Young people

Aaaannd… it happened again… :)

replies: 10

Yep, it's Sunday morning and I haven't slept since… well, Saturday morning. I tried to go to bed. But it's not even that I just can't sleep. I'm tired and I would sleep if I stopped actively trying to keep myself awake. No, I'm scared of sleeping. Mo... View more

Yep, it's Sunday morning and I haven't slept since… well, Saturday morning. I tried to go to bed. But it's not even that I just can't sleep. I'm tired and I would sleep if I stopped actively trying to keep myself awake. No, I'm scared of sleeping. Most likely because I'm afraid of waking up I've been suffering from some kind of depression/anxiety for a while now. School fell apart in grade 10 when I started failing assignments I was working hard on – after being a straight A student without even trying. But I gave up trying and started hiding from it. Like I'm hiding from… something now? I'm not sure what. I'm really good at dealing with anxiety but I can't get rid of it. I know how to survive. I know all my escape routes, and I know which song to loop when to keep my stress down. But I can't live like this. I've just started a full time job a week ago and I can't afford to be sleep-deprived. My boss is already a little unhappy with me (he jumps to conclusions and thinks I'm a genius and not at the same time) but I know I won't be able to cope long without enough sleep. I only just got through last week. So, why Sunday morning is the worst? My family hosts a house church meeting in our home every Sunday morning. It's not many – our family alone more often than not makes up more than half of the group. There are only three regular others. But I can't rectify what anyone believes with what I see. Not my family, not our visitors, not anyone else in the world I know of. And because I'm terribly confused about so much I start asking questions that can't be answered. Existential questions, mainly, I just think like that. But they've been gnawing at me for so long and there's no one I can ask. I don't have many friends, and only one of them has similar beliefs. I can only talk with her through email, and that isn't enough. And she can't always answer my questions. There are people I can get in contact with, but I have so little spare time with this work that I'd have to have to lose a significant amount of sleep, most likely. The weekends are always busy. But I guess I just need to be able to sleep. What if I can't tonight again, and I'm running two or more days of sleep lost when I show up for work? My brain will be mush. Why can't I just let myself sleep?

Anxiety making it hard to complete uni

replies: 2

Hi everyone! I'm new to the forum, so here goes... I'm currently trying to complete my first year of uni, but my anxiety is making it quite a difficult task. Whenever I sit down to study or complete a task, I get this overwhelming sinking feeling in ... View more

Hi everyone! I'm new to the forum, so here goes... I'm currently trying to complete my first year of uni, but my anxiety is making it quite a difficult task. Whenever I sit down to study or complete a task, I get this overwhelming sinking feeling in my chest and my heart starts racing. It makes trying to do anything related to my course unbearable. At first I thought it was because I wasn't interested enough in what I was studying, but having changed my subjects and finding something I actually love, I know it's not the case. It's the actual studying that puts me on edge. I'm a perfectionist and have been since I was a young child, but it never had much of an impact on me until my final few years of high school. During those years, I would often become unwell for weeks at a time because of how much I'd stress over my work being 'good enough'. I would also get extremely overwhelmed whilst trying to study (the same feeling that I'm getting now at uni), and would end up crying, due to thinking that I didn't know enough, or that I was going to fail whatever assessment I was studying for. All of this would also lead to procrastination, which made everything so much worse. Despite this though, I was a very high-achieving student. At the time, I didn't think that what I was experiencing wasn't normal; it wasn't until I was diagnosed with anxiety a year after finishing school that I realised that that's why I'd felt the way I did. I feel like I'm heading down the same path at uni, and I really don't want to - I want it to be a time that I enjoy. I love learning and I love the two subjects that I'm currently doing, it's just that I don't know how to change my mentality. I'm going to see my old counsellor this week, which will help. In the meantime though, I'd appreciate any advice that anyone has on just getting stuck in to the course work, and how to stop procrastinating out of fear of experiencing these overwhelming feelings.

Need advice, sorry for the rambling

replies: 3

Ok so... idk how to word this so I’m just gonna kinda blurt it all out and hope someone understands. Im a 19yo male, first year apprentice ive never really told anyone about this but here it goes. idk why but it am realising I am happy when I am with... View more

Ok so... idk how to word this so I’m just gonna kinda blurt it all out and hope someone understands. Im a 19yo male, first year apprentice ive never really told anyone about this but here it goes. idk why but it am realising I am happy when I am with friends, but other than that alone I regularly just feel angry or sad. I feel sad/depressed a lot. I sometimes somehow enjoy feeling sad, but it’s not really enjoyment idk how to explain it. People say I’m funny, life of the party, I’m well known around where I live but i feel riddled with anxiety. Feel like everyone is judging me (not including my family or my 2 best mates, who I can finally be comfortable around). I swing from feeling ugly as hell to feeling like I look good/regular, these swings can last for days to weeks. Regularly pay for things for other people, never chase people up for money they owe me. Always leave my belongings at peoples houses, taking weeks/months to get the motivation to get them back. I am very non-confrontational, non-violent, hardly get angry when someone wrongs me, but I also explode at my family (mainly my brother) over little annoyances when I feel like that’s just me letting off steam. Always afraid im disappointing the people I love. Feel like the black sheep of the family. Lost a lot of motivation for the gym. playing guitar at the moment (maybe 6 months) I drink every weekend and have recently picked up a smoking habit while drinking because I like it and really don’t care about the consequences. I wish I could care about my future health but other than trying to appear healthy I couldn’t give a crap. Flip from being normal/outgoing to socially awkward depending on the occasion/day. Either feel like sleeping all day or can not sleep at all (like right now it’s 12am and I have work tomorrow, my mind is racing) I abuse MDMA regularly (which a lot of my friends also do) and feel guilt afterwards. I seem to mess up any chance I have with a girl, either through sheer awkwardness when we hang out sober (met most from parties), or me just sabotaging myself by cutting contact etc even tho I don’t want to, I feel people get bored of me/I’m annoying) I always go out with friends and while I’m out I love it but inside I just want to be alone, but I also don’t want to be alone. I’m not sure what I want. Just realised this sounds like the ramblings of a crazy person hahahaha but idk had to get the thoughts out there, also I’m tired but cannot for the life of me sleep right now.

broken families

replies: 5

so for years now i have been in and out of foster care and recently i moved in with my aunt and uncle because my step dad moved and im unable to live with my mum, its been a pretty traumatic couple of years my step dad disowned me for staying where i... View more

so for years now i have been in and out of foster care and recently i moved in with my aunt and uncle because my step dad moved and im unable to live with my mum, its been a pretty traumatic couple of years my step dad disowned me for staying where i am for schooling purposes and i just find it hard to cope sometimes and im not ready to talk to a counsellor yet i get shaky around police and child safety officers and find it hard to breath im just seeking help to how to handle myself when this happens... i have other problems but there not all going to fit on here thank you

Crying non-stop

replies: 2

I am a 14 year-old girl who lives in Melbourne. I recently went on a trip with my family and family friends up to Mt. Hotham. There was no wi-fi and I don't have mobile data, we are going to be staying there for a week. Before I went I thought I woul... View more

I am a 14 year-old girl who lives in Melbourne. I recently went on a trip with my family and family friends up to Mt. Hotham. There was no wi-fi and I don't have mobile data, we are going to be staying there for a week. Before I went I thought I would've died because there were no wi-fi and I'd be disconnected from all my friends and games, but when I got there I realised how happy I was without all that stuff. I didn't need to care about my school friends' complicated love lives or worry about what I should do to get in the popular group. I was genuinely stress-free and relaxed. When I woke up every morning I would see my friends who DOESN'T just talk about boys and gossip and were easy to hang out with, we would go out skiing and come back at dawn to play childish games like hide-and-seek that I thought I was too old for. I have forgotten how fun the world was without all that stress from my normal life. I also fell in love, I loved the feeling of waking up and seeing him, leaning on him on the couch in the house we rented, playing games and laughing. It was like a dream. But on the day we came home it all fell apart. We discussed on meeting for lunch before everyone goes home, in a town on the way back to Melbourne. But our car broke down and had to stop, everyone else left, driving past us. We had to call RACV and stuff. The moment I realised we wouldn't make it to lunch, and I wouldn't see my friends (who I have bonded with deeply more than ever) or my crush (who I miss like crazy already) for months and would have to go back to my normal life, not living in the dream anymore (that cozy little house), I started sobbing. I tried to hold in my tears as they fell out, turning and facing away from my family. I tried to calm myself down every time, but the tears just kept on coming. I had to go to the bathroom several times during the day and cry my heart out. Last night I thought if I've slept, then I would've felt better. But I woke up sobbing and dreaming about my friends and life on the Mountain (which felt like stress-less heaven). And I still keep on bursting into tears several times in a day. My heart felt ever so empty. Someone please help me, I have tried to distract myself with several things but none has worked, not even my hobbies. Thank you for reading this.

My Thoughts.

replies: 2

Hi all. Throughout my high school years I've always felt like I was never enough in my mothers eyes. If I did well in a test I was told it was luck, a one off incident. Not only that, but she has always compared to my older cousins who are smarter an... View more

Hi all. Throughout my high school years I've always felt like I was never enough in my mothers eyes. If I did well in a test I was told it was luck, a one off incident. Not only that, but she has always compared to my older cousins who are smarter and more successful in life, never letting me forget my short-comings. Now that I've started my dream degree in college, it hasn't gotten any better. Everytime i fufill her academic expectations there is always another one lying in wait. I feel suffocated and lost, and theres so much I want to say but I don't know where to even begin. I try to avoid her and lock myself in my room because everytime we do communicate, I'm told I'm of no help, selfish, my degree won't get me anywhere etc. and I always end up crying and feeling drained. I'm prone to stress and over thinking situations, and I take everything she says to heart and it hurts everytime. I just want to quiet the voices in my head because sometimes I feel as though I'm going crazy. thankyou for listening.

Abandoned and alone

replies: 1

Since graduating high school a couple years ago i've found myself sinking. I've always had anxiety and learned to deal with it, but so many things keep happening to me and I just feel completely alone. I've got amazing friends, boyfriend and mum and ... View more

Since graduating high school a couple years ago i've found myself sinking. I've always had anxiety and learned to deal with it, but so many things keep happening to me and I just feel completely alone. I've got amazing friends, boyfriend and mum and they try but they just don't understand how i'm feeling. I try a put myself out there but I just have no motivation. My father abandoned me a couple years ago and it has just brought on so many feelings. I started putting enormous effort into my life, trying to be successful everywhere and it was working for a while, but when I still hadn't heard from him for over 2 years I started falling. I was feeling like why aren't I good enough, worthlessness, loneliness, why doesn't he love me as much and why doesn't her care and now I find it difficult to trust people. It's affected all areas of my life. I just want to do nothing all the time, but i'm fine with it because it makes me feel better. I cry almost everyday. I've started not handing uni assignments in on time, cancelling events, not putting any effort into anything. I'm trying to speak to someone, i've been a few times but I leave feeling worse. I just feel like nothing and no one can help me, I have a broken heart and now a fractured mind. I just feel like a lost cause and I don't want to burden anyone, it's just easier if everyone leaves me alone. Just want to know if anyone has been through this or has any advice because I feel like this cloud is just going to hang around forever.

Lonely

replies: 4

I am 18 and moved to Melbourne 1 year ago. Previously I was living in Tasmania but had to move. In grade 10 while still in tazzy, my long term friends and I started to become distant. It probaly would have been worse if it wasn't for my old friends w... View more

I am 18 and moved to Melbourne 1 year ago. Previously I was living in Tasmania but had to move. In grade 10 while still in tazzy, my long term friends and I started to become distant. It probaly would have been worse if it wasn't for my old friends who I had not spoken to in ages. Here they were welcoming me back into their friendship group.Thanks to them my final year of high school was bearable. Sadly for college I went to a different college. They really wanted me to attend their college, so did I. However, I was afriad I wasn't smart enough for their private school. So I lied and told them my parents wouldn't let me. Year 11 was the first time I felt alone/lonley. I had no friends even though my old classmates tried to include me into their friendship group, I was always the odd one out. I didn't want people's pity so I use to pretend I was talking to my friend on the phone during break. We were even allowed to leave the college grounds at recess and lunch. So I would walk down to the library and stay their till break was over, I did this for the whole year. I even lied to my sister that I had friends and would make up stories about my day at school. Then I moved to Melbourne and did my year 12 here. It was difficult to get used to a new school system and the teachers did not help. At first I had no friends until these girls in my film studies class started to chat with me. They were kind and included me in everything, though I didn't say much. After a few moths though I couldn't handel it. I feard coming to school, I would spend hours on the toilet since I was so nervous. The subjects were difficult and everyone else seemed so smart. My friends were great but I felt awkward around them. It was more like I was using them so I don't appear alone at school. Near the end I just broke down and left. I decided to do VCAL senior instead to complete my year 12. VCAL senior had its ups and downs but I got through it. I felt much happier and acutely looked forward to school. The girls from my film studies class even kept in contact with me. We even meet up twice. Though I have been avoiding them out of guilt. What's wrong with me? Why can't I make friends? My only friend is my sister. I push away the people who try to be my friend. I try to fake the friendship but know we have nothing in common. These days I've even turned to online penpals and friendship making apps. I'm not sure if i'm really looking for a solution. Just needed to get it out their?

How to help my friend?

replies: 1

Really dude, I'm not lying. Yeah I have my grandparents and I have a few people who are supposed to be friends. But I hate this place, you don't understand what I'm going through right now, I've been trying to tell you. I'm in pain right now, physica... View more

Really dude, I'm not lying. Yeah I have my grandparents and I have a few people who are supposed to be friends. But I hate this place, you don't understand what I'm going through right now, I've been trying to tell you. I'm in pain right now, physical agonizing pain, and I dont want to leave my room because I havent stopped crying for two days straight. My depression is back dude. And I'll I've been wanting is for someone to reach out and see me, for someone to respond to my plea for help. If you could see every internal conflict, hear every knicker of my dad's tension to incite anger and pain and misery. I can't go on. This is why I said I cant come back, this is why I'm always looking to be somewhere else, this is why I'm always paranoid that my friends hate me, why I have so much trouble seeing where I belong. It's because I don't have a place in this world. I'm sick. Tension has made me sick and I've lived with it all my life. And I can't do it anymore. I need to escape. Just please, please I need someone to see me. I'm sorry

Moods.

replies: 2

Hi, I'm a 16 year old female who has been depressed since I was 13, clinically diagnosed. I'm confused on what this is but whenever I am getting into a relationship with someone I like them then get into moods where I don't. I'm trying to be happy so... View more

Hi, I'm a 16 year old female who has been depressed since I was 13, clinically diagnosed. I'm confused on what this is but whenever I am getting into a relationship with someone I like them then get into moods where I don't. I'm trying to be happy so that the relationship will work but I dont know what's wrong with me. The happiness is going and my depression is coming back. I get into moods where I dont like people or want to talk to them and I dont know how to stop it. Will I be like this forever? Will I never love someone because of my illness I dont know what's wrong with me, if anyone could know please comment or something.

Pinned discussions

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

All discussions

Aaaannd… it happened again… :)

replies: 10

Anxiety making it hard to complete uni

replies: 2

Need advice, sorry for the rambling

replies: 3

broken families

replies: 5

Crying non-stop

replies: 2

My Thoughts.

replies: 2

Abandoned and alone

replies: 1

Lonely

replies: 4

How to help my friend?

replies: 1

Moods.

replies: 2

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

Aaaannd… it happened again… :) replies: 10

Anxiety making it hard to complete uni replies: 2

Need advice, sorry for the rambling replies: 3

broken families replies: 5

Crying non-stop replies: 2

My Thoughts. replies: 2

Abandoned and alone replies: 1

Lonely replies: 4

How to help my friend? replies: 1

Moods. replies: 2

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

Aaaannd… it happened again… :)

replies: 10

Anxiety making it hard to complete uni

replies: 2

Need advice, sorry for the rambling

replies: 3

broken families

replies: 5

Crying non-stop

replies: 2

My Thoughts.

replies: 2

Abandoned and alone

replies: 1

Lonely

replies: 4

How to help my friend?

replies: 1

Moods.

replies: 2