Waves

[Sapphire23]

Hi,

First time I’ve posted so I apologise if this is in the wrong place.
I am experiencing strong waves and I am at the point where I am so tired that I’m not sure I can survive another. Yesterday I felt ok, I felt strong and happy enough. Today I feel so low and so tired of feeling like this.
I feel so alone with it.
Thank you for listening.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Sapphire23

I am so proud you have found the forum and that you are seeking some comfort and support during a time when I can hear how much and how exhausting this is for you. We are here, to chat, to listen and to help you through this time.

If you wanted to share some more of your story and get some things off your chest, I am here to listen, we care very much and I am so sorry today is not going very well for you.

Hugs to you

Sarah

[Sapphire23]

Thank you for replying to me.

I feel like a burden to my friends and loved ones today. I had a really bad weekend emotionally and I worked hard to move past it. I thought that I was but then today hit and I feel like I have nothing left to give. I want so desperately to be better but I feel like I just disappoint everyone around me. I am trying to do all the right things, I see a psychologist and I work through all my tasks, I have a good support network.. I just can't shake these thoughts and emotions. I feel so heavy and like I cannot breathe deeply anymore.

My husband just wants me to be better. I tried to call him for support today and he just seemed so disappointed when he said "but you have been good the last two days." I don't have the answers for him and it is distressing to feel this way.

I am scared to lean on my loved ones for fear of them leaving me. I never want to be a burden.

Thank you for listening to me.

[Aaronsis]

Sapphire23 you are no burden, not to your family and not to your friends, trust me when I say that, they are there for you please trust in that and tell those thoughts to rack off..they are just thoughts they are not real and they are not truth. Thoughts do not need to be actioned, they are not a task for you to do.

I am so proud of you that you have help and that you are trying so hard to do the tasks that have been given to you, please trust in those too and keep at them, with practice and with retraining of those nasty thoughts you can let the good ones in.

Please try not to see your husbands response as negative, he is probably trying to understand what has happened to make you feel this way, not realizing that mostly nothing needs to "happen", that these thoughts arrive unannounced and that they take over. Are there some ways that you would like him to respond to you? Maybe you can make a list of the good things that you would like to hear and be reminded of by him when these times come and you need his support. Maybe taking some time when you are feeling up to it to share this with him. mostly so that he can support you and that you feel love and support but also so that he feels he is of value to you, that he too can gain some goodness knowing he is giving you what you need.

It takes time and help to know that these feelings and thoughts are not truths Sapphire23, that your family and y your friends do care very much about you, we care too and we have no need to be here to make these things up. I don't know you and I am not paid by Beyond Blue, just a fellow person who can hear how sad you are today and mostly to let you know that when you reach out, people reach back, we are here.

Are there some things that you do like to do that make you feel happy? I have just started painting during this COVID time and while I am not particularly great at it, I do really enjoy it and it keeps my mind totally peaceful and focused on the task.

You are no burden, you are no burden....please know that.

I look forward to chatting more with you.

Hugs

Sarah

[Herbie_H]

Hi Sapphire23,

Please realise it takes more strength from within yourself to get up and face the day than most people are able to find in themselves. Please also understand that you are not a burden. I have been through those feelings myself and once I could eventually move past them and reflect, I realised that yes everyone has things to deal with day to day, but our closes friends and family will make time to help and comfort you.

My wife could never fully understand what was going on in my mind so she made similar comments to your husband. She wanted to understand but the reality was I was dealing with those thoughts and I didn't actually want her to completely understand what I was going through, it might have put her in the same space as me. I think maybe that's where your husband is at. If he was able to go along to a session with your psychologist with you, they may be able to give him some strategies on how to support you.