This is my story.....

[Guestt]

Hi everyone,

For the past 34 months, my twinsister and I have endured a turbulent ride through life.

We have faced tragic and traumatic events that have sadly fractured our relationship as twinsisters.

The tragic passings of our late mother in Nov 2017 and much loved senior furbaby in Dec 2019 were heartbreaking and triggered the grief cycle.

The stressful sale of our family home in Oct 2018 and our displacement due to not finding a new home to buy in Sydney. Being forced to live in temporary places of accommodation and rentals for the past 24months. This triggered our anxiety.

The neighbourhood conflict we fell victim to due to toxic neighbours who racially targeted our family and home for 8years. This left us traumatised.

We are also experiencing pre menopausal symptoms due to our age. My symptoms are mild, but my twinsister's symptoms are intense and trigger monthly emotional meltdowns/psychotic episodes. This has also triggered insomnia/sleeplessness.

The COVID19 pandemic has contributed to our loss of employment, but we are fortunate to have funds to cover all personal and living expenses.

It's obvious that our central nervous system and mental health have been negatively impacted by past events.

Our battles with anxiety, depression and emotional stress are ongoing and have been triggered by:

- Grief, displacement, pre menopause, trauma and unemployment.

I'm the planner, problem solver and project manager. Assiming these roles and taking the lead has resulted in our survival thus far.

However, I have ongoing struggles with my twjnsister due to her negative attitude, behaviour and mindset. As she uses me as an emotional scapegoat, which I believe is toxic to our relationship.

I understand that we all have different coping mechanisms to deal with grief, stress and trauma, but my twinsister is really testing my patience and tolerance.

Neither of us are taking medication, as we prefer natural supplements.

We also listen to music, indulge in chocolate, watch comedic shows and heartwarming movies.

But I also chat to people, draw/sketch, go on daily walks, pick flowers and do photography (food and floral) to keep me sain.

However, my twinsister's reluctance to go on daily walks and chat to people have further aggravated her mental health and struggles with insomnia/sleepleesness.

Please help. as we both feel alone and isolated. I also want my twinsister and I to end 2020 on a calmer and happier note.

Kind regards.

[Guestt]

Thankyou for your reply.

Yes, I am an idemtical twin and we share common/similar interests/hobbies.

But our personalities differ and she has a short temper, whilst I'm even tempered.

Growing up in with two sisters, I was like the 'piggy in the middle.' The mediator and peacemaker.

I also grew up in a Spanish Meditterean family with hardworking, headstrong, honest and loving parents.

But was also exposed to their marital conflict from a young age, as were my two sisters.

My late mother used my twinsister and I as emotional scapegoats due to her marital conflict which wasn't right.

Anyway, have a pleasant long weekend.

God help keep me safe and sain.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi TrianaESP,

I feel so sorry for you having to deal with your sister's worsening condition - I believe she may be in need of more assistance than you can reasonably be expected to manage.

Although I respect your preference to avoid medicines as treatment, sometimes they are necessary when there is a risk of harm to your sister from her behaviours or, of equal importance, to you from any outbursts that cause physical (or even mental) abuse towards you. You may be tormenting yourself unduly by adhering to this view. If not for your own sake, then please consider the importance of your fitness for continued care of your sister.

As her unofficial (?) carer, you may be able to discuss her needs with your GP to organise a Care Plan on her behalf (medication and psychologist therapy) - I'm not sure of the legalities of that but your GP will advise accordingly.

You have endured and personally overcome so much, but you are continuing to be traumatised while caring for your sister. I think you deserve more for yourself and hope you can see the positive sentiment behind my comments.

Regards,

t.

[Guestt]

Thankyou for your advice and sentiment.

But it's not that easy to shift my twinsister's mindset/even obtain her agreeance to speak with a psychologist due to her continued hostililty and resistance towards me.

After our mother passed, she would instigate/provoke heated arguments over petty/trivial things due to her anxiety and the emotions that manifest as a result of the grief cycle.

During 2018-2019, we've had several verbal altercations that she caused.

In 2018, we had a serious physical altercation, which could have resulted in us losing our lives due to intrusive and suicidal thoughts.

But I believe that we were saved by our guardian angels.

Anyway, off to get some sleep now.

Kind regards

[geoff]

Good Morning TrianaESP, 'In 2018, we had a serious physical altercation, which could have resulted in us losing our lives due to intrusive and suicidal thoughts', this is of great concern and definitely a worry, and if possible, can I ask whether or not 'Harm OCD' is involved.

This is a vicious cycle, (and I'm not a doctor in saying this) because scary, intrusive thoughts, even suggestions are exhausting and being a twin what is sad certainly makes you wonder yourself.

Please let me know if I'm on the right track here.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guestt]

Thankyou for your concern.

It does feel like a vicious cycle and I pray that it will be broken with a temporary breakaway and then a permanent home.

Enjoy your long weekend.

Off for my daily walk.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi TrianaESP,

Resistance can really make everyday things an uphill grind and sometimes all you can do is shrug and walk away. But that doesn't improve what you have to deal with in addition to your own reconciliation of grief and trauma.

Have you considered seeking respite accommodation or engaging a support worker to give you some time to yourself? Again, I apologise for casting aspersions, but you may be too immersed to provide objective assistance that will be readily accepted - what you suggest sounds like good advice, but because you say it, the reaction from your sister may be to dismiss/rebel by default.

I came to realise that another's mood is only ever relative to my own at the time - if I am unflustered and on top of things, then I can take their grievances in my stride; but when overwhelmed with tasks and responsibilities, my tolerance lowers and the compassion of understanding diminishes proportionately. I also recall how agitated I would become when travelling and living out of suitcases - I very much love the security of a place to call home. I think I can relate to some of how you must be feeling.

In that respect, sourcing a new permanent residence promises to be a great relief for you to settle and put your lives back together again, plus allowing you to embark on acquiring four-legged companionship which should further enhance well being for the both of you.

Regards,

t.

t.

[Guestt]

My twinsister's erratic and volatile behaviour continues to concern me.

God help me remain calm and resilient as I continue to nagivate through stormy weather.

I just need to find our forever home, to end 2020 on a calm and peaceful note.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi TrianaESP,

You have faith,

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

Take care, my thoughts are with you for finding your desired outcome.

t.

[Guestt]

Thankyou for your thoughtful inclusion of a psalm🙏

PS-I also detected a minor typo on my post with the word navigate. I mistakenly wrote nagivate😬

[tranzcrybe]

Hey TrianaESP,

No worries about typos here - I olsa di ot ill the tame!

- t 😛