Suddenly feel insufferably lonely

[On The Road]

this is how I feel right now, not sure if this is the best place to post this...

these kinds of intrusive thoughts are scary, they are not the facts but they are linked to reality. Because I'm really lonely.

[On The Road]

nighttime is hardtime 😅

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear On The Road,

I really am sorry your feeling insufferably alone...

I have lived alone now for close to 9 years since my husband passed away...about 2 years before he passed, he made a decision to move into the central west of NSW...away from our children and their families...in a remote little village...I have made one friend in my village (under 200 residents)...we ring each other every day to talk and make sure the other is okay..

It has taken me a long time to accept that this is now my life....unable to move closer to my children due to finances, it is very hard...I do get overwhelming lonely and that drags me down into deep depression which is hard to lift out from.

The nights...yes, they are worse, no one to share our day with makes me at times feel very very alone in this world...as for doing things, hobbies etc..I do try and sometimes do succeed in doing something a little special....but I feel no joy about doing it, just “meh” maybe because I don’t have anyone to share it with...maybe because I know it was just a distraction...

I do volunteer at a Vinnies shop...in my closest town, around 30 kilometres away which has given me a reason to get up out of bed and dressed for 2 days a week..

Most nights I am on here, either reading or posting..without here BB, I’m not sure how I’ll manage the nights...I’m not really into tv due to my ptsd, (unexpected triggers) but will occasionally watch a DVD...Now it’s winter and freezing temperatures, I go to bed early and listen to some stories on my iPad...I do listen to sleep stories as well, when I’m a bit over anxious and my mind starts with cycling thoughts I do this while I have some candles lit...watching the little flames dancing around...

Have you ever listened to stories at night...something comforting in them having someone else read them...I wish I knew how to make the nights easier for you.....I think it’s a matter of trying to make the nights into something a bit special for us....different from the day to day routine I am stuck in, which is being unmotivated to do not much at all...

It’s strange, how many people in the world are overwhelmingly lonely...when their are millions of people in it...very very sad..I wish so much you didn’t feel this horrible thing...loneliness, it’s a hurt that goes deep into our souls..

Here if you want to talk..

Kind thoughts, with my care, Dear On The Road.

Grandy..

[On The Road]

Hi Grandy,

thanks for your heartwarming reply and for sharing your story. I was on the bus last time heading to a town, and I saw the bright moon clearly as the rest were completely dark. Have you watched the moon in the clear night sky in your remote village? How did you feel about it? 🙂I like listening to some stories as well as some podcasts and nighttime live radio (e.g. ABC), they are usually cosy: the topics are light-hearted, and the music is definitely different from what they would play during peak hours. There's one podcast I'd recommend caked Listen To Sleep, check this out!

It's great to see you do volunteer as well at a Vinnies as a benefit to yourself and to the local community 🙂

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear On The Road,

Yes I have watched the moon and the stars...I’m lucky where I live, that their are street lights..and the stars shine so brightly at night and their are millions alone millions of them...When we have a full moon..it’s like I could reach up and touch it...I am an avid star gazer 😂..

Thank you for your suggestion “listen to sleep”..I hadn’t heard of it before...I tried it last night and fell asleep to the first story...his voice was soothing and gentle...

I hope today is a great day for you...Stay warm Dear On The Road...

kind thoughts with my care..

Grandy..

[On The Road]

Another night ughhh...

I see some accounts with only 1 or 2 posts... hope they come back sometime.

[blondguy]

Hey OTR

Thanks for posting back...even though we dont expect a reply. I think I have 1 or two friends that I can confide in (maximum)...I hear you loud and clear there On The Road

How was your week?

Paul

[On The Road]

Hi Paul,

thanks for the reply, I'm feeling ok at the moment 🙂

There were some occasions when words stuck in my throat, and I felt like I wanna say a lot, but still it was not the right person or the right time in front of me.

My week was as usual as it can be, but recently I am making some decisions about jobs, about rent, about almost everything 😂

[blondguy]

Hey OTR

I hear you loud and clear about words being stuck in the throat...ditto here.Jobs/careers...rent and everything combined are a heavy load OTR..I know you are ok...Please be gentle to yourself 🙂

Have a super weekend too

Paul

[On The Road]

I'm feeling anxious, sad and lonely.

Today I kinda got into some political debate with someone, with a relatively extreme ideology... those words are hurtful... I don't like being so confronting with someone I used to get along with, maybe I always had a wrong perception of this person. I felt like I was assaulted by some political radicals in the streets...

and I also watched a sad documentary, and then I heard the tragic news from Japan... all things been haunting my mind... wish there's someone I can talk with at this point

[Fiatlux]

Hi On The Road,

I know how it feels.

I try very hard to be non confrontational by trying to have positive conversations, but they sometimes turn into arguments and like you I feel like I have been assaulted.

The news from Japan is tragic and terrible and terrifying.

I tried to have a positive conversation with my son yesterday. I was working from home and he was home from work and making a curry.

I forget that my son can have some extreme views and we often clash. 

So is it best to keep quiet and ignore him or try to get something positive out of him.

I try to see positives even in the worst situations. My son in young and there’s hope for him.

My eldest son is very different. He does a lot of volunteer work and has been doing so for the past 9 years. He gets a lot of personal reward for helping others.

If I need a positive conversation, I ask my eldest about his week working with the SES. 

Where there’s tragedy there’s also a positive something, somewhere, sometimes.