Advice on Feeling Super Low in Relationship

[Tenishaaaa]

Hi Reader, ( I appreciate this so much)

The Beginning

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. In the real beginning getting together was amazing, feeling love that neither of us have had before. After we got more comfortable we found that we would argue over absolutely everything and we figured out neither of us cared about the argument it was just something to do.

Two years on now and we hardly ever argue and have fixed about of issue when we do e.g communicating, giving space ect. Fair enough to say we have had a lot of high and low points in our time together.

Recently

Recently we have been in a massive high. I was feeling so in love and like the happiest person alive (literally). And he’s been happy too.

Now/Me

Now often I get myself into a stage of a really low point. But it’s all me and is completely one sided. I am currently going through this now. I get so low that I feel so worthless. I have terrible dreams about us and get feelings where I try to distance myself from my partner so it won’t hurt as much if we break up. I start to think maybe I should break up with him to “beat him to it” or the other side of it being that I should break up so he can find someone he deserves. i just get so down thinking that I’m not good enough. I get so upset that all my emotions and feeling turn into numbness where I don’t feel anything for anyone. I know that I have some anxieties and I tend to stress like crazy over things that are far away in the future or may never happen at all.

The Boyfriend

99% of the time my boyfriend is beyond helpful but it’s a long process to get out of this dark rutt and sometimes I think he gets over it and resorts to being his happy self... (going back to jokes, laughing at videos on fb that he plays extremely loud, ranting on about his great/bad day) im Interested in his day but not his jokes or anything that makes him laugh because I myself don’t/can’t laugh or be happy. I think it’s because when I see that he’s had enough for today I start to think that I’m right.

I need some advice on how to fix these low points. They are straining our relationship and has me worried that he will leave because I can’t focus on his happiness or we can’t be happy together. It’s either one person or the other. I love him so much. He’s my world and the only person I can be my real self around. I can’t and don’t want to loose the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. Please help.

[White_Rose]

Dear Tenishaaaa

Hello and welcome to the BB forum. It's a good idea to ask for help when you feel everything is slipping away from you.

It sounds as though you and your boyfriend are generally happy together. That's great. I gather your BF seems to believe you get over these dark spots in your life and wants to return to having no problems. Is this right? If it is I can understand that you feel disappointed. Sadly having the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing is not something you can turn off like a tap. Wanting to not upset someone and deciding you should leave is a very common reaction when we are depressed. We see ourselves as a bit of a burden on others.

I start to think maybe I should break up with him to “beat him to it” or the other side of it being that I should break up so he can find someone he deserves.

This is not true in the real world. It is all about you feeling unworthy of his love and care. I know how that feels and so do many of the people who write in here. You have told us you have fixed your communication difficulties and that is fantastic. Not many couples sort these things out so quickly and have a strategy to manage future miscommunication. Congratulations.

Is this swing from highs to lows fairly frequent? I am wondering if you have a clinical depression. Perhaps you can have a chat with your GP and get some expert help with this. There is no reason why your BF should leave if you are still happy together. As you said above, you have had your highs and lows which is common in a new relationship or while you are settling in to live with someone. Not the easiest thing to do no matter how happy we are to be with someone.

I have suggested seeing your GP because I think you need to talk to someone qualified in the medical field. If you go to the blue tabs at the top of the page and hover over The Facts then mouse down to Depression then go to signs and symptoms you will find the K10 checklist. This will give you an indication about your depression. Take it with you to see your doctor. Please continue to write in here.

Mary