Am I weird?

[Guesy_839]

Hello, currently my legal name is “G”, but I go by Sierra.

I’ve had many problems in the past because I have been uncomfortable with my legal name.

I’ve been picked on a bit in the past, and I’ve had many people tell me it’s not okay to go by a new name. My school (Middle/High) told me it was also unacceptable, and the school has no way of changing it.

I’ve been experiencing depression, and my anxiety and anger has gotten worse over it. If you’re wondering as well, I do have people to talk to, like a school counselor, and my best friend. But sometimes it’s hard because I have a pretty unique problem, and I have searched forum after forum, and the closest I get is “How to respect a transgender person’s new pronouns”. I’m not transgender, and I’m not choosing a different gender, so I’m at a bit of a loss.

I’ve also been told I may have been experiencing childhood emotional neglect as well, although I’m not entirely sure that’s the case, as I don’t have low self-esteem and I don’t blame myself for their behavior, although they were never really there for me growing up, and I have also had depressive episodes about that. I’m willing to go into more depth into that if you want.

Back to my legal name issues. I have broken down at school many times, and I’m starting to not be able to cry anymore. The last time I smiled was Sunday night, with my best friend while watching my favorite movie. I’ve been angrier, and my friends have told me I’m starting to look hollow and empty. It’s starting to affect my general life, and I have no idea what to do (Minor here) because my parents told me it’s stupid, I’ll grow out of it and no one will ever accept it (My small group of friends do).

So… yeah. That’s my situation.

Sierra.

[blondguy]

Hello sisisierra

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too!

Firstly....no one will judge you here. The forums are here to provide support....not to judge you in any way

Just so who you are talking to I have had anxiety attacks and now depression for a while now and no matter what you are going through you are alone here

If its okay with you...can we talk about the anxiety first?....just so we can try to help you more effectively 🙂

May I ask you about what is painful about your legal name? Is it your first or last name? I understand you as I have a last name that I have always been laughed at for

I have a family member in their mid 20's and they dont have the courage like you have to write a post on the forums. You are an amazing and strong person Sierra

Being as strong as you are Beyond Blue have very gentle qualified people 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 if you want to have a voice on voice if you are stuck

I am sorry that you have been going through such a rough time at school Sierra . You mentioned that you have been going through forum after forum for some help. I hope you can stick around Beyond Blue with us as there are young people that can be here for you

You are not weird at all Sierra!.....Amazing and strong...Yes!

You are not alone

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Sierra~

No you are not weird. If you are I am too.

I'm known by my second given name, this is my choice, I made it many years ago and it's stuck. I did it because my first given name has unpleasant connotations, which I'm not going to go into. Despite many years my legal name is on all the forms. As an adult I could change it, however by and large being known by all as my second name is enough. I do have to let people know so they don't inadvertently use my first name when meeting me for the first time, a small hassle. I'm pleased to say many forms now have 'preferred name' on them as well as legal name.

I'm telling you this so firstly you know you are not alone and others have wanted -and got -a different name. Secondly that unless you are prepared to go to extraordinary lengths a legal name will trail along behind you -but end up not being that important. What people actually call you is the thing. As an adult you can change all or part of your name permanently if you want, I did not think it worth the hassle.

I'd be surprised if you got your close family to call you Sierra, though some understanding ones might, but as you say your friends do. I'd expect that some teachers might call you Sierra too if they know you and are friendly types.

I am a little worried, not by you having a name you prefer, but by you saying you've had depressive episodes, difficulties crying, and are looking hollow and empty. I would think that would need looking into. I know you said you have a school councilor, have you been concentrating on the name problem, or have you been talking about these other things I'm worried about?

Parents themselves can be stupid, or insensitive, or simply fail to see how important some things are. I'm one so I should know 🙂 You may have to cut them some slack.

It's pretty good you have a best friend, and can watch movies together, we all need that.

Hang in there Sierra, you will get your way in time

Croix

[Guesy_839]

Hi guys, and thanks for the responses.

For more information, I talk to the counselor, my best friend and Arianna. She’s this girl who I have a deep relationship with (Friendship relationship).

When it comes to the anxiety, I completely shut down. Like, I think of something, and then it’s like I go into “hibernation”. Still can’t describe it properly, haha.

When it comes to terms with why my legal name causes this much damage, I have my reasons. I might possibly get identified if I say exactly what happened, but it involves a reoccurring incident, that people know about because it spawned at school (And at my school, literally no one leaves once you come). It also happens to be both names that suck, but mainly my first name. the last name thing is a little more sorted out, because most people know it came from my dad, and literally all my friends don’t like my dad anyways.

Just wanted to thank you for your responses, and I really appreciate your kind words :3

Sierra

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Sierra.

Welcome to the Forums, I'm sure you'll find a nice and comforting community in it as I have.

First off, you're weird, I'm crazy (which is another way of saying weird), most people if not all, are weird. And that's completely fine. In-fact if someone doesn't consider themselves weird then someone else probably does. That's the cruel part of the world but If you embrace it, then you're better off because of it. It makes you realize the unique parts of yourself that no one else has.

Secondly, I can't help you in-terms of the name change. I've only ever encountered one other person in my life who has had a name change and they only did so because their name wasn't appropriate to who they felt they were. And if you feel that way, then just go for it. Sure, those (to my knowledge) who are under 18 can't get a name change, doesn't mean that for the time being the name you want to be called by can be. I have a mate, his name's Marcus, but he calls himself by his middle name Griffen or 'Griff' for short. If you don't like your birth name, and want to be called Sierra, do thusly. Words have no physical weight and I know they do hurt because after being bullied for practically my entire life, I'd know so but in terms of if they carry physical weight, they don't. Your parents might not accept you for it but your friends do and if I've been taught anything, it's that friends are the family you choose for yourself and so treat them like so. If they're accepting of you, then those are the friends worth keeping.

Hopefully you find my input useful to some extent.

Sincerely,

Just Another Guy.

[J-J]

Hi Sierra,

I changed my middle and last name with Births, Death, and Marriages. I was 18 years old however if your family sign approval it shouldn't be a problem.

Best Wishes

JJ

[Just_another_guy]

G'day JJ.

After reading you comment I am intrigued but none-the-less conflicted at what you said and how this could benefit Sierra. However I am in no way saying you are wrong or are dumb, because you seem quite intellectual.

The part that troubled me was when you stated that so long as her family signs approval she'd be alright but as Sierra implied in her original post, her parents don't seem supportive of her want of a name change and neither do her school and thus I find that it may be of great difficulty for her to get her parents permission on the name change. I wish I knew a way to help or knew of a loophole to get around it (of which I'm not sure that there is) but sadly I do not.

Hopefully we can all figure something out together.

Sincerely,

Just Another Guy.

[Guesy_839]

Hi guys, and just a quick update,

Had a talk with the school counselor, and I’ve made an appointment for next Thursday (It’s Friday as I write this) to talk about things, as I had a bit of a family argument, and cried for the first time in a while. Nothing much has gone on, but thanks for the responses. When it comes to the counselor, I’m probably going to mention mostly what I said at first (First post I made), even though she’s aware of some details, as it’s briefly come up before.

Sierra

[Croix]

Dear Sierra~

I've often found it easier to write things down in advance then share the paper in the consultation. Stops me getting muddled, forgetting things and also from chickening out. As someone who has difficulty opening up it might be worth a try. In any case deciding to tel your councilor more is pretty good idea. Problems can't be fixed if no one knows about them.

I'm sorry you had hassles at home, do you mind if I ask it it was over your name, or something else? I guess crying might be a good thing, what do you think?

Croix

[Guesy_839]

Hi Croix,

Thanks for the suggestion, I was thinking about doing that!
As for the hassles, I barely remember, as when I argue with mum, my mind just swims, and I barely speak. I just block it out. That time I argued, my best friend watched. He gave me a hug afterwards, and I went to bed, as it was night. I do remember I was brushing my teeth while, and my gums accidently bled out of me bumping something.

Also, I cried today again. I’m glad, I guess. It feels better than holding it in.

Sierra