Trust loss and fear

[Riley_Elf]

I have suffered loss of trust many times in life. I give trust to people and have found that no matter where I look I always end up loosing and having my trust broken and thrown back in my face. Lately I have found that I can not even trust my own adult children when I had my world shook by my youngest and I feel that there seems to be no one I can trust. It was one thing to have a women cheat and throw my all in my face but to have my son throw my trust and respect in my face. I just can't face people and feel so alone and empty. I see the beauty in life and nature but these days see nothing in people and can't even figure where I can hide.

[Croix]

Dear Riley Elf~

Welcome here to the Forum. You sound as if life has handed you a pretty bad deal. If you are by nature a person that sees the best in others and assumes they will be honorable and straight it can be really heartbreaking at times to find out they are not. Children too, though in my own case I think I regard them as not really grown up (as yet)

I'm afraid I've found only a few in a long life who have consistently been trustworthy, but I suppose that has been enough.

When trust is broken it is very easy to think one is not important enough, or not worthy, or some other thoughts that puts oneself down. Really it is the other way around. People need to earn trust from you, not have it given to them straight off. I guess one assumes the worst and hopes for the best.

So what ar your plans, if you don't mind me asking. Will you try to cope with your youngest or put some distance between you?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Riley Elf, can I offer a warm welcome to the forums.

Trusting someone means that you think people, family or friends are reliable, you have confidence in them, this is important because it is the basis around which we all want, but when it's broken or not established then that puts another meaning on life.

You have mentioned 2 important points in your comment and the last one has unfortunately happened with your young son and whether ' the women cheating' has started all of this broken trust.

I hope you feel comfortable talking to us as we have ourselves gone through similar situations.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Riley Elf

Loss of trust is a big one to deal with, especially depending on the amount of trust we invest in someone. If there's a huge amount of trust involved, we can be stuck in a bit of a limbo situation as we work through the loss/grief process (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). The acceptance part can be a tough one to achieve but once achieved can liberate us regarding the direction we take and the connection we break (the destructive connection regarding the thoughts we carry in our head).

Trust involves elements of faith and expectation, not just faith and expectation in regard to others but also faith and expectation in regard to our self when it comes to our vision of the future. With trust, we appoint someone to take a particular path we have in mind. The disappointment part comes with either choice or resistance. In other words, we can un-appoint that role, through conscious choice, giving us back a sense of control. For example, I appoint my partner the role of faithful, loyal and loving. When that partner cheats, I can say 'I un-appoint them, regarding that role. I will find someone else who is able to fill that role.' I know it's playing with words and sounds very very simplistic but words are often the things which are powerful enough to torture us in a myriad of ways.

Do not feel disappointment when it comes to faith you have in yourself, faith to choose wisely in the future. Whilst experience and lessons in life come with many dis-appointments, never lose faith in yourself and your own value.

Take care

[Hope4tomorrow]

Hi Riley,

although my circumstances for reaching out on this site are different to yours, you've encapsulated how I've been feeling lately very well.

I guess a positive in this is that it tells me that I'm not an alien. That I'm not unique, but that I'm just a human being who's been burnt a fair few times. I'd does hurt sometimes but I guess when I'm able to see that the behaviour/actions of others are generally a reflection of the harmony (or disharmony) of what is happening in their minds/lives. Unfortunately, it is a part of the human experience; hurting people tend to hurt people. We're a "special" species in that way.

just wanted to write you a response to let you know that people do care, even if they don't necessarily feel that they have much to offer to the subject.

You're right, life is beautiful. It's our attitude towards it and the parameters that make it what it is that can either cause us unnecessary suffering as opposed to some pain for the par and in turn after some introspection, some personal growth as a result; Another part of the human experience If we're willing to seek it as challenging as that may seem to feel like... trust me I'm going through my own introspection and growth at this time as well and it doesn't feel much like cup cakes and puppy dogs for myself either.

Kindest regards, Boots.