I've been "depressed" for about 4 years now—I'm using quotes because, well...my experience with it has been completely bizarre.
If you looked at my life on paper, you'd never think I was depressed. Relatively speaking, things are good (and not just in a superficial way). I have longtime friends, a caring family, I've accomplished a lot of things that I know are meaningful. But on the inside, it's like someone dunked me in bleach. Emotionally, I'm completely blank 95% of the time.
I don't feel sad or angry. Just empty.
I don't know why it started. It just kind of crept up on me. At first it was really hard. I'd just sit around doing nothing, because I had no sense of emotional motivation/direction—for big things (life goals), or even small things (interacting with people). For example, someone at school would tell a joke. I would normally expect to laugh. Instead, it was like the feeling just never came. Like someone had gone in and snipped wires in my brain.
Now I'm better at it. Essentially, I just fake everything. It works. But it's exhausting. I have to think about every decision I make and everything I do rationally. And even though I do all the things that should help me feel better (tons of exercise, playing in a band, reading, talking to lots of different people), none of it has the slightest effect on me.
Even though I'm fine on the surface, I can't make emotional connections with anything or anyone (even though they might be connected to me). Overall, I'm just completely burned out and I'm not sure what to do about it.
dear Talen, nice of you to join our site, but from what you have said is that you in the throes of depression at a young age, as you have posted in the 'young section', which makes your life so difficult to handle and then manage and this has probably been for at least 4 years, and I'm guessing that you about 14 to 17 years, and please correct me if I am wrong.
We do put on a fake face and pretend to others that we are OK, and recently my psychologist suggested that this is not true, and he didn't believe in this, but I refutely disagreed with him and said that even if something he had a disagreement on with someone had been annoying him, then how does he behave with his patients, in other words do you tell your patients that you're not feeling well or just continue on, and of course he said I carry on, so I said you hide it, it's no different to what the depressed do.
We don't only get sick of pretending that we are OK, but finally we sick of doing what we used to enjoy 'tons of exercise, playing in a band, reading,' so we become stuck and don't know what to do.
What you need to do is to talk to a school counsellor, your parents or if none of these you feel comfortable with, then you have to go and see your doctor, and if you don't want to see the family doctor, then there are several options, and probably the first would be to ring the BB line 24/7 who will then guide you.
It's so important that you stay in touch with all of us, as there are many young adolescents who seek our help and we want to do the same for you. Geoff.
I would like to say l believe you are very courageous. I say this because you have acknowledged you have depression. Acknowledging this can often be one of the hardest steps. It was for me.
Depression is a disease. Like most diseases the good news is that there is a cure. Please believe me in saying that you can get better and when you do, you can appreciate the sensations emotions bring you.
I would encourage you to see a doctor who would be able to explain what depression is and what the cures are.
My advice for recovering from depression is:
1) listen to your doctor. I saw a Gp and a Psychiarist. I was taking anti-deressants for a few years. It helped me to find my feet. Don't rely on drugs through, willpower is what did it for me.
2) don't tell yourself "I'm depressed". Say "I have Depression and will recover."
3) be kind to yourself. It's a mean disease and lures you into thinking you are powerless. You're not. It just takes time to recover and you have to be patient.
4) Set small challenges and don't be hard on yourself if you don't succeed at first. For me, when l was in the worst days, it was "Get out of bed", "have a shower", "get dressed" and "play with the puppy".
5) find a good psychologist to teach you how to identify unhelpful thinking styles and mindfulness.
6) appreciate the small things and beauty in life. Example, a smile for a stranger, a cute puppy, a flower in bloom.
It's a tough disease but you are strong and l believe you will recover. I had depression and l did recover so believe in yourself and don't be afraid to ask others for help. You are loved and friends and family will be there for you.
I forgot to add in my post regarding the subject line "depression is the norm, not an exception".
I would say that "Depression is disease that too many people have. There are cures and I can recover."
Depression is not normal and shouldn't be accepted as so. Would you accept having the flu (or another disease) all the time as normal or would you take steps to get better? I think you'd take steps to get better.
I hope that gives you encouragement to get the tools you need to recover. You'll not alone and you will recover.
