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[Perla]

Hello,

I'm 33 years old and live in au last 8 years. All my life I was always loner. Not by my choice but even though I tried to socialised I never made any real friends. People don't gravite to me so during my teen years I learned to enjoy my solitude and occupied myself with books etc. Also had a big hobby which is opera but even there where I was meeting people with same hobby never was able to create a friendship.

I got married 5 years ago and have a beautiful 3 and half years old daughter. My husband was diagnosed with bi polar disorder and last 1 and half he had a manic episode which was the hardest time of my life. During his episode last 6 months I was going to bed with prayer that I don't wake up again and have to deal with it an other day. Our relationship got damaged and in September last year I had to call a police because our situation became unbearable for me. While my husband end up in jail my father who lives in Europe passed away but due to my situation I couldn't attend funeral. Now is my husband back home stabilized and wants to work on our marriage but I feel so demaged and enable to actually do anything. I am so isolated and have very difficult time to even leave the house to go to a shop or take my daughter to the park so we are all the time at home. I don't know what to do.. I am afraid talk to people but that isolation killing me inside. Also I want a good life for my daughter and be a good mother to her but I feel so useless and broken. Doctor offered me antidepressants but I am really worried that it will be just an other obstacle which I will have to later over come. My father was on medication last 2 years of his life and stop taking them 6months before he died and in that time his depression got worse than before. I hope what I wrote make sense, my apology for my gramma.

Thank you for any thoughts 🙏

[white knight]

Hi Perla, welcome

I think it is commendable that your husband has tried hard to stabiles and wants to try again at your marriage. I think you might take some time to let time heal.

Part of healing is to praise the other person for the good things they do. I would do this with your husband.

I have bipolar and although I haven't had trauma like your husband I can understand the difficulties he went through with mania. It was a hard time for him and he didn't mean to be nasty and traumatic to you. He obviously feel guilty for how he treated you.

I'm sorry for your fathers passing.

Your doctor has prescribed you anti depressants. I would highly recommend taking them because every now and then people like yourself struggle to stop yourself from becoming depressed. I also would not compare my issues with my fathers issues- totally different- different human beings. A period on that medication might do wonders for your mental stress.

I would recommend you be as positive as possible with your husband but make sure he is well aware of your boundaries in how he treats you. If he has physically abused you then definitely remind him that you are not in his life to be abused and hurt.

That is most important.

Well done in seeking help.

TonyWK