am I worth loving

[284Xxxxx]

I've been dating someone for 8 months now, he's perfect, sweet and has done nothing to make me not trust him and would never hurt me. He cares about me and has the purest intentions.

Yet I still struggle to let my walls down and trust him. Up until a couple months ago I started getting paranoid that he was talking to other girls, looking at other girls and although I know he never would I'm struggling to get these thoughts out of my head. I struggle to keep myself from pushing him away, I've almost broken up with him a couple times now but each time I can't because I have so much love for him and I think he knows that's not what I really want.

I'm struggling to be okay and happy with who I am. I'm constantly worried about not being good enough, making him unhappy and just not being good for him. He tells me how happy he is with me all the time but I can't bring myself to believe it. I feel like he's in a bubble and I just want to protect myself from getting hurt eventually and push him away. I'm struggling so much. I'm torn. I get these waves of wanting to push everyone away and be alone but I know that's not what I should be doing.

i don't feel happy anymore. I don't like who I am, I feel like my friends aren't there anymore. I struggle to believe I make this boy happy. I'm scared I'm ruining him and making him unhappy but because he loves me he can't let me go. I'm struggling to be happy with who I am.

[MarkJT]

Hey 284Xxxxx, first off welcome to the forums - it is truly a marvelous place which is very caring and free of any stigma.

I am not a clinician but i do have lived experience with PTSD, depression and anxiety. What you are displaying are symptoms of depression that i had also.

What i would love for you to do is go to the GP and discuss this. They are the experts in the matter and will be able to advise you of what to do.

You may get a mental health plan with 10 sessions to a psych. This is perfectly fine, nothing different than being referred to a specialist for a physical ailment.

Please remember that you are capable of living a full functioning life and are more than capable of loving and being loved. Just needs a bit of fine tuning here and there and you will be okay.

The first step that you need to take is seeing the GP so please, book in as soon as you can.

Mark.

[geoff]

hello 284X, what you could be having is 'intrusive thoughts' so I want you to google this and read whatever site comes to your mind.
The two of you are going to speak to someone from the opposite sex, it's natural but when you feel threatened it's something you need to talk with your doctor about.
It's been an enormous post/section on BB but normally it's linked for people with OCD, but irrespective of whether or not you have OCD it still happens for people who simply want to hurt someone they love and can never work out why, or make terrible comments to someone they love, because they feel as though they need to.
I used to do this with my Mum who I dearly loved and could never work out why I said those comments to myself, I hated it so much, but please have a read and hope you will get back to us. Geoff.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi 284, if you're really struggling I suggest you talk to a trust adult or friend about this. It might be a great idea to see a psychologist (millions of people see them, it's super normal and okay to do that). I have a friend going through the same situation, not believing she is worth someone she's dating. But the truth is you are worthy simply for being human, and there is no way this person would spend 8 months with you if they did not care and have genuine feelings for you. It is just simply not possible. If someone says they love you they mean it, so I think the first step to this would be to realising that he does care about you, that you are "good enough" (simply by being yourself you are good enough and enough) and that you are trying your best. Communication is key, and if he's a thoughtful intelligent person he will offer you reassurance and help through this. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help if need be. Would love to hear how you're going over the next few days. J x