Anxiety and depression

[Belle1994]

This is my first time posting. I guess I just want to write down how I'm feeling somewhere

Ive never told anyone that I feel this way and when I try they tell me that I'm just over reacting and that I need to get over it. For years Ive told myself I don't actually have a mental condition and that I was just seeking attention. But after eight years of feeling this way I know it can't be that. 

I think I have dysthymia (chronic depression) I've done lots of research and it describes me perfectly. Im constantly sad and tired. I feel hopeless and like I can't ever be bothered doing anything. I don't really enjoy anything. I'm scared that if I don't get help I'll just stay this way forever, being alive but not actually living or really feeling anything.

I also believe that I have anxiety. I get anxiety over just about anything but its mainly triggered by social encounters. My friends and family think I'm just shy and anti-social its more than that. Going to class or answering my phone gives me anxiety attacks. This usually happens at least once a day. I can't breathe, my heart starts beating really fast, I get really hot and I feel like I'm going to throw up. They happen so regularly that I can carry on a conversation while one is happening because Im so used to it. 

I know I need to change my life if I have any chance of actually being happy. But I'm not sure how. I know I want to drop out of university because I hate it and I'm not even interested in the career path I'm on. I know I want to leave where I'm living now and move back home with my parents. I know I need help. I just don't know how. I don't know how to talk to the people around me and I don't know how to get professional help. 

If anyone can give me any tips on how to get any sort of help that would be really great. Otherwise I know it would be helpful to hear from anyone going through something similar who can give me any kind of advice

Thanks Belle x

[BenD]

Hi Belle, welcome to beyondblue.

This is a place where you can feel safe to write down what you are feeling and get advice from people who are going through similar experiences, I hope you find some comfort here.

Firstly, good idea doing the research. It's much easier to find a solution to how you are feeling when you understand what to look for.

Feelings of constant sadness, tiredness and hopelessness are very sapping indeed. It feels like life is drifting by rather than engaging. As well as this, shyness and anxiety make things even more difficult because it's difficult to communicate with others about how you really feel.

The good news is that you can change those feelings and that you can be happy. If you aren't interested in the career path you are following then by all means change - I just dropped out of a business pathway to work with a charity organisation and I haven't ever felt more convinced that I was doing the right thing by me.

It might be good to move back with your parents as well, having someone that knows you and loves you around often will help, but do what feels most comfortable for you.

Now, if I were you (knowing what I know now from other lovely people on these forums) this is what I would do:

1. See a councilor; either through uni, a GP referral (you get 10 free visits via medicare), or even by using the web chat service here on BB.

In the mean time...

2. Checkout mindfullness meditation (its scientifically verified to make you feel calmer and better)

3. Work through some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy courses, depending on whichever course you can relate to most

4. Keep chatting on here 🙂 It's a really good place to get things off your chest.

What course are you studying at uni?

Ben

[Belle1994]

Hi Ben

Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot to me.Im currently studying to become a teacher, which is really not a great thing for me to be studying as the idea of standing up in front of a group of students terrifies me. People ask me a lot why Im becoming an teacher and the honest answer is I have no idea. And my problem is I have absolutely no idea what else I would do.

Im looking into going to a GP to get some help but Im not sure how I'll do this. My anxiety about speaking to people I don't know is very high. Im just hoping that I can get the courage to do it. 

Thanks again for your answer

Belle

[BenD]

Hi Belle,

No need to thank me, I have had help from other people here as well so just returning the favour 🙂 Teaching is one of those things that you can always come back to when you feel better, I did 2 years of it as my first degree before realising I wanted to do something else. Finding out what you want to do is pretty difficult hey? What worked for me was giving something back to the world while I try to discover the answer.

It's hard being a socially anxious person to get involved in something out of the blue, but how about you and a friend consider travelling? Or doing a volunteering holiday somewhere? With a friend there it takes the burden of having to communicate with strangers too often.

Another thing that has helped was talking to my parents heaps. It's surprising sometimes how well they know you compared to how well you know yourself.

As for getting in contact with a GP or counselor, they know that people coming to  them are often going to be under some sort of duress. They are very professional and understanding. It can be nerve-wracking to take that first step but I promise you that once you do it will feel a whole lot better.

You've already shown the courage to post on here, I'm confident in you that you can do it again.

Ben

[Belle1994]

Hi Ben

Actually a few years ago I went overseas and worked at a Girl Scout summer camp in America. I did it to try to force myself out of my comfort zone and overcome my anxiety. Unfortunately it didn't work as well as I wanted it to and I actually didn't have a very good time. But I can see how doing something similar with a friend could be helpfully. Unfortunately none of my friends would be in a position to do something like that with me. But thanks for your suggestion.

Ive made an appointment with a gp for tomorrow. Now I've taken that step I hope I have the confidence to actually go to my appointment and speak openly with the gp. Hopefully after that I'll be able to talk to my family and friends about it. 

Thanks for your suggestions and support 

Belle