Dear Fallen Soldier
Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm very pleased to meet you.
Knowing the wheres and whyfores of what you are feeling does not mean it lessens the pain, unfortunately. In fact it can sometimes make the pain worse. So is there anything good about it? I think it is the first step on the road to healing. Once we know where we came from it's probably easier to stop going back there.
I think we all go through that very difficult time when knowing is too much to bear. What have you got to hang on to? At the moment it must seem you having nothing except perhaps regret, sadness and a heap of memories that hurt. I too have difficulties in this area. My response is to try and change these events in my mind, to have a better ending, but of course that is impossible. What has happened has gone and I cannot change it.
I find the worst times are when I am tired, no energy to change how I am thinking. And all the time the event continuously churns around in my mind. Is this what happens with you? I know I need to physically move myself to another place, to do something physical like gardening or walking. I also know how much better I feel when I do these things. You would think I would simply do this but it doesn't work quite like that.
Do you have any ways of coping with these reminders? Sometimes it feels as though we are caught in a time loop and cannot get out.
Do you have any professional help such as a psychologist? Talking about these things can also be hurtful I know but we can learn to see how much this affects the way we think. I think it is more than knowing why you feel, knowing the effect it has on you is a bit different. Do you know what, if anything, triggers these thoughts and feelings?
I would like to talk more with you if this suits you.
Mary
