So much I need to say, so I’ll do it in a Q&A format

[Username_Blank]

Q: Are you happy?

A: No

Q: Why are you not happy?

A: Because I hate myself

Q: Why do you hate yourself?

A: Because in my 25 years of being alive most of it has been me making bad decisions which I regret making and I hate myself because I barely made the good decisions.

Q: Name one of these bad decisions.

A: Not thinking twice before diving into my relationships.

Q: And why do you consider that a bad decision?

A: Because I learned a painful lesson, Girls are trouble, always have been, always will be, I should have known better than to be so naive and think that all relationships were perfect.

Q: And had you not made this bad decision what would have happened?

A: I would not be so emotionally and mentally shattered, I would be a little bit happier knowing I am not having to deal with all the crud of relationships.

Q: What about knowledge, would you know as much as you do now had you not made that decision?

A: I have a habbit of researching when curious, I would have researched Relationships at length, trying to extrapolate every inch of information I could, from that my knowledge on relationships would grow.

Statement: Had you done that you would still been researching for all the answers, why because to learn everything about relationships without ever having been in one takes longer than firsthand experience.

Counter-Statement: And Firsthand experience is exactly what lead to me being a mental and emotional mess, I hate being a mental and emotional mess, therefore I hate the decision I made to dive into a relationship without knowing all the information prior.

[Croix]

Dear U:B~

Welcome here, you sound as if you have had some unhappy relationships and I suppose there are some here who have too, however that is by no means the norm. It would be a great pity if you were to write off half the human race due to some unfortunate experiences.

I honestly think you are on the wrong track if you attempt to research partnerships and try to approach them from an intellectual point of view. After all both the need for a partner and the enjoyment and satisfaction that follows is basically emotional.

You talk of bad decision making in getting into relationships, something that takes two. You don't realy say what has gone wrong, though it is pretty obvious you have been hurt.

Perhaps you were looking for the wrong things? Empathy, kindness and strength, being reliable and trustworthy are all needed.

You do not necessarily know all these facets of a person straight away, so perhaps you are partly right, taking your time to get to know someone before 'diving in' might be the way to go. If there is mutual attraction they will probably want the same.

Everyone makes errors, and if it has only taken you up till now to learn not to hasten too much it has been worth it and will stand you in good stead in the future.

OK, that's my suggestion, what do you think?

Croix

[Username_Blank]

I think that your suggestion is insightful, and after playing a video game, my head feels a bit clearer, yeah I admit me judging all women as “bad” based on previous experiences does seem rather hasty and not very wise, not to mention rude, so in retrospect those experiences have clouded my mind considerably, but for now I’ll stand by what I say, I am considering getting some therapy but where I live services like mental and emotional therapists are at minimum 2 1/2 hours away and another bad decision to not be more wiser with my money(aka investing in a licence and lessons) makes acess to therapy is currently not a very feasable option.

But I find what you said very insightful

[quirkywords]

Username:Blank

I like the way you used the question and answer format for your first.

I use questions a lot in my posts and I often write letters to myself so I liked the way you used Q&A to work out the answers.

Croix's reply was very insightful.

As someone who much older than you has made far more bad decisions and mistakes in my relationships.

However each time I realise what my bad decision was I try hard to learn from it, which I do and then I have made another but different mistake.

I am human and of course one gets hurt in relationships but the wonderful part of relationships cancels out the pain.

Each time even though I have been hurt I take the chance to try again and this time I trust I made the right decision, so far so good!

All the best , and well done for being so honest.

Quirky

[Username_Blank]

I’m always honest(I despise lying ALOT), and what your saying does make logical sense, I personally just find it upsetting that I make bad decisions that affect me negatively in the future(of course bad decisions lead to bad outcomes, it would be very unrealistic for a bad decision to lead to a good outcome), and well there are bad decisions that i made that I wish i never made, I’m a perfectionist by nature, so I’m always trying to be perfect and do things perfectly(I try, because no one else does), and these bad decisions are what makes me imperfect, which as you can imagine makes me that much more unhappy, I’ll openly say it, if I could travel back in time, to the day I was born, carrying the knowledge I have now, then every day of my life would involve me always thinking things through and only making the good decisions that in the future would lead to me being happy, though me being unhappy because of something I did is only half the problem, the other half is what everyone else is doing around me, an example, that isnt political or religious is crime, one of the many reasons to my being upset is crime, I would die a million times if it meant a permanant stop to all crime, which sadly won’t happen as there will always be at least one corrupted individual that seems hellbent on getting their way, at any cost.

[Croix]

Dear U:B~

I can relate both to perfectionism and trying to do things without mistakes as I'm that way by nature, though I do believe it is a false trail, in the same way one can't ban germs. Kids need bugs in their lives to be healthy and I think everyone needs mistakes, when one leans from them one does better.

Trying to do everything perfectly is never going to happen, unlike maths questions in school things are never straightforward. That applies to all walks of life, medicine, law, relationship, the lot. As well while in theory doing things perfectly might stop one being open to criticism I doubt even that is possible, criticism will happen anyway.

You might think I'm being pessimistic or not valuing hard work and successful endeavor. That's not the case, I'm simply trying to point out that unrealsitic expectations leads to a false sense of failure and discouragement in time. and I have a feeling that is what you are going though now (sorry if I've got it wrong).

People in loving relationships can have arguments or worse, but come back together again and still love. Crime happens for all sorts of reasons, it's not just black and white, and some is very understandable.

The decisions you list as bad, which boil down to perhaps being a bit hasty and trusting in new relationships, and not getting a car license as yet, may seem important at the moment, but can easily be rectified in time.

Wanting to sacrifice yourself to stop crime is as you well know unrealistic, but the altruism and public spirit that prompted you to say that is praiseworthy and important. When you find a way to harness those feelings all will benefit

Croix