This is my story.....

[Guestt]

Hi everyone,

For the past 34 months, my twinsister and I have endured a turbulent ride through life.

We have faced tragic and traumatic events that have sadly fractured our relationship as twinsisters.

The tragic passings of our late mother in Nov 2017 and much loved senior furbaby in Dec 2019 were heartbreaking and triggered the grief cycle.

The stressful sale of our family home in Oct 2018 and our displacement due to not finding a new home to buy in Sydney. Being forced to live in temporary places of accommodation and rentals for the past 24months. This triggered our anxiety.

The neighbourhood conflict we fell victim to due to toxic neighbours who racially targeted our family and home for 8years. This left us traumatised.

We are also experiencing pre menopausal symptoms due to our age. My symptoms are mild, but my twinsister's symptoms are intense and trigger monthly emotional meltdowns/psychotic episodes. This has also triggered insomnia/sleeplessness.

The COVID19 pandemic has contributed to our loss of employment, but we are fortunate to have funds to cover all personal and living expenses.

It's obvious that our central nervous system and mental health have been negatively impacted by past events.

Our battles with anxiety, depression and emotional stress are ongoing and have been triggered by:

- Grief, displacement, pre menopause, trauma and unemployment.

I'm the planner, problem solver and project manager. Assiming these roles and taking the lead has resulted in our survival thus far.

However, I have ongoing struggles with my twjnsister due to her negative attitude, behaviour and mindset. As she uses me as an emotional scapegoat, which I believe is toxic to our relationship.

I understand that we all have different coping mechanisms to deal with grief, stress and trauma, but my twinsister is really testing my patience and tolerance.

Neither of us are taking medication, as we prefer natural supplements.

We also listen to music, indulge in chocolate, watch comedic shows and heartwarming movies.

But I also chat to people, draw/sketch, go on daily walks, pick flowers and do photography (food and floral) to keep me sain.

However, my twinsister's reluctance to go on daily walks and chat to people have further aggravated her mental health and struggles with insomnia/sleepleesness.

Please help. as we both feel alone and isolated. I also want my twinsister and I to end 2020 on a calmer and happier note.

Kind regards.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, TrianaESP, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

 

[Guestt]

Thankyou for accepting and acknowledging my post🙏

Btw, I noticed a minor typo which you didn't detect. In my post, meant to use the word 'assuming' not 'assiming.'😬

I look forward to receiving some useful advice🙏

Thankyou once again for accepting me into your online support community❤️

[geoff]

Hello TrianaESP, and a warm welcome.

I'm a fraternal twin myself and can relate to the situation you are in, where my twin has had his ups and downs like all of us, but fortunately has not had to experience the ordeals I've been through, thank goodness.

Can I ask whether or not you're identical twins and hope to hear back from you?

Geoff.

[Guestt]

I'm an identical twin and have always had a healthy and strong relationship with her till now.

I'm also 2mins older and am the mother figure of the two.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi TrianaESP,

Sorry to hear of your setbacks over the past few years. Without time to recover, even small disappointments can raise grief and strain relationships.

You seem to have good coping strategies in place for yourself whilst your sister may be lacking the sense of autonomy for finding individual interests.

As the 'senior' of the team, and to reduce the emotional outbursts, your role as facilitator (although you are doing this in your shared activities) could be sourcing something your sister would enjoy alone or with others (besides yourself). This could help restore her self identity and provide some therapeutic away time from you (no offence, it is a healthy thing to do). Perhaps some social clubs or activity groups could be a start?

I would also recommend finding another puppy (if your accommodation allows it) to reinstate the affection for both of you.

Although you wish to avoid medications, your GP may also have more holistic tips for managing menopause - perhaps some counselling would help.

You must have an amazing closeness with each other and have shown much support and sacrifice to care for your sister through your shared struggles. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your sister to help spread the burden even just a little - you also need looking after.

Regards,

t.

[Guestt]

Thankyou for your advice.

Unfortunately, pets are not allowed at our place of accommodation.

My twinsister isn't interested in engaging in any social activities, aside from eating out once a week at a local cafe.

I have mentioned seeking address via a counsellor and GP to discuss our situation (grief, pre menopause and trauma), but she is reluctant to speak to anyone.

So I am planning a breakaway for the two of us (post the school holidays) to a beachside area.

As we both need a change of scenery to destress, reflect and relax.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi TrianaESP,

A change of scenery sounds like a good idea.

I was assuming your 'furbaby' was a dog - but could have been a cat, rabbit, or guinea pig! Re no pets, have you considered offering a 'pet minding' service (where you visit people's homes to exercise, feed and clean up). It could address your limitations and provide additional income/pocket money as a bonus.

Occasionally, some people do little to help themselves because someone is doing it for them. Although it requires sensitive consideration, could you see an empowerment for your sister to have more responsibility as a positive force? Your burdens would reduce if plausible.

Regards,

t.

[geoff]

Hello TrianaESP, thanks for letting us know and I know much ongoing research is always going on by the twin organisation/foundation as they ask my twin and myself to be involved along with hundreds of other twins.

We are close but have completely different interests, he has ESP while I don't and has never suffered from any type of depression and has always offered to help me throughout my years suffering from it, which I have accepted but not taken up his offer, entirely.

As you are identical means that you must have much in common, but there is still a chance MI can affect either you or your twin more than the other, especially if you've been close and shared emotions.

My twin and I did everything together growing up, until we were 15 or 16, and for you to 'plan a change in scenery to destress, reflect and relax' maybe the answer you're looking for, but getting help to get you through certain issues or problems you can't solve or a sticking point may need someone to help you sort through them.

Identical or not doesn't mean that everything is 100 % agreed upon, your circumstances may be different.

I hope you can plase get back to us.

Geoff.

[Guestt]

Thankyou for your reply.

But my twinsister's battles with PMS (hormonal changes) and PTSD (due to traumas from the past) have worsened.

For the past 34months, her mental health has deteriorated and from my observations, I believe that she has developed a serious mood disorder.

I have to tolerate her agitation, anger, hostility and verbal abuse on a daily basis.

Her thoughts are blocked by an intense level of emotions. This in turn, results in her having no filter when she channels all of her negative energies towards me.

I also find myself apologising to everyone, as they find her tone rather aggressive due to her constant agitation and frustration.

Also, we are dog lovers and have had two wonderful furbabies enrich our lives with their loving presence.

But sadly, they were both put to rest/sleep in Jun 2001 and Dec 2019, aged 15.5 and 15 due to illness.

I miss their presence and their footprints are forever engraved in my heart & mind.

Once, we finally get a new home, I plan to buy two labrador puppies. As they are an amazing dog breed and I speak from experience having owned two with my twinsister.

Have a pleasant long weekend.

God help keep me safe and sain.