Hi

[Banana-Queen]

Hi I’m Hannah and I suffer from regular sleep problems, anxiety attacks and depressive episodes (I don’t want to say depression and anxiety because I’m not diagnosed clinically). I want to die. I have thought about suicide before and have self harmed in the past but no one knows about that. My parents don’t notice anything about me because I put on a brave face. I am extremely smart so everyone thinks my life is pretty perfect. It’s not. I also have an eating problem where I can eat almost nothing all day and then I’ll eat something and feel bad so I will stop eating almost completely. The only thing I will eat is a bit of food at dinner so my parents don’t notice. The eating problem is not regular though. My life is kinda *bad word* (sorry) and no one knows. My guidance councillor even thinks nothing is wrong even if I don’t talk for days on end and cry for no apparent reason. The reason behind my crying is the constant pain of all the terrible things people have ever said about me hitting me non stop. Someone asks how I’m going and I try and explain but then I stop because no one ever understands. They look at me, give me a little side hug then carry on with their day laughing while I die.

sorry that is so depressing that’s just me.

also I have a cat and a dog. The cats a mixed breed we don’t really know and the dog is a purebred Jack Russell terrier. Their names are kameko and Millie respectively. 🙂

bye for now I guess

xoxo

[Sophie_M]

Hi Hannah,
We are sorry to see that you have been having so many issues and that you couldn't share this with your parents or other people in your life. It must be hard to be burdained with so much anxiety, dark thoughts and being so hurt by other people. But we are glad that you were able to reach out tonight and we would like to encourage you to keep looking for support.
One of our tam memebrs have sent you an email and we are getting in touch with you.
We hope that you will find the support withing this community and we are encouraging you to call other available supports.
You can call Kids Help line at any time on 1800 55 1800 or you can contact the Headspace https://www.eheadspace.org.au/ or you can call 1800 650 890.
Keep reaching out and posting.
Warmly,
Sophie

[geoff]

Hello Hannah, and thanks for posting your comment, it's not easy to open up to people you don't know.

Pretending to be OK or smiling when you find it so difficult only builds up the expanding tension you are carrying with you and eventually it becomes harder to suppress, so you stay where you know it's a comfortable place away from everyone and I've been in this situation myself.

If somebody hasn't suffered from any type of depression, they won't understand the depth of this illness and how it capitulates us from achieving the aims of life.

Pretending to your counsellor about how you are actually feeling is costing money and not addressing your concern

Write down some key points and then hand it over to your counsellor, take it at your own speed.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Banana-Queen,

I too welcome you to the community here.

I'd like to encourage you to reach out to the services that Sophie_m has recommended and to talk tot he Beyond Blue support people as well.

As a middle aged adult, I find that really difficult to do at times but am so thankful when I am able to express myself and have someone listen. It may feel a little daunting, hope you can manage to talk to someone.

Like Geoff I would suggest writing down how you are feeling and hand the paper or write it on your phone so your parents and the guidance counsellor know what is going on. I've done this and it helps.

Do your cat and dog get along with each other? We have a cat and I have always wanted a dog but my husband is not so sure.

Regards to you from Dools