Hi 🙂
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear things have been so hard for you.
I am also 22. I struggled after finishing Year 12 in 2010. I was anxious,
and confused about my life. It’s good that you know you need to change, and
also want to change. I also isolated myself from others, during and after Year
12. I felt anxious and avoided study. I got through with reasonable results
thanks to my teachers. In 2011, I pulled out after 6 months at uni because I
wasn’t coping. I was bottling up my negative thoughts. 2012 was a horrible year
for me. I had to withdraw from two uni semesters because my OCD got worse,
and I developed an eating disorder. I was admitted to a mental health ward
in July 2012, and stayed for 2 months. I had recovered from my eating disorder
by mid-2013. As I severely isolated myself, it took time for me to start seeing
friends.
My point is that it’s possible to fully recover from a debilitating illness,
and to rebuild your life. The key for me was to accept my past, and to stop
regretting things. Living with regret is mentally exhausting. It
sounds like you did well at school. That’s awesome. Did you feel unsure
about what to do once you’d graduated, or did you expect too much of yourself?
I’m not being nosy, it’s just important to understand why/how things spiralled
downwards. Have you studied since graduating high school, or have you worked?
Knowing that what you’re doing is making things worse is actually fortunate.
It’s the people who aren’t consciously aware of the need to change their
behaviour that are in the most dangerous situation. As I have always been a
non-drinker and never taken/used recreational drugs, I can’t give you advice in
this area. Hopefully someone else on this forum can help. What I do know is
that seeing your doctor is crucial. He/she may refer you to another specialist.
I’m sorry to hear that your girlfriend left. Being hospitalised three times
in the same week is scary. You have done the right thing by coming to this
forum. Based on your post, I think you have severe depression, as well as
problems with substance abuse. Of course, you need to seek your
doctor’s advice. You seem smart, so you probably know this! Also, have
you ever been diagnosed with depression? It worried me when I read that you
didn’t think you’d live this long. If you are having suicidal thoughts, you can
call beyond blue at any time (1300 22 4636)
I hope you seek help ASAP.
Good luck,
SM
