you are doing and what you did before all of this happened. Geoff.

[Lori]

Hi Bb23,

I can understand how frustrated, angry and upset you may be feeling, its a long time to be suffering from horrible illnesses and seven medications is a bad run.

There is hundreds of medications out there and as annoying it may be to keep having to try new ones there is one out there that is going to help you. Someone people try 1-3 and find the right one and for other it might be more than that.  But don't give up hope you will find one and will over come these horrible illnesses. 

The best thing you can do is to keep trying new things, because eventually you will find something that will work for you and will help you. For me walking and yoga is something that helps me everyday to cope and to feel happy. I also have my own types of relaxation skills that i practice every day to keep me calm and relaxed it took me 4 years to find these things but just remember it isn't impossible to get better,you will over come all this and find the rainbow at the end of the tunnel. 

Keep pushing forward, try new things and stay strong!

- Lori

[swan70]

Hi bb23,  it can be terribly frustrating having seen so many mental health professionals and tried so many ADs . From my experience having been diagnosed with bi polar depression some 10 years ago, 1 thing that helped was going for a walk for 20-30 mins as this lifts your mood by releasing serotonin, ,our natural feel good chemicals. And i quit smoking some 6 months ago. There was been a link with depression and smoking. So if you smoke try and escape the nicotine trap. This is easier said than done. As we withdraw and want to shut out everything and push family and friends away. remember people care and love you. You did not choose to get a mental illness. I wish you all the very best as there are 100000s of us fellow aussies going through the same mental isues as you. You are not alone . 😀

[Narniakid]

Hi Bb23!

I can imagine how frustrating and disheartening your situation is making you feel. Perhaps your depression is linked to a particular aspect of your lifestyle, rather than a chemical imbalance in the brain. Think about the things that trigger your negative thoughts; work? Friendships? Studying? If you can pinpoint it, you can change it. Reevaluate your goals; make a mood board of photos and quotes that inspire you. Keep a diary; write down what happened in the day and how you felt about it, and ask your psychologist if she can spot any patterns. Try a new hobby; my depression kicked started what has turned out to be a pretty successful art streak. 

Remember that negative thoughts are just reactions to fear, and fear is just a figment of our imaginations. Look at every day as a new opportunity. 

Good luck and don't loose hope!

Crystal 

[PatT]

Hey Bb23,

the issue with antidepressants is that finding the right one can be, for many people, a process of trial and error. I remember starting on one when I was about 12. It worked really well until the age of 15, then I started feeling terrible again. I didn't even consider it could be the medication which had worked so well for me in the past but I decided to come off it completely. The next 6 months were horrendous until I spoke to my doctor, tried again with a different SSRI, then another, then another, then another, all to no avail. 

I improved a bit after I gave up on them completely but then at 19 I was spiralling down and had to go through the whole process again. It took about 9 months but I finally found one that made me feel great and I've been on it ever since. I know the whole process of starting, stopping and changing can be really daunting and some can make you feel worse than you did before but try and stick it out. Having spoken to many people who've had trouble with finding the right medication, there always seems to be one that works for everyone.

In addition, try not to let your mental illness define you. It can be so tempting to just curl up in bed most days or feel completely defeated but in my experience that's when we end up feeling even worse. Practice some healthy habits - spend time with people, do some physical exercise at least 3 days a week, get outside and get some vitamin D and try to engage yourself in something that's both creative and social.

One thing that has helped me more than anything has been meditation. Being a huge skeptic about it for years I found it pretty hard to get into, but now I can confidently say that nothing has helped me more. It lets you kind of externalise your negative emotions and look at them, list them, analyse them and sometimes even forget about them for a while.

And finally, remember that what you're going through is just temporary and that things will improve. Sometimes it feels like what you're experiencing will go on forever but it won't, just give it some time, patience and do some positive things for yourself.

[Sophia_Sophia]

Hi Bb,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I can totally empathise with the helplessness and frustration you are feeling right now when it feels like it will never get better or keep happening no matter what you do. I had the same thing a few months ago but tried to remember that it will pass. 

The good news is that it DOES get better and will make you stronger and grow you as a person. It can take ages to find a medication that works for you, try keeping notes of how you are feeling so you can work with your psychiatrist to find the right one/mix that works for you. It's your body and sometimes you truly do know what is best for you. BeyondBlue has a really great booklet on the different medications for depression which you could find helpful:) - I certainly did in empowering myself in my medications! 

In addition to medication, what I have found so important is making healthy life choices which contributes to your happiness. Exercising, doing yoga, meditation, eating delicious/nourishing foods, connecting with family/friends who love and care for you and vice versa, enjoying the outdoors, exploring your creativity, getting enough sleep and working towards goals. Primarily, prioritising things that you enjoy! At first these things might not make much difference but they will all add up and make a huge change to your happiness. Another thing I have found really helpful over the years is gratitude. Start with taking a moment from each day to think of three things you are grateful for, they can be small things such as it's sunny! This slowly shifts your mind frame to see positives in almost all situations. 

I'm thinking of you and remember that it will get better :))) xxxxx 

[SeanM92]

Hey there Bb23's

Sorry to hear about your predicament, its hard to know what to do when the people who are meant to help haven't. 
I too was in your situation, for something like 5 to 6 years i was on all kinds of medications for depression / anxiety, i went through several dozen counselors, psychiatrists and psychologists until eventually the only thing that they could do was give me one of 2 choices of drug, both had potentially fatal side affects, one was an experimental drug that wasn't allowed in public circulation yet and the other was a psychological containment facility goto drug as a last resort, so yeah i know about the medication haha. when i was proposed those options i decided to take neither, i was so fed up with taking all this medication and not feeling any better, so i stopped. Keep in mind though its incredibly ill-advised to just stop taking any medication cold turkey, i did get incredibly sick from it.

Anyway, once i stopped taking them i saw the world again with un-medicated mentality and it was frightening.What i did to take control of my own life again was fairly simple, it was hard yes but well worth it. All it took was to look at everything with simplicity, for example, if i did something good like go somewhere or do something that normally would set me off, i rewarded myself with something i Did enjoy doing, like having a take away meal and watching a favorite movie or TV show. Just simple incentives that make you want to do more to get more in return. And every little victory helps re spark that joy of life.

this is what worked for me though we are all different, it may work for you, but never forget there are always others who feel the same way somewhere around the world and im sure you can find there strategies on the net somewhere on even on the forums here, 

take care, good luck and feel better soon 

[morgs29]

Hi Bb,

I'm so sorry to hear how disheartened you feel. It must be really tough when you are doing so many things but finding that not much is helping you yet.

I have had anxiety and depression myself for over 10 years now, and I can remember very long periods of time where I wasn't seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. But what I would feel, was tiny moments of hope. I hung on to these moments for dear life, as these were the moments that gradually made my hope grow bigger, wishing for brighter days. And brighter days did come. 

I don't want to sit here and tell you what to do or not to do to make you feel happier, but if I can give you one gem of advice - please don't lose hope. You posting on this forum shows me that you still hold hope in your heart, and despite how small that feeling may be, I feel like it's there for you. Hold onto it, nurture it, and look to the sun for better days - however small that better day looks for you. The fact that it's there at all shows how brave you are.

I'm thinking of you and wishing you a brighter day coming, sooner rather than later. Hold on. Keep on keeping on.

Morgan

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bb23,

Thanks for reaching out to BB.  I'm sorry that things have been so rough for you and that you haven't found much relief in reaching out.

Sometimes with people they can reach out to hundred of people but it's not until they kind of do ground work within themselves that things start to add up and make sense.  Have you thought about why these sessions aren't working out?  Is there something in particular that really bothers you that you can't get to the bottom of?

I know for me it helped to stop and take a step back from all the appointments and just look at my life as a whole; where I was living, who I was living with, my friends, relationships, work, study, job, health, finances, religion (you name it) - and it's only then that I started to work out where I was really unhappy.  (If you are interested in doing this yourself you can google 'wheel of life happiness')

The other thing it could be is who you are seeing; sometimes just because you are seeing a psychologist or counsellor doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be the person that works for you.  Do they offer insight and advice?  Do you feel like you can talk to them?  Do you feel better after leaving the session?

Good luck and keep on trying.  🙂